One Last Pull for this Knot to Break

[sleeper]

When mamma ain't happy, no one (in the universe) is happy.

X is MAJORLY stressed. Shouldn't be my problem, but she has to have someone to vent to and guess who she chooses? Yep, they only hurt the ones they love; us. Unfortunately the ones they love includes our kids and mine told me tonight, "Mamma sure is grumpy."

She's broke, having trouble making ends meet and needs surgery. Wow. Who would have thought splitting up and establishing two households with the same amount of income previously used to support one would result in financial difficulties? I almost titled this thread; "I now pronounce you debt and debtor."

Yes, I get the spew for this even though I have bent over backwards to help her. Good news is she verified today that her L recieved the paperwork to which we agreed from my L (negating to some degree the accusations from X that my L was "stalling"). This should come to at least a legal end soon.

I don't know if she is cycling, reaching the end of her rope or what. I really don't care much anymore. I'm just going to play the hand that has been dealt to me and be ready to pick up my kids and what pieces I need and move on if she doesn't pull herself through this. H*ll, the kids prefer being with me anyway. They said that early on in this mess and it hasn't changed. I miss them when she has them.

Changes:

She now calls or TMs to apollogize after she spews.
She doesn't want me to see her undressed (she didn't give a darn for a long time).

[forward]

Sleeper, Sounds like a tough day. Cleansing breaths, cleansing breaths.

I'm glad she apologizes. That means she is beginning to come down to earth, I think. It is not so much about her.

The undressing thing is interesting. I'm not sure what I would say about that. It could be a million things. But I think that, in combbinatino with other things that have been happening, you should take it as a good thing.

She seems you as a MAN--not as brotherly and not over familiar thing now.

[TRUSTING]

Sleeper,

I have so admired your attitude from day one. I do think your wife is waking up somewhat. Mine is also very grumpy and depressed regarding his financial situation. It is amazing what they do to themselves and how they cannot anticipate the consequences. The key is if they realize that life was good with us, despite our flaws and quirks.

[sleeper]

I was kinda down all day today. It's been a very hectic week at work, some other things going on and it could be fatigue.

So X called multiple times this afternoon. I had my ringer off and didn't hear, thought about not answering when I realized it was her but I answered because she kept calling. She wanted to borrow something that was at my apt. I agreed to let her borrow it, told her I would drop it off on the way to the babysitter.

She immediately asked if I had a "hot date." I said no (the truth), just going out. She told me where she was and who she was with and that she would meet me to get the item she wanted.

As I was taking the item to her I called one of the people she had been with and asked what X's reaction was to me "going out." She said X was truly happy for me, and that X said I was really a great, nice guy and deserved to find someone. I explained I wasn't going on a date and this friend said she would tell X she ran into me later with a really hot blonde on my arm. I said OK.

When I met X we joked around a bit and she asked me again who I was going out with, she really wanted to know. I explained I was just going out, not going on a date.

In some ways there has been improvement because I am no longer the focal point of her anger and am now a "great, nice guy."

On the other hand I feel she is truly done with me. It doesn't bother her if I date. In fact she wants me to "find someone."

Truth is I don't want anyone (but her d*mnit). I have no desire to date at all.

[frank_D]

So, stop telling her anything. Let her fill in the blanks from her own imagination (which is much worse than anything you could tell her)

[sgctxok]

I agree with frank.

She likes you now. Start the mystery. Attract her back.

I love funny. And you are sooooooo funny. How can she resist. Surprise her.

[Nature Girl]

sleeper,

I think she SAYS she wants you to find someone because she feels guilty. What else could she say to her friends, or anyone about it? She would never say, "I really wish sleeper would not date anyone, it really makes me jealous".

mysterious is good!

[forward]

Sleeper, I doubt that she went from being majorly jealous to not caring.

Seems *mighty* interested in what you are doing, for someone who is supposedly done.

And you are funny. =)

I think you need to be less available and definitely more mysterious and/or surprising....

[sleeper]

Thanks guys. Makes sense. Just as she is more in control of the emotion of anger now, shem is probably more in control of the emotion of jealousy. Or at least more in control of displaying her emotions.

It's so weird. She mentioned a few months ago (as she was trying to finalize our D) that she didn't know how she would "react" when I started dating. It as if she is aware that she has given herself over to this thing to go through it and to some degree she is an observer of herself as well as a participant.

[Imageer]

I agree. You need to be less available to her. Although kids make it hard.

Personally, I don't tell my W much of what I do with my time at all. I've been going to the gym for 1 year and a half and I had never mentioned it to her. (We talk almost daily) I finally told her the other day but I think the kids had told her already. I try to keep what I do a mystery to her.