Well I hit the one year mark this week, on being divorced. It has also been about one year since I have posted anything on the forum. I guess I am tired of being in a stall/holding pattern and want my life to move forward instead of sideways, so here I am.
Here is a brief view on what my relationship is with my XW. We have joint custody of our son, but he lives with me 80% of the time. I own my own business and my son spends his days with me. My wife works a 8-5 job M-F. Most days she comes over after work and we watch a movie or t.v. and have dinner. On most weekends (when she has custody) we spend at least one of the 2 days together. We get along really good and I enjoy her company and I believe she enjoys mine. But, I believe I enjoy her's, because I want things to work out between us and I still love her and find her attractive. I fell however, that on her side she just enjoys the company and the food. There is no chemistry between us, we are just like ol' friends hanging out.
So here is my quandary. I need to either start looking for a intimate companion or find a way to rekindle the spark between us. But, her lies the challenge. I am not quite sure how do approach either of these two options. On the dating side, I do not have many friends, so hanging out at the bar is not really an option, at least not without looking like a lonely looser. Plus I don't really want a bar type gal. Also, I am not religious and do not attend church, so I can't really use that avenue. Not that I want a religious type either. So, I am not sure how to go about finding someone to date. Any thoughts?
As far as rekindling things with my wife. I see that there is still a good chance there. She is not totally over me, does not hate me nor despise me. If she did she would not be hanging around me on almost a daily basis. I just need to re-build that attraction that she once had for me. But, how do I accomplish this? She is not interested in dating me. She rarely will do anything with me unless or son is going also. I have got to find a way to rebuild that attraction that we once had. Any thoughts?
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Is your wife trying to date anyone? That is a big one. It is amazing how the person who leaves for the greener pastures finds it is not quite what they expected. What have you done to make yourself happier, that she would notice? As an example, hobbies, working out, etc. When she sees you with more self confidence, it will be noticed. Both sexes love confidence in their mate. Good luck.
She has not tried dating at all and says she has no intentions, but time will tell.
I have not made any big changes in my my life, but even when we were married I was and still am a pretty confident person overall. I have branched out and expanded my business since we have divorced, which is something I have talked about doing for years.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
I'm one year out also. I'm thinking the thing I want the most from a relationship is total honesty - good or bad.
If asking her isn't an option, could you ask her to go to dinner sometime to discuss your feelings, etc.
I have thought about asking, but I am afraid of the answer I may get. I am kind of in a stall pattern. Hoping that she will see the positive changes that I have made and that someday she will want to come back to me. The bad thing is that she is a very head strong person and does not show or express her feelings, even when asked. Only on a few very rare occasion has she truly opened up and shared her true feelings to me. She has a tough shell around her.
I have got to make strides in winning back her trust and making myself attractive to her again, before I see any chance of her opening up to me. She is very guarded right now and may be for sometime. Honestly my biggest dilemma that I am faced with is what steps I need to take to make her attracted to me again. I know she has feelings for me and she deeply cares for me, but the attraction has been lost. When she feel in love with me over 17 years ago I was shocked then that someone like her could be interested in someone like me. We were only 20 then and things were much simpler. We were both crazy for each other. I have no idea how to begin recreating that which we had 17 years ago. I am in no hurry and for now time is on my side. I just have to find a game plan and go from there. Honestly though, I am not finding it to be an easy task.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
It really is insightful. It gives insight to how women really think. NOT how women think they think. Make sense?
Take Care,
NMD
Last edited by No_More_Dodo; 07/31/0808:10 PM.
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
No_More_Dodo I have not read either of those. Thank you for the info I will look into them. I will take all the sources I can get on how to proceed.
Nugget,
Read the book either way.... I know how it is when you want to make things work with your W.... I read about 10 books in eight weeks.... I found the 3% Man book post D..... I found it worked well....
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
Read the book either way.... I know how it is when you want to make things work with your W.... I read about 10 books in eight weeks.... I found the 3% Man book post D..... I found it worked well....
Take Care,
NMD
Will do. I am on the site now and it looks like a good read. Does not look like it is available in any stores near me. I am going to order it from amazon. Thanks for the tip.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Read the book either way.... I know how it is when you want to make things work with your W.... I read about 10 books in eight weeks.... I found the 3% Man book post D..... I found it worked well....
Take Care,
NMD
Will do. I am on the site now and it looks like a good read. Does not look like it is available in any stores near me. I am going to order it from amazon. Thanks for the tip.
I read the book in two nights.... It is very riveting.....
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
