This time last year was without a doubt the hardest most miserable time of my life. Most of 2007 was nothing but a nightmare. I remember the only thing that kept me going some days was reading people's success stories so that I could find some kind of hope just to keep breathing. I had been meaning to post my success story for a bit now, but now I am finally confident now that the good times are here to stay. Hopefully my success story can give some hope to at least 1 person out there. For most of my story go back and ready my old threads, but here is the short hand version of it.
She left March 27th of last year, told me all the cliches like, love you but not in love with you, never loved you, I havent loved you the past 2 years, I just need to get out on my own. She told me to move on with my life, but almost always left some kind of hope of being back together someday in the future. I knew in my heart of hearts that she was having an affair, but she had me convinced otherwise. So I started dating a girl after she had filed for D, the second day I saw this new girl she tracked us down at a park and on July 4th told me she still loved me for the first time since March and admitted to having an affair with a guy she worked with. I took her back and that first time it lasted all of 3 days. She immediately started going back to the OM. And I made contact with the girl I started dated and started seeing her again. We went off and on back and forth for a while, she would come back for a week or 2 and then would run off again. These were some very trying times. Then at the end of August she moved all her stuff out of the house. All while this mess was going on the divorce was still going strong, she was hell bent on getting her divorce whether we worked things out or not. After the divorce was final on August 20th we were kind of still seeing each other, she said she was done talking to the OM (which turned out to be a lie). A few weeks after the divorce was final I thought we really started making the first real progress. She was staying with me at the house 3/4 the time. One night she gives me some story about helping her friend move and that she might not make it back to the house. She kisses me, hugs me, tells me she loves me and leaves. I tried calling her and she wouldnt answer her phone, I immeditely begin to think the worst, that she is with this other guy. So around 10am rolls around the next day and still no word from her and still not answering her phone. I had the kids, and I had a vague idea where this OM lived, but it was just an idea. I drove and drove all over the countryside since I knew he lived way out in the middle of nowhere. Sure enough I see her car sitting in a driveway in the area that I know he lives. I pulled up, knocked on the door and no one answers. I then see her peek out the window, I said I see you in there you may as well come out and give me an explanation. She comes out crying saying she knows without a doubt she is done with this guy, he is just using her for sex, ect. This probably was the hardest moment of my life. She was calling me all that afternoon asking me if I would still be willing to work on things with her, I told her no way, she was crying and begging me and I was like WTF, look what I just caught you doing. She calls me later that afternoon/early night and says that this OM is flipped out because when I left I gave the SOB a nice yardjob, he's saying that the yard better be fixed ect and that he was mad at her because it turned out she wasnt being completely truthful with him either, he had no idea that she was still seeing me we were working on things. So she calls me again saying she was at the store buying dirt and grass seed to fix his yard. I decided out of guilt to go out there and help her fix the yard. We go out to the OM's house together we have a somewhat productive talk on the way out there. We pull up and he's standing out there with a shovel, he helps me fill in the rut, I put the grass seed on the dirt. The whole time he wouldnt even make eye contact with me or her, he didnt say a word to me or her. We finish up and she starts crying on the way home that she wants to see the kids. So we pick the kids up from my parents and go to the house. I ended up taking her back and after that night she had started living with me again at the house.
Things were very very difficult after that point. I think she was really trying the first few weeks, but I would totally flip out at her, after catching her out there myself, I didnt trust her if I couldnt see her. Things were like I said very difficult and while she was still living at the house with me she still says to this day after coming completely clean she never had any contact whatsoever with him during this time. However we basically were at each other's throats every moment. So at the beginning of November she starts trying to get her own apartment. The deal was that things were just too difficult to live under the same roof, and that we would still try to work on things but live seperate. I was at the apartment pretty much 3/4 the nights but always went home, and of course I still didnt trust her. So we had a huge fight one day when I was at the apartment. That next day she made contact with the OM yet again some time at the very beginning of December. Then after talking to him once or twice he needed a ride and she went and picked him up, she had the kids and said that nothing happened which I believe since she has came completely clean to me. But after she told me that she was talking to him, even if it was supposedly strictly platonic I hah had enough and told her that was it. I completely gave up and started dating another woman. And just like before she immediately started begging for me back. After I had seen this other woman a few times she started in big time begging for me to be back with her. I wont go into details, but she took begging for me to come back to new levels. I wouldnt take her back. I think then she really started to realize what she had done and for the first time faced losing me forever. After declining her constant non-stop begging for around a week to 2 weeks, I really still loved her and really wanted her back, but I was so scared of her just doing the same thing to me all over again. I told her how bad she had hurt me, I made sure she knew that if I did take her back that she is simply gonna have to deal with me getting over everything she had done to me. I made it clear to her that this has to be it, that I cannot waste another moment of my life fighting a losing battle with her, if we do try one more time that she has to give it 120%, no more games, no more lying, no more nonsense period. She convinced me that she was willing to do whatever it took to make things work, she convinced me that she wanted me and our family to work more than anything in this world and I reluctantly gave her another chance.
