I guess a filler is a good word for it. He hates being alone. The only time he doesn't mind being alone is when he is tired, sick, or if he has some chores to do.
Thanks for your encouragement. I really appreciate it.
By the way, I received the book...I just started to read it.
I have the weekend off. I have to try to get better at my days off. What do you usually do on your days off?
I love the book! ... It is so eye opening...I feel relieved reading everything.
I was supposed to work today, but a friend from work needed some more hours...so, she is working my shift. It has been a good day off. I think because I made sure I had an appointment mid-day to get beautiful...:) It doesn't hurt that the weather is sparkling.
Dear Poet, It sounds as if your IC is helping you gain perspecive and helping you observe behaviors that are not helping you at this point.
Also, the memories you are sharing with your IC offer some parallels with your situation with your H. It sounds as if it is helping you stop the pursuit and allow you to "let go". If you can "let go" (or in DB language "go dark"), consistently, it will be helpful to learn how this impacts your R with your H.
I wish you much support as you continue to gain insight and strength!
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Yeah!!! You did good stuff for yourself yesterday!! I am so proud of you!
And, what did you do today for yourself, JoJo? (Didn't think I'd check, did ya?)
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
Hey sneaky! The weekend was good. I think I over booked myself. That's ok. I went to the spaghetti dinner to raise money for cancer. It was a good thing, but too many people makes me feel uncomfortable. Hence, I miss A.
Later, I read my new book, 'how to improve your marriage without talking about it'. The book is great until I got to the part that explains 'how'. In order to do it, it takes practice. I got very sad because there isn't really any way for me to practice right now.
The beginning was good explaining 'what' and 'why'. So, of course, I obsessed over the 'very few' head butts that A and I had and I blamed myself for now understanding how men feel...then, I wanted to talk about it!!! I didn't. I wrote a letter, and I sent it to myself.
Because I have this information, I hope I will react differently 'when' A and I doooo get together.
Today, I started to rethink last weeks conversation...did I sound happy enough, I shouldn't have talked about my worry about my parents...I analyze my every word and his.
How..ev..er...I did enjoy the weekend. I took care of a lot. I was sad today going off to work. Sometimes, I think the books I read hinder things instead of help. Information overload.
Yesterday...there was a snow squal. Then the sun came out. Today, it was freezing and windy.
I am cutting and pasting a note I wrote this morning below for you to read and respond if you want to...nobody responded to me on the other thread. (Big un-surprise).
I just need to add to that note ... that H called me again this evening and asked if I got his message? (Duh) I guess he doesn't realize I called him back this morning because I got his message, but oh well.
Anyway, he says he will call me tomorrow night to see where to meet and make arrangements for me to hand over my Income Tax statements so he can "take it to the lady (H&R Block) to fill out". He says he's being decent to me by doing this. I basically said I didn't want to play unless he can play nice - and yes, I was crying when he called, but I held it pretty good.
I guess he thinks he is being decent. What he doesn't realize is that I already knew it would cost us both more money to do it separately. I feel like he's only doing this to "save money." It really has nothing to do with "being decent" to me. But he did make a point to say that he will pay the IRS whatever we will end up owing. (He feels like that because I claimed myself last year instead of claiming zero dependents - we have no children).
Anyway, here's what I wrote this morning...
I have read up on a couple of threads, and it seems our spouses are coming out of the wordwork these days. And, it's all about tax time. Mine actually called me last night (big surprise) and left a message (I didn't answer the phone when he called).
It appears that he wants to know if I "want to file jointly" since it saves him a lot of money. (Well, he mentioned that it would save us both money, but still). His voice sounded hurried and anxious and annoyed that he had to call me.
Anyway, I didn't call him back until this morning. And even then, he was very abrupt. "Hurry up, poet. I'm at work, and I'm in the bathroom and the crews are coming in, and I have to get ready for them. What do you want?"
I said that he could call me back when he has time to talk, but he began to insist that I talk right then because he wouldn't be able to call me back until tonight. I repeated myself, said goodbye and hung up, again while he was in the midst of telling me to hurry up and tell him what I want.
I deserve to be treated with much more respect than he's willing to give and I see other WAS's who treat their other half with so much more respect. I'm so sick of this.
But, if you read this, then, thanks for looking in, on me. I appreciate it when someone checks up on my well being.
Decent...hmmm? I think you should ask yourself what you would do if you wanted to act in love. Respond...with confidence in love...to love. Poet...his attitude is not great, but you hold your head up and show that you 'can' love despite his tough guy defenses. If 'we' could really let our 'feeling's go and not hold back (which we don't want to do), we would tell him what 'decent' would really look like. BUT...we won't! Sooo...take a deep breath and 'show' him what decency really 'is'. Your actions should show love...patience, kindness, caring, understanding ... ok?
1.) for some reason, less stress. 2.) hours at work have been more stable 3.) neck and shoulders are feeling much better 4.) eating much better 5.) work has been great...feeling empowered! 6.) no feeling of anxiety or desperate thoughts 'what ifing'. 7.) been listening to a book on tape with my mom, quite fun! 8.) girls are talking about going to see a matinee show in Boston... 9.) things seem positve and feel hopeful! (like it)
1.) feeling, on the most part, empowered. 2.) exploring how to show confidence in my behavior and my words. 3.) trying to be authentic with myself. a.) what would be good for me b.) what would feel right for me 4.) saying things nicely, but more matter of fact.
Getting together with A on Friday night. People at work are not supportive or hopeful. I am.
5.) Getting a massage Wednesday am. 6.) cleaning car on day off 7.) getting nails done 8.) hopefully, getting new casual outfit
1.) Nervous about seeing A tomorrow 2.) I have information overload due to reading too much. 3.) Trying to remember - light...easy...happy 4.) Trying to visualize good results and smiling.
