The underlying condition that causes the behavior is depression, that is MLC. It is covered up, hidden, denied and ran away from depression: MLC. If it happens at a midpoint or near it in a life, it is MLC. Many developmental stages are pinpointed in the lives of our children growing up. It is a rollercoaster up and down, from contentment and easy to raise, to fighting the boundaries and growth that characterize the terrible twos, the five/six year old yucky attitude... teenage rebellion/angst...... all the same developmental pattern,,,,, just another age but accompanied by an underlying trauma that has not been resolved, only surpressed and avoided. The depression rears it's ugly head, and they look for a cure. A feel good cure, and it avoids the pain, covers it up::::::MLC. Very simplistic definition, but I believe this highlights the real differences between MLC and WAS.
2cents worth, and not much more!
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
I've been reading your thread. I find yours and Flicka's posts very interesting and you both have such a great sense of humor. I can't believe you've been at this for 5 years. I'm almost at 2 and I think I might move to the MLC forum soon.
I've always admired horse women. I started horse back riding lessons when I turned 50 but when my great teacher left for another job I stopped. Now I have to start all over again!
I see in your signature line a quote from the great dancer Katherine Dunham. I'm a modern dance teacher and I teach my students about Dunham, as well as other formidable modern dancers like Martha Graham and Isadora Duncan who stayed true to themselves (and didn't put up with any crap from men!)
I hope you find peace in your life soon.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
WCW, I truly believe your H and mine are MLC. There are soooo many ups and downs with them...back and forth...home and gone....confusion and depression...love and anger. They are NOT WAS'. WE know them best...no one here. Those here base their information on what we have to say here and what they choose to hear. WE see our H's daily and know them better than thier own mothers.
I see alot of positives in your sitch...always have. My sitch is improving and I have God to thank for that. Whether our H's decided to stay or go, we with both be absolutely fine and continue to be the great women we are.
I responded as you seemed to be a little irritated by my post.
I was only clarifying things for you, and rather then post on MWG's thread, I posted directly on yours.
I am sorry you feel that way, really. I don't know enough of your sitch to have an opinion.
Did something I say touch a nerve?
I felt you were irritated so much that you had to come here to defend yourself. Which is why I asked in response if what you were posting was directed at my sitch. I thought it best to ask rather than wonder why now.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
The underlying condition that causes the behavior is depression, that is MLC. It is covered up, hidden, denied and ran away from depression: MLC. If it happens at a midpoint or near it in a life, it is MLC. Many developmental stages are pinpointed in the lives of our children growing up. It is a rollercoaster up and down, from contentment and easy to raise, to fighting the boundaries and growth that characterize the terrible twos, the five/six year old yucky attitude... teenage rebellion/angst...... all the same developmental pattern,,,,, just another age but accompanied by an underlying trauma that has not been resolved, only surpressed and avoided. The depression rears it's ugly head, and they look for a cure. A feel good cure, and it avoids the pain, covers it up::::::MLC. Very simplistic definition, but I believe this highlights the real differences between MLC and WAS.
2cents worth, and not much more!
Do you think a prerequisite for MLC is being a conflict avoider? A person that has a life full of issues that they have run away from rather than facing up?
I've never really known if I should call my H a guy that is MLC or WAS or just someone that had a weird childhood, avoids conflict, jumps from excitement to excitement, is horrible with money, lost his mother, turned 50, had an ow dig into him, had a major injury, thrives on the next big deal, loves his ego stroked, tells me I have been nothing but pain and hurt for our whole M and never supported him, and I can't even feed a horse the right way.
Eeek, with that list I wonder why I ever wanted to be M to him to start with? Because the man I married is not the man I just described. The H I know is soft and caring and emotional and loving and loves family and people and is not afraid of hard work.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I've been reading your thread. I find yours and Flicka's posts very interesting and you both have such a great sense of humor. I can't believe you've been at this for 5 years. I'm almost at 2 and I think I might move to the MLC forum soon.
I've always admired horse women. I started horse back riding lessons when I turned 50 but when my great teacher left for another job I stopped. Now I have to start all over again!
I see in your signature line a quote from the great dancer Katherine Dunham. I'm a modern dance teacher and I teach my students about Dunham, as well as other formidable modern dancers like Martha Graham and Isadora Duncan who stayed true to themselves (and didn't put up with any crap from men!)
I hope you find peace in your life soon.
Welcome Silver Fox. I can't believe it's been 5 years either. It's enough to make ya think the only way to survive this is to have your own MLC!
You have a lot of courage to start riding lessons at age 50! yeah for you! I find a large portion of my business comes from women who are getting back to horses after the kids have gotten old enough to blame it on the kids wanting a horse. I also believe that even though the horses create a lot of hard work and frustration it is also my therapy. I'd say they have kept me from going crazy but I don't know if I can prove I am not crazy!
I would think your dancing for you is a lot like horses are for me. I confess I don't know Dunham but I love the line. I look for words of strength to glean from.
Flicka has quite a sense of humor alright. I still laugh when I think about her first communication with me! lol
I continue to work on finding my piece of peace. Thank you.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Thanks FG, living in this limbo has been extremely difficult. You, me, many of us here, we seek the support to get us thru this.
We can't usually do anything to hurry or rush or change our S. What we work on is us, and I've always tried to remember to be the person that my H fell in love with and vowed to M for the rest of our lives. I got away from who I was when I got so wrapped up in doing what I thought was supporting my H. I think I realize now that I was smothering him. Support vs smother.
Gaining strength to face the future. You too.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