Honestly I didnt hold much hope for things to work out at first. But we got back together a few days before Christmas. At first it was pretty tough, I had all kinds of pent up emotions that would come flying out, she sat there and took it, she didnt flip out at me (most the time), she has dealt with me having no trust in her (at first). Then a surprise happened on Jan 3, she found out she was pregnant. She assured me countless times that there was absolutely no doubt the baby was mine, and believe me I probably asked and drilled her dozens of times, she has came clean on everything, has answered every single one of my questions fully, and absolutely promised me that the last time she was with that OM was the day I cought her out there in early September other than giving him a ride that time she told me about. Unfortunately she lost the baby when she was just shy of being 3 months along.
So losing the baby was another test, I know alot of times losing a pregnancy can lead to the downfall of a healthy marriage, but instead of it tearing up down it made us stronger. She felt like that only reason a full took her back and stayed with her is because she was pregnant, when she found out it was because I loved her and wanted to be with her more than anything it made our love even stronger. I'll admit I sometimes have my moments of not trusting her, but instead of getting defensive now, she just hugs me, kisses me and assures me that I have absolutely nothing to worry about. We have been getting along better than ever despite all the other outside stresses going on. While this whole mess was going on the house ended up in foreclosure (we barely could afford the place together and 9 months of her being gone off and on left me in financial ruins). So its not like we're living in fairlytale happy land, but like never before we are taking on life's challenges together and making our family's lives the best we possibly can. We've never gotten along as good as we are right now, not even close, and that's counting the days when we first started dating. While I am in financial ruins, lost my house, and am living in her little tiny apartment with our 2 kids I honestly have not been happier.
Our original anniversery date was June 19th of 2001, and I told her a while back it would be cool if we could get remarried on June 19th. We've talked about it a few times since, but have never really done anything about it. Then just the other day I see her online looking at wedding dresses and informs me that she has started plans with her step mom and dad about having a little ceremony at her dad's church for us to get remarried. Since June 19th is in the middle of the week this year she is taking the day off work and we are officially getting married at the courthouse and then that weekend having a little ceremony at her dad's church that weekend.
Without a doubt this has been the most trying and difficult journey of my life. I believe that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, and never in a million years could I have ever imagined myself making it thru such a difficult time, heck I never even imagined of ever having to go thru such a tough time. But there is no doubt in my mind that what managed to get me thru this and have my happy ending is the Divorce Busting techniques along with my counselor and the myriad of relationship books I read. Without it I have no idea how I could have ever endured such times, or convinced my wife that what we have is something special and that the grass is indeed greener with me by her side. Now that all the crazy emotions have calmed down, the parts in the book that tell you how to make a relationship work are really kicking in and making this success long lived hopefully for the rest of our lives. If you ever are lucky enough to reconcile the parts of the book where it talks about breaking the cycle are the truest and best advice ever written/said. Unfortunately not all relationships can be reconciled but there is no doubt in my mind that advice will most definitely help in future relationships if reconciliation does not happen.
I sure hope my story can bring hope to at least someone out there, like I said before, reading other's success stories was the only thing that kept me going during my darkest days.
Thanks for posting your story mate & congratulations on your success.
It always gives me hope that something can change in my own situation when I read others storys like this one. I've been seperated exactly one year today & have had 4 talks of divorce in that time the 4th being today of all days lol.
Again thanks for posting & good luck for the future.
