Any day now

[Silver Fox]

Sorry to hear about your parents. Do you think you could suggest the DR book to your mom? Or perhaps a visit with a C?
65 is young these days!

[Nature Girl]

I'll find out more, but my sister says my mom is "working on" getting my dad into see a MC.

It's weird. My dad is an a$$, but I think my mom would be the strong one. I can't imagine what my dad would do if my mom left him. I think he wouldn't show it, but he would be devastated.

65 is young these days! My H and I used to joke that my mom and dad are the couple in the Ensure commercial! They just got back from a trip to Antarctica a few months ago. My dad just bought a jeep.

[Upside]

Hi NG-
I am sorry you have had a rough day. As hard as it is, try not to let your H's selfishness get to you...I know easier said than done. It took me years to figure out that I just have to ignore so much of what my XH does. You want to encourage him to have the best relationship possible with the kids but it is hard to do when hurtful things are said and done. Unfortunately, my kids have been stuck in the middle for most their entire childhood...I have done my best (most of the time...I am no saint) to minimize it but I have recently come to realize that my XH and his wife's guilt won't let them give me any credit for doing anything right. I just have to let it all go.

Your parents must know by now what you are going through. I hope you can try talk to them...you certainly have enough to adjust to. My mother used to complain about her H all of the time...I think since I have started to go through all of this with my H, my mother has had a small change in attitude. I think the people that come to this board (and stay long term) are a unique breed...but I hope that maybe our way of thinking will catch on to others...especially those who know us and love us.

I hope you can enjoy the rest of your weekend. Go out and find some fun things that you like to do...it will be good for you.

(((HUGS)))

Upside

[Nature Girl]

Hi Upside,

I wasn't so angry about it all after a time and now this morning it doesn't really bother me at all. It was pretty minor in the big scheme of things! I'm taking it as a good reminder to take off the rose colored glasses when remembering how my H was pre-mlc.

Since my parents live 2300+ miles away, I don't think they know anything about my situation. I was going to get myself centered and then let them know that H has moved out but not give them much detail. Now I am dreading piling my issues on top of their own. I'm sure they will be shocked just as the few people I've told about it over the past couple weeks.

[peacetoday]

NG
You are doing so well
It seems many people are surprized at the knowing of our breakup
but it seems that everyone has really understood
Many have been or know a handful of people going/gone thru this
everyone ws extremely supportive to me
I made many new/strong connections from it
peace

[Nature Girl]

Life goes on...

Wow its been a month since i posted on my own thread.

Friends are finding out that H has moved out. All seem so supportive of me and are very shocked. All want to smack him, but as of yet I don't think any have asked him directly "WTF are you doing?!?!?!?!", they ask me "WTF is he doing?!?!?" and all I can say is I don't know.

H acts like this is the most natural situation in the world, the kids seem fine, I seem fine, he offers lots of help with the kids (when he isn't in a trial).

I just wonder... no one is telling him he is making very bad choices and there don't seem to be any consequences, he really does have it all. HIS world is perfect.

I'm living my life and only showing him happiness and confidence.

He doesn't make any excuses to come and see me or talk to me. He only comes over or talks to me when he absolutely has to. He is "nice", but really only treats me politely like a relative he has to tolerate.

[Upside]

Hi NG-
I have been wondering about you and I am glad that you are finding comfort and support with your friends. I can only imagine the relief (and pain) now that the people who care about you know what is going on. I know when my H left, my friends and family wanted smack my H too...there are some that still do but I really think most are following my lead. If I forgive him, so will they.

H acts like this is the most natural situation in the world, the kids seem fine, I seem fine, he offers lots of help with the kids (when he isn't in a trial).

Key word is seems...it is all a house of cards...give it time.

I just wonder... no one is telling him he is making very bad choices and there don't seem to be any consequences, he really does have it all. HIS world is perfect.

