Hope is wonderful. She just bought me lunch today.
Oh hurt, the surprise of betrayal and the hurt feelings.....I am so very sorry. I think you both need space, its very tense right now. He is hurt and lashing out at you (don't they always?) and you are hurt and embarrassed (I sooo understand that). No reason to feel ashamed, even though we do. I am thinking of you. Get some space from the pain and things will be better.
I am also sorry for what your H decided to do. Thats horribe, I wouldnt wish your pain on my worst enemy.
Have you considered a Divorce Care group? I would recommend it. You'll be surrounded by people going through the same thing you are.
Keep in mind that your emotions are controling your actions right now. With time you will begin to regain your emotional equilibrium.
I recommend getting a free consultation with an attorney right away, H could clean out your bank account before you have the chance to do anything about it. Protect yourself.
We all care about you, hang in there.
H4C
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
Thanks so much for your support.I kept thinking about your insights last night and today and they helped me through the day. H is stirring things, he called all night begging to come back. I did say some nasty things to him in each one of them is that if he wants to live life this way he could at least be away from decent women who have different moral values than his.
I think he's giving up the idea of opening up. It was a blef.
He keeps saying he knows he was the worst of the jerks but his sayings doesn't get through me. I am disgusted.
I took H4C advice and started to look for a support group here. I can't do this by myself. I am so lucky to have you guys here. Gladly I am the one that controls the Finance and we have separate accounts so most of our savings are in my name.
He said today that he needs to change and search his soul. He is thinking of doing radical changes that he will give me attorney power to do whatever I want with the assets as he will go away. Didn't get through me either. Now everything he says sounds phony to me.
Anyway, I feel as a heavy lift has gone from the house now he's away. I feel I have some air to breath. Once in a while thoughts of him and OW comes to my head. And I am still astounished he is the way he is.
I just pray I will be strong enough to go all the way with this and that he can find some light in his life someday.
H has lost it. He quit his job (a very succesful one) and is going somewhere outside the country to make charity. He thinks that something like that will heal him from his evil doings. I have just told him that no matter where he is if he doesnt't dig into his soul he will have no peace. He's giving me full attorney power to make whatever I want with our assets. Our lawyer called me.
Oh my. Sounds like he is really hurting...really lost. How sad that what he needs is serious counseling and maybe meds, but instead, like many of our spouses, he is running. I'll think good thoughts for him, but also think them for you.
This space from him will help you heal and gain some perspective. And there is no need to do this alone. I just got a reference today for a counselor and I would be lost without this board. HUGS!
I know. He's been on C for a while, changed it 2 times. Nothing seem to move him from his goals. He was so quick I didn't see this coming. I told him no matter where he's going his problems will always be there unless he makes a journey to himself. He said that's the way he will cure himself.
I think it's crazy, no matter what I don't want him to throw away the good achievements in his life although I can support myself financially in everyway. He says he does not want anything material from our M if he is not with me.
It's truly a person I don't know. This guy who is completely materialistic now is talking about spiritualistic things. The call from the lawyer just blow me away. I am the only family he has left. But it seems there's nothing I can do.
Relieved is a normal response. You are living with a large amount of stress.
Keep his finances in order, save him some money, after living on what you need of course. He is so obviously trusting you with his financial situation, that says a lot. If you talk to him before he leaves, send him off peacefully saying something general like "Be safe, and know I still care about you".
I did not post in a while. My life is hell now. H didn't go for his trip. We had a long talk, he begged me to give him another chance. Anyway we had this huge fight about his sexual rejection to me. The next day I was taking measures to leave him for good. We had another talk, I was calm and distant this time. He asked me no to go along with my plans and give it a thought, he would give me space and try to reconnect. Well after a day, these images of him with OW haunted me to the point I got sick to my stomach. I ended up releasing on him everything I was feeling. He said he never saw me like that before.That the pain was tangible. he said anyway our deal about space and thinking is on.
A couple of days passed, I tried to get my senses back, read a lot, GAL and everything else.
Yesterday he chased me physically. It felt good. We went out for dinner. When we came back, I let him know I wanted to ML. he rejected me again, acting tired. I just shut my mouth and went to bed. Today he left on a business trip, before he left he just gave me a long and sad look.
I wanted to tell him that I am fed up with this, he was not tired to catch a plan and have sex with OW.But he is tired to do that with me. How does he expect me to cope with these feelings if he is not helping much?
Well, finally all my hope is gone. I have to face that despite I love so many aspects of my life with him, I do not want to be a celibate and don't want to be hurt again by his old ways.
I am feeling so tired and depressed and the pain won't go away. It's a minute by minute exercise of not doing something stupid like snooping, calling OW or letting him messages in his email and messaging.
First of all, you are already feeling pretty down. Snooping, calling OW or him will not make you feel any better. Let's take it hour by hour and try not to do those things. Space will help you. That totally frustrates me that he wants you back, gives hints that he wants to ML, then turns you down. I would say that would devastate me as well.
Don't give up all hope yet. He didn't leave. He still loves you and you love him. That's a good base to work through the rest of the mess. Eventually. Just take this time for yourself. No contact with him until he tries to reach you.
