Making progress...slowly

[JoieDeVivre]

Hurtin,
I agree with LO. Stay strong -- and detached. Have you thought about what you will say or will you just listen? I wouldn't go in with any expectations.

Joie

[Hurtin4certain]

Im not really going to say anything, I'll just listen.

I think she'll be able to see by my lack of communication that the fire is dying within me. I dont have much left in the tank (Ive said that many times before but always kept trying), who knows how Ill feel tomorrow.

I guess I kind of feel like a sucker, my life on hold while W goes on and has fun in her new R. My friends are all calling me a doormat, maybe they're right.

[JoieDeVivre]

Sounds like a plan. I have no doubt that your tank is about empty.

I'm sure your friends see you as a doormat, but until they have been through what you or any of us have been through, they really can't empathize. Many of us here had preconceived notions of what we would do if this happened to us, but here we are.

You absolutely deserve some happiness with someone loving, caring and devoted. NoCode attends a divorce support group (maybe he can comment on that). Have you looked into that in your area? I would find it helpful (just like this site) to get together with folks in similar sitchs if I was separated.

How is your D doing? Does she still spend time with your W?

[NoCodeBlues]

H4C,

I am sorry this is happening. You've been dealing with this for such a very long time now. I have a friend and former coworker whose W was bipolar -- she destroyed both of their lives with her mania (she refused to stay on her meds) and cost him his job as well (long horrible story); in the end he had to give it up give his W the D she demanded.

I have another friend and business colleague whose W also suffers from manic depression. By contrast he has put a lot of his faith in God and been through hell and back with his W. He has the patience of a saint and his W knows this -- it is a constant struggle for the both of them and their four kids, but they work very, very hard to keep an even keel and they have managed to stay together despite the turmoil. It helps that both of them are both strong in their faith.

Joie mentioned that I go to divorce support group. I go to a local church that is hosting a group using the DivorceCare program (http://www.divorcecare.com) , an international faith-based course of 13 weeks for those divorced or separated. We meet once a week, have a short devotional, watch a 40-minute DVD and then have a 20 minute discussion afterwards (which often continues a bit longer afterwards). Our group has also started meeting outside the regular meeting for various social get-togethers. I don't know if this particular program, which I highly recommend, is offered in your area, but there are likely several other groups and programs aside from this one that might be available.

[Racer Chick]

H4C,
I have been on both sides of this. Just rescently I was the one doing it. If it helps your W is not really sure what she wants, that is why she is doing what she is doing.
The only thing that I can tell you is to continue to detach yourself from her and take baby steps don't put yourself out there to take huge leaps. That will benefit both you and your D. Remember DB 101, it took time for this to happen and it will take time to get it back.

[Dr LOve]

Racer Chick,

would you have continued as long as your husband continued to be
a door mat? I am not saying this tobe mean. it just seems that after a year if there is only little progress a choice needs tobe made

Dr Love

[Hurtin4certain]

So she was supposed to call me at 12pm to make plans to meet and talk, no call. She seems to be doing this more and more, making plans and then not following through.

I dont get it, I wonder if she just wants to mess with my head or if OM has something to do with this?

[Dr LOve]

Hurtin4certain,

If she really wanted to get a D don't you think she would be calling? If she really wanted to end it don't you think she couldnot wait to tell ya?

seems she is not so sure..

Dr LOve

[Yoyowife]

H4C,
I hate that she has put you in limbo land again. I agree with everyone, detach from her. Come on here to vent all you want, we're here for you.

[Hurtin4certain]

W sent a text today:

Sorry I didnt call yesterday. Had car issues and I was a little scared.

I replied:

Its cool. No worries.


I think she might be scared of how I might react now that she knows that I know she is sleeping with OM again?

Im getting ready to drop my D off with W soon and Im nervous as hell. For some reason I get really nervous whenever I hear her name or if I know Im going to see her soon.

H4C