You would think someone would be standing up to him and pointing out that his moral compass is broken. I wonder too if sometimes a good dose of reality is just what they need...but people in MLC live in denial of the truth. Their brains are scrambled and they can't handle the truth (especially coming from us)until they are ready to hear it...if ever.

He doesn't make any excuses to come and see me or talk to me. He only comes over or talks to me when he absolutely has to. He is "nice", but really only treats me politely like a relative he has to tolerate.

Try not to dwell on this too much...your H just left the house. I am sure he thinks his new found freedom is the greatest...but that will lose it's luster and then who knows what will happen. Just keep acting happy and confident and eventually you actually will be...regardless of what your H does.

I hope you and your kids are doing as well as can be with everything going on. Keep us posted on how you all are doing.

(((HUGS)))

Upside

[Dawn of Hope]

NG,
How are you doing today? Better and better, I hope!

I just caught up with your thread, and your last post really got my attention because there are so many parallels to my own sitch (except that my H still lives at home, 11 months post-bomb; also, we don't have any kids).

Friends are finding out that H has moved out. All seem so supportive of me and are very shocked. All want to smack him, but as of yet I don't think any have asked him directly "WTF are you doing?!?!?!?!", they ask me "WTF is he doing?!?!?" and all I can say is I don't know.

With the exception of a few people, mostly those who were much closer to him anyway, that's pretty much what I got when I started talking to people about it, right after the bomb (just could not hold it in, although in retrospect it might have been wiser...but then again, I might have exploded!!).

I just wonder... no one is telling him he is making very bad choices and there don't seem to be any consequences, he really does have it all. HIS world is perfect.

My H still seems unhappy, but I did wonder for quite a while why it seemed that none of the few people he was talking to about it would tell him flat out how absolutely WRONG and crazy he was being (not that I actually know who all he has talked to about it or what they are telling him, but I got a hint here and there). I think he still believes he has the moral high ground, despite his having cheated on me (apparently because I have been suicidally depressed for years...that's the main thing he has complained about)! I don't discount how rough it has been for him to deal with me because of my depression, but to say that's more a violation of our vows than him bonking someone else?? Now THAT is crazy for you!

I'm living my life and only showing him happiness and confidence.

Yup. My mantra is, "Be like Teflon." I just let everything he says or does roll off my back...at least in front of him. And strangely enough, the things he says about me are SO outlandishly horrid that I know they can't possibly be true, and my self-esteem has actually IMPROVED dramatically (compared to the last 30 years) once I began recovering from the bomb! That's another thing that's crazy! Although to be frank, it didn't really have anywhere to go but up...!

He doesn't make any excuses to come and see me or talk to me. He only comes over or talks to me when he absolutely has to. He is "nice", but really only treats me politely like a relative he has to tolerate.

Same here! I was so incredibly frustrated and upset when he started treating me like a stranger he didn't like but couldn't completely avoid. I'm pretty sure that if we didn't live in the same house still, since we don't have kids, I would go for months without seeing or speaking to him except for business necessity. These days my H won't even tell me in person that he's going out of town (always to see OW) and won't be home for several days!

Don't you want to just smack him and say, "WHAT is your problem with me? I am doing absolutely NOTHING to make your life worse! I am nice to you, I go out of my way to accommodate you, I pretty much do whatever you ask, I give you as much "space" as you want, and no matter what insane, selfish, or cruel things you do or say, I don't complain to you or argue with you...why are you still treating me like I have a contagious disease? Get OVER yourself already!"

Well, I'm not trying to make this all about me; I just thought it was interesting how many things you said in your post were exactly what I had thought myself at one or more points. Isn't it amazing how they all follow the same script and yet believe that nobody has experienced anything comparable to what they are going through? We know there are lots of resources for LBS's, but I can't help but wonder...are the WAS's all Googling "Old Boys' Network for Adulterers"?

Hang in there, NG! I hear that it will get better as time goes on!

Peace and courage,
Dawn