I am so sad- I am just blah- went to church with the kids- then took them back to my mom's I just can't let them see me falling apart. H did call but to tell me he wasn't sure he wanted a divorce but that "I" would have to do alot of changing i.e. not being so distrusting of him Imean after all the man has only had 3 affairs in the last 2 years- I mean really- why should I doubt- then I heard once again the ILYBNILWY speech which is funny b/c just a few weeks ago he was saying how in love with me he was, i try to confront him and he says he is in control of his life and I need to get mine together- can you believe that? he then tells me he is hanging up and I won't be hearing from him again until he is good and ready to talk to me.
WHAT IN THE HECK IS GOING ON IN THEIR MINDS?
Love,Lisa
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
Lisa...follow through with YOUR plans...don't let H sidetrack you UNLESS he is doing the work HE NEEDS TO DO...then you can slow things down if you need to...otherwise...continue on your course to protect you and your children...
My thought...he might actually be thinking how much this will cost him in child support and alimony!...but I can assure you he isn't thinking about what is best for you and his family...tomorrow is Monday...not sure if the courts are open or not but you can check it out...if not some courts will post paperwork online that you can print off...at least you can get started...don't stop...keep moving forward with your plan...the only thing that should slow you down or stop you is IF H makes a REAL move to help himself...otherwise this is Lisa's life and she is going to take the reigns and go where she needs to for her and the kids!
I am so sad- I am just blah- went to church with the kids- then took them back to my mom's I just can't let them see me falling apart.
H did call but to tell me he wasn't sure he wanted a divorce <---All about him..... but that "I" would have to do alot of changing i.e. not being so distrusting of him <---All about him Imean after all the man has only had 3 affairs in the last 2 years- I mean really- why should I doubt- which is funny b/c just a few weeks ago he was saying how in lovethen I heard once again the ILYBNILWY speech <---All about him with me he was, i try to confront him and he says he is in control of his life <---all about him and I need to get mine together- can you believe that? he then tells me he is hanging up and I won't be hearing from him again until he is good and ready to talk to me. <----Again about himWHAT IN THE HECK IS GOING ON IN THEIR MINDS?
Love,Lisa
See how he project it about him in all he talks about? Nothing about how are you or the kids. Just by you wanting or willing to talk to him strokes his ego. Makes his head bigger. Thinks your going to beg. Please try a week without speaking. Get started on your plan. I know it hurts and its hard not to want to talk to him to see what is in his head. To see why he left and not coming back.
I always thought about my ex if I were severly hurt or physically disabled, would he be there for me. Guess what my answer was? NOPE....He cared only of himself and alway ran when the going got rough so how would I trust that he would be there at my weakest point? Think about yours. Would he for you?
And how do you feel by him judging you now telling you that you need to change? Yes, Lisa, you do by getting stronger as an individual without rescuing someone that doesn't care. And after you not being there he will run to his parents or whomever to get them to take care of him. Remember he doesn't have a job so someone has to. He isn't at his weakest point yet. And is just rubbing it in your face cause he knows your sad and disappointed. Time to get happy and love yourself. Think positive and positive things will happen.
Let him think about how it will be like without you there. Truly if you had to talk to him just about the kids and that should be all. You don't have to talk about you both. Do what you need to to and he will get the idea your serious. Take back the control and don't give it away to someone that can't do it on his own moreless for a family of 7.
Lisa - He's really not in a good mental state right now. Don't get suckered into responding to his spewage, or arguing with him about things. Much of what he says about YOU is actually projection of what he feels about HIMSELF.
Let's face it - right now he's either mentally ill and/or on drugs and/or in another affair. Do what you need to do to protect yourself financially, be calm and clear and keep to the high road when you speak with him. Let go of the rope. For the next week, focus on having a nice Christmas with your kids. Visit family or friends, go out for a drive or a walk to look at Xmas lights, bake cookies, sing carols, make popcorn chains, watch Xmas movies. Don't let your H's craziness ruin Xmas for you and your kids.
After Xmas, you can start thinking about what your future plans will be. Frankly, your H might well return again. BUT - I think you have to start thinking of him as a very unreliable source of income and support. He sounds crazy enough that it's entirely possible he'll end up unemployed or drug addicted or a suicide. I think you'd best be starting to think about how to create an independent financial future for yourself; one in which you would be okay even if he stopped paying support.
Don't let him rob you and your kids of a nice Xmas. Let go of him for now.
Let's face it - right now he's either mentally ill and/or on drugs and/or in another affair.
I vote for all three! Listen to Ellie, and joyful, and Lin. All I can tell you is that his behavior isn't right. some may be triggered by losing his job, but one has to ask why that happened? Bosses hate to fire at Christmas, he must have had some serious trouble there, too, for that to happen! I don't think he troubles are limited to you, Lisa, in fact, I'm not sure you are even near the top! Protect yourself, and especially your kids, with everything that's available to you.
I can't offer any better advice than you have already gotten. I will pray for your family tonight...
"""HUGS""""
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Lisa, how in the world do you fit a family of 7 into a one bedroom place? I understand as much as anyone what it is to live according to income but OMG you must be tripping on each other! Tension must be be high for everyone, there is absolutely no room to breath.
The kids (is that baby too?) are spending a lot of time at your moms, can you stay there too? you stayed with her a couple years ago, is it an option to go back? let go of the one bedroom/7 person place. Something more to think about is that IF your H would get a jumpstart and find a place big enough for all the kids he would have a good chance for at least temporary placement as you don't have adequate accommodations for them.
Are you working yet? you were doing real estate right? how's that going?
You got lots of good advice about legal protection, get busy and protect yourself and your kids. $30000 is a lot of money but it's miniscule compared to some MLCrs, and at least you're not in a community property state!
Do you have any type of family traditions with your kids? make some special memories with them and for them this Christmas.
I think Florida is a Community property state isn't it?
I can't live with my mom again- The place we have has a huge living room and I have made that into a bedroom for the kids- I am able to stay here almost rent free so I will stay here- The baby is back and forth btw my mom and me she loves it. My Realtor dues are due and I just don't have the money to pay them so I am not working right now. I am registered with a temp agency soI am waiting on that. I can't do alot b/c of the kids school and I home school my 12 y/o. Also my kids are very active in sports and I am very involved on the boards of those sports so I need to be flexible- It sounds like i am being a brat I know but these things are very important to my kids
30,000 is alot of money to me!!!!! I wish I had it now- I understand where you are coming from there though I should count myself lucky it wasn't more. But it has cost us our home.
Thanks to everyone Merry Xmas Lisa
Ps kids at my mom's I need to go over there but I feel so guilty that I have nothing for their xmas- even though I know all they want is me- My mom is having a ball with them though. so it is good they are making memories with her b/c she is getting sicker each year.
prayers to all
Lovelisa
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
The sites Google found for me do not say Florida is a community property state. I hope this turns out to be a good thing for you. I hope you enjoy Christmas with your kids!
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
