I feel like a total fake right now. I just posted on Trusting's thread about MLC and money. I can offer advice that I view as helpful in other situations, but I can't see the nose between my own eyes. To catch up: TJ and I are in the D process. He filed in my state, and lives in another. Can't do that. After research and reaching the conclusion that I do not want to file in his state, I decided it was in my best interest to have the D occur in my state. So I counter filed his motion. You have to chose language from a "list" of causations, he chose 2 that do not apply, but I understand he is confused, and was not aware of the least hurtful cause, that we have lived apart for over a year. I denied his charges, put forth this more appropriate charge, and now we will D in my state.
He is insistent that if our reconciliation did not work out,(it did, but he still ran) then we would honor the document that we had come up with in November. I told him I would honor that agreement. Now he comes back with an edit to the document. It would not be something that the court would uphold: that in the event of my remarriage then I would continue to receive spousal support at 50% of the agreed rate, for 2 more years. We agreed to that. Remember, there was some real chemistry between us that day. I think we both knew that we would not follow through with the D.
So now he offers that document without the 50% for 2 years.
I said no.
AFter waiting a week or so, I instructed my L to offer that original document to TJ. He said that the document was a good one for me, and I was doing the right thing. So far no word, and it has been 2 weeks.
A day or 2 after this convo, I got a notice from the courts. No dates, but temporary spousal support is ordered. It was back ordered 1 month, and the next month was also due in 7 days time. It has been 9 days. TJ has always been on top of his bills and committments. I have seen some of the MLC money control stuff, but ......
I am just sick. He has told me numerous times he KNOWS he still cares for me, but the last week we spent together he expected to have "romantic" feelings for me, and they did not happen. (can you say guilt and shame?) He then said we would execute the document that we prepared..... and there you have it. He professes to everyone that he will take care of me.
So I did the accountable thing. I called my L to ask him to nudge TJ by contacting his L. My L is on vacation. I do sit back and give this to God. The old Holly would be frustrated and rant and rave, the new Holly just says, Hm.... interesting twist God. The ball is back in my court. Hm......
I would welcome comments. I have posted on Trusting's thread alot about MLC and money. I just can't seem to get a view of what is right and good on my part. in my situation.
I have a hunch. I have ran it by a few friends who have and are on these boards. I do welcome any insight.
I believe ( rightly or wrongly) that if I can get in TJ's head on this I will see what action or lack of action I should take. I could email, text or call him directly. I can let it go. I can be a real stinker and call his family to nudge him. I really won't do that. This is not in my long term best interest.
I can wait the week and then have my L do this.
I have (IMO) conducted myself with grace and dignity with TJ and all aspects of this divorce. I have not little contact with him since bomb #2. We did exchange voicemails 4 times, regarding his desire to "move on" and D again. On father's day I text "happy father's day." He responded "Thx...." On my BD he text "Happy birthday...."
I responded with a smiley face. That is all the direct contact since April 1st. I am dark, and contacting him would be painful. I hope to avoid this.
I do see the D happening. My L and I agree if he does not accept this document, the wheels are off and I am free to begin all over again, and do discovery agaon. TJ will hate this as I know that he is hiding $ and vehicles. I am willing to let it go, for my own sake. I can hold my head high and KNOW that I have taken the high road. But if he will not honor the document, what does he expect? He will become very angry with me. THat is OK, but I have given him nothing to be angry about. Nothing.
I am tired of reading this post. I will stop now.
Thanks for reading.
Always, Hooollly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Hi Holly, god to see you post- well not good but you know what I mean I am sorry things did not work out for you,you had such hopes but I guess it's not over yet.
My H promised me all sorts pre D but when push came to shuv(sp) well things took a differnt turn but eventually we had a comprimise.
Telling everyone he will take care of you is par for the course-makes him look like the good guy. Who knows what goes on in their heads.
No advice really just make sure you protect yourself financially. Strange about the remarriage clause my x agreed same thing then when papers came it was all bets off. I did call him and suggest he was confusing my morals with someone elses anyway next thing it is back in agreement! Sounds like a script although basically I think they do care and are trying their best esp. when they haven't been horrible to us like some woman are subjected to.
I hope things can be worked out amicably. Take care of you.
You have been a class act throughout all of this. And you are in my prayers all the time.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Funny how nothing happens, and then everything. I had 2 letters from my lawyer in the mail today. 1. informing me that TJ has said he will sign the divorce. 2. informing me that TJ has contested the temporary spousal support. A time has been set aside to hear the contest, and it is on the first day of school, for 1/2 of my new kindergarten class.
I have been more than fair. He is testing me. How's that Trusting for being weird with money? He makes 4+ what I make and has seriously not been fair during our separation. I have paid for all of the college expenses and our daughter's wedding. He did leave money for these expenses, but that is all gone,and then some. I am living off savings and my income from teaching. He is a CEO.
I am so hurt.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
