Well, I can tell things are going back to "normal" for H and I.... I've gained all but 5 lbs I lost when H left! UGH!!! I think some of it is because of our crazy schedules, the inablility to work out the 3 days a week I need and the fact that I'm pretty secure that someone wants to be with me. Or at least professes he does.... but H is no motivation for me. He says he loves me the way I am, which is good, but I need him to help motivate me too- to support the healthly eating and running/working out by doing it with me and help with encouragement.
Anyways tonight we are celebrating our 11 anniversary. Several months ago, I looked at this day and figured I'd be celebrating it with a bottle of wine and alone (or with somone else), but now I'll be celebrating it with a good meal, good wine and my H. I almost still can't believe he came home, and with such little effort on my part.
I still struggle with doubts that this wonderful bliss can continue and I feel things falling back into the "old" ways. The major differences... H doesn't go to the bar anymore (only occasionally - like once per week or less), H goes and does a lot more with me and DD, and H sleeps everynight with me, which has helped our sex life. What I still need from H..... reassurance that I'm what he wants, that he thinks I'm beautiful and special, that he believes in me and my endevors (school, weight-loss), to be interested in what I did during the day, work or recreation. I just need a friend... and slowlee, slowlee, slowlee he's returning....... lets pray he stays.
Hi Cburch, I dont usually hang out over here b/c my H is still lost, but somehow I am here tonight...divine intervention???
Your post about the other man sounds exactly like my H over in MLC. You must remember that what seems perfect now with OM, will not hold up...it is an illusion of Satan's. God never leads Christians to D. The whole bible is about reconciliation of adulterous Israel with husband God. God takes marriage very seriously...it isnot just about a set of rules...he means what he says, he has his reasons and they are good. You said your H isnt a Christian. I suppose then that scripture would set you free if H refuses to live with you, but this is not God's choice for your marriage.
Please beware of Satan's illusions to get us from straying from the truth. God doesnt want you to D. He doesnt want any believer to D...he wants us to seek him and trust him for the reconciliation.
For your own soul please run to scripture, seek God and confess and repent of your emotional adultery or it will grow and haunt you. Satan is good at this game.
Glad things are going well w/H. When the doubts return, run to God, not OM.
Cburch, EXACTLY what shockedandamazed said! From "I dont usually hang out over here b/c my H is still lost, but somehow I am here tonight...divine intervention???" To "For your own soul please run to scripture, seek God and confess and repent of your emotional adultery or it will grow and haunt you. Satan is good at this game." & everything in between. This is an EA you have w/OM. A Christian man should end contact with you.
Quoting Cburch: I still struggle with doubts that this wonderful bliss can continue and I feel things falling back into the "old" ways. I just need a friend... and slowlee, slowlee, slowlee he's returning....... lets pray he stays. W&M
I don't want to be flamed for this but I am not religous, but I do agree that things with the OM will fade. Just the same as in your relationship now. Think about the beginning of your relationship with H...I am sure you will filled with hope and dreams, just like the rest of us. I "think" the OM should be out of the picture totally or it will always be in the back fo your mind. I understand where you at as far as not sure why it seems so good right now. That is kind where I am...things are going really well with H, sex is great, conversation is going really well. Then I start to second guess myself. Question everything, and read into everything done or said. Fortunately I have an awesome therapist I can call anytime so I don't have to unleash it all on my H. Is there a therapist or someone else in your life you can really talk to besides the OM?~~~Bonnie
Friday night was very nice. We had a very good time. It was a great resturant, not quite as romantic as I had hoped for, but still nice to be there with H. We finished dinner then walked a bit downtown. Then back home. Saturday (which was our actual anniversary) was very normal. H did ask me Saturday night to put back on my wedding ring. He was pretty sweet about it. He said he asked me 11 years ago to wear and he was asking again. I put it on.... not sure if it was the right thing to do or not, but I did it.
Just a quick response to shockedandamazed & lsl..Thanks... my faith in God has gotten me through the hell I lived for 6 months, the friend that God put in my life helped rebuild my self esteem and confidence. And God worked heavily in my H's heart to bring him home. God also helped me make a decision to return to H and my family. One things I've learned in this hole mess is that God loves me unconditionally, which is something that faltered with my H, and shouldn't have and wouldn't have if he had God in his heart. H has gone to church with me twice since he left, but I know that he only goes because I want him to... not because he wants to. I can only pray that something he hears will turn his heart totally toward God.
Hey Bkmarsh... why would you get flammed? Thanks for you're response. Its nice to know that I'm not alone in my feelings... I hate to second guess everything that H does, but sometimes I can't help it. Like right now, our fincials are in terrible shape. Especially his.... I can't help to think he came home because its easier to live off two salarys than one. Or that he knows I'll take care of everything and he won't have to and he didn't while he lived away. And it still makes me mad that he can just up and walk way and have a 6 month vacation from his family and responsbilities.
Thanks again, it does make me feel normal.
Oh yea, I do have a counselor that I'm seeing. And I do need to have a session without H, but I've been so excitied that H is willing to go that I haven't wanted to screw anything up!
Things with H are getting back to normal, but is that good???? I think I almost had unrealistic expectations when he came home.... that things would be so different that everyone would be able to see it. But its not and partly because there is so much history. We HAVE been doing things as a family more, trying to go out more alone, and he's came to eat lunch with me at work 3 times! I know all this seems normal and probably expected, but from my H its great. I just worry it won't last. I've lived being basically "single, but filing married" for the past 5 years, how can it change so fast? Does the doubt ever go away? Will I every let my guard down and be completely happy?
What I still need from H..... reassurance that I'm what he wants, that he thinks I'm beautiful and special, that he believes in me and my endevors (school, weight-loss), to be interested in what I did during the day, work or recreation. I just need a friend... and slowlee, slowlee, slowlee he's returning....... lets pray he stays.