The short of our story. We have been together 12 years married 10. I think my H is having a MLC. He has asked me for a divorce because he needs to find his happiness. He said he is no longer in love with me and it is unfair to me to stay in the marriage. He want to give me the freedom to start a new life. Of course there is the OW. He is having an online affair with a friend from 25 years ago he just reconected with via FB. We have two kids S4 & D2. I am trying hard to stay the course and let him have his space, but this loneliness is killing me. He told me today the only reason he is still living in the house is for the kids and he rather not talk about it. I need encourament to stay on this course.
Me 39 H 43 Married 12yrs S7, D5 Bomb Dec 07 Online affair discovered June 07 Still trying to make it work
Hi just to say sorry you are here but welcome. Not all affairs are because of MLC.Some are exit affairs, some are just that, affairs that run their course. First off is to read up on the topics at the top of the page-advice. Have you got the DB books? Patience and then some is the key to MLC it can take years to go through, so whilst your waiting you have to concentrate on you and your children and get a life (GAL). What makes you think your H is in MLC apart from his affair? Got to dash now but I know its horrible when you pluck up courage to post and no one replies,so just wanted to say Hi and your not alone, keep coming back you will find great help and support here. Maybe tell us a bit more about yourself. Take care.
GAL very important...for yourself, and also so that your kids will have more normalcy and stability. You must concentrate on yourself and children, and let your H deal with himself. You must accept that there is nothing that you can do to change him, but that you can learn to become stronger yourself..and you will.
Whether it is MLC or not, you will learn to survive.
The loneliness...the part of us that feels 'ripped' out of our very bodies..will take time to heal. But the more you find out about yourself, the more you will be able to help heal some of that hurt.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
I would also say how sorry your here. But Welcome. This is such a warm, caring community who really knows alot about what you might think is a "lonley ride". My advice to you right now is to read as many posts you can, You'll start to read of others situations and how they will be so similar to what you are going through. Also, the more you post about your situation, the more people can be able to help you. Your going to find alot of good friends here.
Hi Lup, the most helpful words I can give you right now is please take comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this. We are all going through the same thing. Also know that it is not about you. It is all about him. Please focus on you and your children, that is where you will find your strength. Allow yourself to hurt, that is reality. We are here for you.
Thank you all for your kind words of support. The reason I think is a MLC is because all of the sudden everything is wrong with his life. He is unhappy with his job, his family lives too far away, we don't financial security and then it's most likely all my fault since he doesn't love me any more. He doesn't know that I know about his internet affair and he swears up and down he is not being unfaitful. I guess since he has not really had sex with her; he does not consider this an affair. He used to be such a loving man and he is a great father. He is very lonely himself since he only speaks to his online "friends". He pretty much has grown apart from any live true friend he had. I am trying my best to do the GAL thing. I got to say that I am still very much in love with him so it makes it very difficult to live in the same household and have little to no communication and I am a talker so it is even worst. He has commented to others that he wishes I told him to leave, but I refuse to do that. This is his decision to make not mine. In a sense, I am very scared of what will be of my life, but most importantly the life of my children without their father. There is so much good information I would like to offer to him regarding what divorce does to children, but for now he is not willing to listen and I am not going to keep pushing. I guess I will know when the time is right.
Me 39 H 43 Married 12yrs S7, D5 Bomb Dec 07 Online affair discovered June 07 Still trying to make it work
If I can give you a little insight on my situation that might help. My wife made her changes very suddenly too and although there was no PA there was a EA that ended with her looking like a fool. This sent her into a phase of anger that lasted months and although she did not say it, I am sure she turned all of her anger towards me and her kids.
Well we are almost six months in and I think she may be a place where she is trying to reconnect with the kids and then maybe she will see what divorce does to kids. I say all of this just to let you know in the beginning I kept saying what about the kids. She insisted that they would be fine and would not hear any talk of how it would hurt the children. I just think that with some MLCers, they are unable to think or at least act out of concern for anyone other than themselves. It has certainly been like that for my wife for some time.
