It has been a very long time since I have posted. Jan07 the H tells me he is moving out and wants a D. He also tells me that he will give us 90 days to figure things out (just needed space). All of our friends and family were shocked and figured he would be back. Well, he started dating OW 3 weeks after he moved out and has been living with her since June. I tried to rationalize it all and hit has been extremely hard. He has no job, going thru a divorce with 2 kids and this woman thinks he is the best thing. He went on to tell me that she is the greatest person in the work blah, blah, blah-I am sorry but I don't think a qualilty woman would get involved in the middle of this. The kids are the ones who are hurting the most-they love their dad but don't want to be around him and the OW. He constantly has her invovled with them etc. They are in counseling and so is dad. His counselor told him that he had no business being in a relationship at this time and that he needed to get his own place so he could work on things with his kids. H response-I am going to do what I am going to do. The have fun with dad but basically hate him for what he has done. We had issues before he left but nothing like this-he has impoded the family and the kids are suffering. The OW is 38, never been married and so not his type. He thinks this is the love of his life and they are going to grow old together. I guess I don't get how a man can just walk away and not think there will be any repercussions. Blows my mind... Susan
Did I write this post? It sure feels like it. Oh my dear Mom I know this is little consolation but your H is basically going to act like a person on drugs and there is little you can do to control a drug addict. You can focus on your kids and do what the TH said and keep you and your children from the pain of his affair. he is having an affair as we speak and that is completely wrong for the kids. He is in such a fog he cannot make apropriate choices. His OW has obviously been a person that is selfish or stupid or competitive or immoral. I am guessing she is not a gold digger. But there are five types of mistresses. I am so sorry but please protect yourself first. Read Divorce Remedy and it will keep you sane and clear minded. I am guessing you already have since you have been here since January. Your H and your Marriage is now a cliche like mine. H looks to see if the grass i greener, finds that the grass is not greener, but cannot move back home because H has no self respect, etc. That no repercussions comment, OMG!! They will stay in denial forever because if they faced the truth they could get suicidal. My dad has acted this way for 30 years and he is still in denial and compartmentalizes that his cheating had no effect on his parenting. Crazy.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Thanks for the note...it is surreal. He has turned into a person I don't know. I look at things and just scratch my head. The funniest thing is he is not an animal lover and currently living with 2 Dogs and 3 cats in a 900 sqft home. I can barely stand to look at him and he me. He acts towards me as if I was the one who cheated.
I think this is also surreal. My H is also living with a house full of critters as this OW is a very young dog shampooer and vegan so my H has left his home of kids to take care of a bunch of other kids. His OW is 16 years younger and they room with some teenagers! I have no confirmation of this just rumours. Otherwise we assume he is still technicaly homeless and couch surfing. He lies about it all anyways. I just do not let him have any overnight visits with the children. Why can't you enforce that also? If your H is already cohabitating just stop all overnight visits. It may not be the law but it is not healthy for anyone to introduce a new partner for many months. My children will not meet the person who attacked their happiness. Ilet that be known when my H finally admitted his affair several months after it even bagan.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I too can relate. My husband left his wife and 5 children. Just like he left his first wife and two children there to move in with a bipolar woman he met in a psychiatric unit. I also have to wonder what kind of woman wants a man with 2 wifes he has left and 7 children. I have no advice but just to tell you to hang in there.
My children also hate the OW and have only seen her once. My step children whom call me mom and love me unconditionally also say they are coming to me for the holidays not their dad. He is addicted to this needy woman who has the same illness as him and in the meantime has given up his relationship with the children. I know it is very hard but just be there for your children, love them, and let them know they are loved even if bad choices are being made. When they get older they will see the truth and see everyone for who they really are.
I know this because as a child I went through this and now I am going through it as a wife and mother.
Hugs and hang in there.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
