Need help dealing with things

[determinedinTx]

I decided today that I would not answer H text messages. That is one of the things that really makes him mad is for me to text him a lot (but it's okay for OW). Anyway, he has been gone for a week, supposedly visiting his parents out of town. I know he got back into town yesterday, however, I'm not supposed to know that. He sent me 3 different texts, then tried to yahoo me, I didn't answer him, usually I would have been just sitting on the phone waiting to hear from him. Finally he said "have it your way then". Normally, I would have been real crappy with him and sent some kind of smart-a$$ comment back, but I waited, then I thought about it, and when I wrote him back, I said "I cannot talk to you right now bcuz I do not want to say things that I don't mean. I apologized last night but I am hurting too deeply right now to talk. Give me a few days", he proceded by telling me he was on his way back into town and wanted to pick up the kids. I tried to keep my calm, but I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea right now. The kids have been through a lot and they don't need you pushing your girlfriend into their lives. He finally asked me if I was going to have the kids ready or was he going to have to bring the cops with him. I didn't answer, then he called. I told him the exact same thing. Finally I agreed to let him pick them up but I told him that I needed to know exactly where they were going to be. They deserve to see their daddy, and I am not going to put them in the middle of this. I did express my concern over him being with his girlfriend while they are there. He told me that he has more respect for his kids than that. I am hoping this wasn't just a ploy to get them over there and try to run with them. I seriously don't think he would do that, but then again, I didn't think he would leave me for someone like her either. I don't know whether to just watch and wait to see what he is going to do or do I need to do something? I am trying to do the 180 thing, but it is so hard when you are so programmed to certain responses. I was really proud of myself for ignoring his texts, but I wanted to talk to him so bad...I just wish that he would show me the same attention that he shows her, spend time with me instead of her. All of the kids know me as their stability because I am the one that is always here, I don't just decided not to come home one night because I get drunk (like he does) I come straight home from work and deal with the kids. I don't really have a life outside of them and work. I guess that is my downfall, because he depends on that in me as well. He knows that I will come straight home, which gives him the freedom to go out with his "friends" and not have to face the real responsibility of the kids or family.

[c.db_mod]

Determined,
Welcome to DB, I am truly sorry that you have found yourself here; but kudos for finding the courage to do "this." Have you read DB/DR yet? If not, I highly recommend reading one of the two, or both. GAL in your case could be used as a 180; it's doing the exact opposite of what your H would expect...going out after work, having a family member or friends pick up the kids...do something different, and not being stuck in a "cheese less tunnel"

I read in your posts in newcomers, your H is bipolar, are his medications under control? It must be difficult for you going through this year after year, do you have a source for support, family, friends etc.

Please take good care of yourself
cdbmod

[san]

Welcome Determined,

Sorry that this has brought you here... but you will read that you are not alone.

I am new to these boards also.
There are lots of people that give great advice.


Keep your chin up.

Sandy

[determinedinTx]

I have read DR, just within the past week, however, haven't really had a chance to put much of it to work because he has been out of town and due to the hurricane, our cell service has been sporadic, plus I have been trying really hard not to contact him. His meds are not under control, because he doesn't feel that he needs them. He tells me that I am the one that triggers his bipolar episodes because he can only handle so much... My mom lives with us, I am careful about talking about things with her because, obviously she has her own opinions about what I should do. I have to realize that this is my decision and I can't make the same mistakes that she made in her marriage with my dad(he remarried her 1st cousin who was like a sister to her growing up), because I see it only made her miserable, but that is a whole different painful story. I have fallen into the trap of following him, checking his emails, etc., which is how I found out he was cheating on me, but I cannot let it rule my life. I have to let go and figure out where to go from here.

I realize that I have a BIG problem with any man who shows me any kind of attention, falling hard, if you know what I mean. I did that once, the 1st time H moved out, and I cannot allow that to happen again. I don't really have any friends that I can go out with or GAL with because they all have their own families and do not live close. I guess that is one thing that I have allowed to happen is for him to alienate me from my friends. I am back in contact with them, but they don't live in the same town I do. I've never really had "a lot" of friends.

[determinedinTx]

I was a little encouraged tonight when he came by and as we were talking about decisions with our boys, he said that he has to get back into the doctor so he can get back on his meds and also making sure that all 4 kids stay in therapy to help us all through this.