Here's a question for you...my sister says that I will know when she is being friendlier, and perhaps stage 2, when she is not being judgmental when asking questions. What do you think? How do you know? Is it the follow-up questions/comments of concern/interest? Or is it the simple things like included in my text this morning, "hope u r having a good week."? Or both?
Funny. I just wrote you regarding your post on this subject in your thread. I'll expand on what I wrote there. Those are all correct. In my sitch on both ends when I was the WAW and started to become more friendly with my husband and now as the LBS and my husband has become more friendly with me it was a process.
1. Initially he would not call, when I called him he would be cold, and would give me the cold shoulder when I would see him. 2. Still would not call or accept invites, but would be friendlier when I would see him. 3. No calls, but would make conversation when I would call and see him. 4. Now calls, invites, accept invites, shows more interest and shares more about himself when we talk on the phone or see each other...
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
Funny, I just read over there, but this hammers what I needed to know I think. So, it appears that I am working toward or entering step 3... she does not call/text except for a reason but will share about herself when we talk on the phone.
So, once again, you are the greatest of help...and it's such a shot of PMA for the sitch when you break it down for the "clueless wonder poodle"
I am keeping my fingers crossed that things continue to move in a positive way for your sitch. I have learned a great deal from you and have been working on, and praying about my sitch. I am now on much firmer ground. I am going to stand for as long as it takes for my WAW to come home. I have found that the relationship I have with my W was not the only one I was neglecting. I am repairing my relationship with God first and then my W. Other than my salvation, my W is the best thing God has given me and no harsh words, cold shoulder, or other attempt to push my buttons will sway me from standing for the resurrection of my marriage. I wish you all the very best.
-Bryan
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
Clueless wonder poodle? lol. I wouldn't say you're clueless. My personal opinion is that it is difficult to step back and objectively look at our own sitch's b/c we are right in the thick of it and experiencing the whole gamut of emotions. You too have helped me to see the positive in my sitch and my H's actions.
I haven't seen or spoken to H since our dinner last night. He only called yesterday to tell me that I had recieved a message at the house, but I am expecting a call with the details for his surgery on Friday. I have a coaching session today so I am anxious to know how to approach the sitch. And ideas?
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
Long time no talk. Thank you as always for your encouragement. I am so glad to hear that you are standing strong for your marriage. I wish my husband hadn't given up on me as a WAW, but no looking back now.
Some good has come out of this pain for me and it seems like for you as well. My relationship with God was in need of repair and I believe this trial was meant to bring me closer to him. Without his strength I would be lost. I truly believe that the enemy has confused our spouses, but I pray that God's will will be done. I am praying for us all.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
Bryan hit it big time...Simple and we had heard it before, but hadn't been doing it. Put the Lord first, family second, ... somehow we got that all messed up.
So, glad you have coaching session, I hope it goes well. As far as ideas for sitch...I think what you are doing is great. I also think he will call as you expect and give details of surgery. I think you will get a lot of your sitch questions answered then. You know kind of like I learned a few weeks ago. He has been thinking about what will happen after the surgery and probably has a lot of it thought well out. Let him tell you what he wants when he calls. I'd be careful not to give/offer way more than he wants, but only you can guage that during the call. I just feel like he will want you around plenty and that would mean the absolute world to me if my WAW would do that...him letting you be apart of it, when he didn't last time, that says something to me.
I think I stated this in a previous post to you, but I really sense that his heart is softening towards you. My only advice would be to continue to be patient and embrace/accept the current situation (which I think you're doing). In other words cherish the friendship, be supportive of him, and thankful that the both of you can be cordial with one another, enjoy the moments you get a chance to speak with him or meet with him and don't get too caught up in what will be. Everything else will fall into place.
Thanks for being a voice of hope for so many LBSs
Me: 35 WAW: 34 T: 7.5 yrs M: 3 yrs (2/14/05) no kids ILYB...& EA Bomb 1/5/07 S - 6/15/7 PA started 6/16/07 D Final 10/14/08
