K, Thank-you very much for the road map! I will practice this ce soir. Day one went rather well...D7 and W went to bed early and together...I guess it is easy to take your distance when you don't sleep in the same bed. W did wake me up with a nice kiss and hug. She also asked if we could go to the amusement park this weekend with a few other couples....so other than the no nudge nudge, things are ok. My short term goal is to be sleeping in my bed with W and a little nudge nudge by the end of the two weeks.
Sorry to drop in on you but you were recommended by Mike from Tennesse as an a good example of how to turn things round after separation.
I hope you would be able to give me some pointers if you can spare the time.
My w and I separated on 1st August after a ILYB conversation a few months back. She basically didnt want to try anymore and found my efforts too suffocating although I had backed off.
She needed more space than we could manage while living together.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Kenny
Me:40 WAW, MLC?:39 Kids:S11,S9 T:25, M:14 ILYB:Apr 08 W moved out Aug 08 W:Does not Want to Try
Kenny,I would be more than happy to offer my advice. I appreciate Mike's reccomendation. A little disclaimer.....what worked for me in the past will not neccesarilly work for every sitch. The simple fact that I am in piecing does not make my advice any more valuable than the folks that are not here yet. See you on your thread.
Nothing new to report.....our wedding anniversary is the 13th. I know last year we went out for a less than "happy" supper...I do not have a good feeling about this year (although I am trying to remain positive). I am getting in a rut....W isn't showing much love and I am retreating further and further into my cave....I am now sleeping in my daughter's bed which is not only not normal but quite honestly borders on humiliating. I know it is up to me to step up my DBing. Quite honestly Mr. negative sometimes thinks that my W has some inner issues that she needs to take care of or possibly OM (which i never confirmed) is back in the picture.
Well, I followed K's suggestions (including the compliments using D7). I sense that the fog is slowly returning and quite honestly, i don't know what to do about it. Sure i could go for another round of real DBing (as in the post bomb days)...i just don't know if i have the strength or if i am fighting a losing battle. How could she go from let's give this another try to that blank stare in her eyes. I will need to give her some space before this blows up in my face. Any suggestions from experienced piecers or anyone eles would be appreciated.
My short term goal is to be sleeping in my bed with W and a little nudge nudge by the end of the two weeks.
John I think I missed somthing, what prompted you to be in a separate bed to W.
Also I have found that I had to drop my expectation on ML, as I was in the situation of the more I got the more I wanted and that was putting W off. So I've calmed on that and she is comfortable in bed with me.
The other thing I found is W moods still go up and down and I would immediatly think the worst, I've now become accustom to these changes and, well, we are still together.
John, Maybe go back and read your posts around where you turned the corner. I seem to remember you lying on the couch mixing business with pleasure. Would be interested to know if K's hit and run approach works. Is the W's business successful now? Did the house get refinanced in the end? What happened to the apartment you rented?
John, remember that whatever you do needs time to work. Don't be impatient and be positive. You have a family you want to keep together. Keep your eyes on your goal and be "flexible" about how you approach things.
I am off on vacation as of tomorrow, I will try to keep in touch for the next ten days. I don't want to hear any bad news. Love K
lan, When i moved out, D7 moved in the bed.....she has never really relinquished it. Also, W is not in the mood to have me "all over" her. Much like you I can never get enough and need to slow down......W has her own idea on how to accomplish this and is using D7 as a deterent. Don't know if that makes any sense. fb2, W's business (now that she is no longer hooked up with her old partner) is doing OK. We are working on a few things together and i am trying to help out with the "$" side. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out that what comes in has to be equal or hopefully greater than what goes out. Unfortunatelly, my W has alot of qualities but she can not seem to grab that rather elementary concept in business or in our personal life. the house has been refinaced and we are in the process of making some improvements on the home ($$$$). I still have access to the apt.....hopefully I will not need it. K, Have yourself a nice vacation....you deserve it. Don't try to hard to keep in touch...perhaps a few days of going dark or not reading about all our problems would be beneficial. I will try ot remain positive and be patient.....I have to admit that it has been difficult lately.
Another night in D7's bed....I honestly think this has gone too far and I am seriously thinking of drastic action. Ok maybe not drastic but something needs to be done.
