CVA - Figuring out What's Next

[Puddle]

Hey CVA,

Sorry to hear about your son. Have you had a chance to speak with him about it?

Take care.

[waw1978]

CVA

Sounds like you are going about this the best way possible. I think the email is a step in the right direction. Hopefully your W will realize that you two can sit down talk like adults without attys first and try to figure things out. This would be in both your best interests both financially and for your children. As you said in previous posts throwing money away on attys will just hurt everyone involved in the long run.

The fact is, the kids come first. Their best interests need to be considered. D11 & D9 are old enough to know exactly what is going on and will remember how both of you acted during this whole process.

PS: Great idea about discussing withdrawals from your bank accts etc. Probably makes her feel more secure to see you are not cleaning out the accounts or doing anything underhanded. Hopefully she will take your lead and do the same.

(((CVA)))

None of us here wants a D but being amicable doesn't always further the rift. In some cases it really lets the other spouse see us for the people we are or have become. Continue being new CVA, not controlling or angry. Accept this for what it is. You said she is being more polite. Maybe she feels relieved and this may open doors to communication esp once she sees that you are not going to revert to your old ways since she pulled the rug out from under you.

Keep true to the new you. Remember from the Semisonic song:

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

I know, not Rob Thomas...

[Not Much Left]

Hey WAW and Puddle, thanks for the thoughts / comments.
I talked to him briefly, he did not want to discuss around his brothers or Sister. I will tonight when I put him to bed. I think my W, being a woman (no offense) has a hard time understanding boys as hard as she actually does try. Boys get in fights, period, full stop as I used to say to guys in IBanking. However, something else is going on here and only a Dad I think can get to him and help him understand why what he did is wrong, he hears his mom but...this is why having 2 parents is so crucial. I had NO female role model (no mom) and as a result, did not really understnad women's needs / moods whatever when I got married. It affects you, no questions.

Gonna take the high road no matter what she does / does not do. Only thing I know how to do despite my history of overreacting, it was always done with honesty and no long-term agenda to be cruel. So now it is the same attitude with a different way of showing it on the outside.

Thanks again
C

[MissingMyHoney]

cva, As what waw said be humble, its hard to do and sometimes it feels as if you are kissing a** but do what needs to be done. Whenever you get angry just walk away and scream or bounce a basketball or something. Just dont rebut back to the W. I have learn how to control my anger very well and it has been successful. Within 4 months, many things have changed and within the last 45 days it have been better than last June. I still get the opportunity to sleep with the W and cuddle but no sex as yet. I dont demand sex or even ask for it. If it will happend so be it but I am patient about it.

[Not Much Left]

Thanks MMH

Feeling a bit weird right now. Having anxiety about going home....picking up the kids from school and not real high on dealing with W at all. I just dont want / maybe cant handle the cold yet polite W. If it were a friend treating you this way, you wouldnt want to be near them, would you? I dont. So I will go up to the study and work or just avoid her I guess. Anxiety sucks, I thought I was done with that "cant get a deep breath" feeling.

CVA...Its just anxiety, a feeling, it will subside....ohmmmmmmm

[waw1978]

CVA you will be fine!

Ducks back my friend.

Let her coldness roll right away. Act as if. Beat her at her own game. Be polite but detached. Don't let her see you sweat Wasn't that a deoderant commercial?

Anyway...Even if you feel like you can't breathe and you are having cardiac arrest. Look at those great kids and their smiling faces and then head out as quickly and calmy as possible. Head off for a night of fun and quality time with your children. Easier said than done but hopefully they will keep your mind off the other stuff. Not sure what your plans but I hope its something that will make you all smile...

Hang in there. Good thing you are in Texas...you know how to take the bull by the horns and hang on for the bumpy ride. Okay so maybe not all Texans are cowboys but a gal can dream right?

Take care.

[Gone Dancin']

Good thing you are in Texas...you know how to take the bull by the horns and hang on for the bumpy ride. Okay so maybe not all Texans are cowboys but a gal can dream right?

LMAO!

[craig54]

THINKING ABOUT WOMENS UNDERWEAR, THIS IS JUST NOT FAIR. TORTURE.

[Puddle]

Hey CVA,

I just dont want / maybe cant handle the cold yet polite W.

May be too late for this already, but I hope you were able to do as waw suggested---duck's back. Friendly, calm, distant.

Anxiety sucks, I thought I was done with that "cant get a deep breath" feeling.

Anxiety does suck. Hope you get/got some deep breaths. It's all part of the ride. You're in a new place now, an unfamiliar one in your sitch, and anxiety is totally natural, I think.

Can you pinpoint what, exactly, you're anxious about? What's your concern? Something about what W might do/say or something you might? I ask because for me it's always helpful to get underneath the feeling and figure out what it's about. Helps to defuse it a bit, and gives me a clearer picture of what I want to do, how I want to behave.

(((CVA))), hope it went well, and you had a good time with your wonderful little ones.

Take care.

[Not Much Left]

Thanks Puddle!
Just about to put them to bed, more later on your questions which are all good ones and good pts

C