D'ing my WAW

[SuperDad]

Hi Chris and Cliffy!
Yeah, it does not really impact me anymore. Got another earful from W about letting S8 ride in the front seat. He is a really big guy, so I thought it was fine, but turns out all of the recommendation are for them to sit in the back til they are 12 (regardless of height and size), so I guess I am doomed to listening to him and S6 fight in the back seat til I buy my new SUV!

Anybody driven the new Saturn Outlook? It would look nice with my new bike on top and towing the 215 hp Seadoo that I've got my eye on!

I went to IC today. He felt that my balance of patience and pushing is reasonable. If anything, he encouraged me to push a bit more in the times when W is upset with me, just reinforce that this is why we should move on with separating/the big D. Of course, the main reason that this has not happened is her inability to support herself and my inability to afford two households, at least anything like what we have now.

The good news is that she was up late last night working on a project for a friend's company. This likely will turn into regular work if she wants it. A nice alternative to returning to teaching, if she does not want that. Either way, good for her and me.

Finally, I registered for the super-sprint today and got my bike tweaked just so. The weather is looking perfect this weekend, so hopefully I will get in a nice ride along with a trip to the beach and the 5k run I am doing.

SD

[swashy]

You sound good man - keep at it!

215hp Seadoo??? Dear God. I had a 115 on my 19' boat...i can't imagine what that would do! lol. That's a lot of toys....Sure you are not having your own MLC?

[SuperDad]

215hp Seadoo??? Dear God. I had a 115 on my 19' boat...i can't imagine what that would do! lol. That's a lot of toys....Sure you are not having your own MLC?

My W is having a MLC. I am having a mid-life AWAKENING!
SD

[BRIDGET]

Hi, Superdad.

I'm an oldtimer on the board and I don't post very
often, but your thread caught my eye and I want to
send you a hug and some thanks.

Thanks, man, for getting a grip.

Thanks for determining the best way to go
and going there.

Thanks for your integrity -- note the word "grit" in there.

It isn't easy, and you're standing up to the challenge.
Way to go.

My situation was similar -- M 15 yrs, cake-eating WAS with several other women, geez was he touchy and mean even though
he was the one lying and cheating... and even though I lost respect for him, I also waited out his MLC to see if we could
repair and reconnect.

And I also got athletic in the meantime, and recovered
some of my youth and vitality even as the R unravelled.

In the end, my H came out of his daze and admitted to me
his confusion, rebellion, pain. He actually did not remember
the harmful things he did and said. It gets to be UNREAL,
dealing with INSANITY like this.

So although he and I made up and made friends,
I decided to TURN AWAY FROM him and close the book
on that chapter of my life.

Divorce took a long time, but with every brick laid down
on the pavement, my path became steadier. I had to pay him
half of everything. I had to "be fair" (even though he was
the one who cheated). I had to LET GO of the burn of that.

As you know, this takes DISCIPLINE.

It's hard hard work and it makes you FOCUS.

And the prize might not be where you expect.

I found out about the distortions that come with depression,
and I found I couldn't cure my dear but now-crazy-as-a-coot
husband of his deluded outlook when this trouble took hold of him. Breaks your heart, you love them so and you used to be able to help them and they helped you...

But now we depend on others and have to be the ones to
set the example. Sucks. But we're the dads and moms and
sisters and bros the world needs. The world needs to
follow our example.

The world needs you. Keep showing your strength.
You're a shining star.

Today my money is my own, I have a splendid outlook,
a flat stomach, clear thinking, and a red guitar.
I rescued an older big dog and feel great about having
him in my life.

I'm in my fifties, yet I still get "those glances" and
I make it a point not to worry about "getting old."

I think we've already BEEN "old" and are working on
being spirits of grace, making us ETERNAL, going forward.

Bless you and a prayer for your WAW. As everyone has told me,
you wouldn't wanna be her, no way.

Hug your kids,

Love, BRIDGET (I post in Hopefullness)

[Nomopo]

Great post Bridget! Thanks for posting that!

Nomo

PS-hi Superdad!

[SuperDad]

Hi Bridget and thanks for the great post and support.

Funny, but posting on this bb has given me a huge amount of strength. I think I would have never found the patience I need without it.

I am now focused on an exit strategy that is best for the kids. Seems like adding on a suite and calling it alimony might be the only quick way, as my WAW is still unable to support herself and not filing for divorce. Strangest damn thing I ever saw! She doesn't want me, but can't or won't leave me. I really feel like I have an overgrown teenaged daughter!

BTW, I am so envious of you for being in the city by the bay. I went to school in the bay area and only left due to the cost of living. I dream every now and again about returning, but now is clearly not the time.

Thanks again for the post, I am copying it into my journal for reference the next time I am feeling down.

SD

[C_K]

Hi SD
That was a great post from Bridget. Its good to see how together you are at present, I cant imagine how hard it must have been to get there while you still live in the same house.

As for the 215hp Seadoo I am jealous ! I have too many toys now !

Dave

[SuperDad]

Dave,

As for the 215hp Seadoo I am jealous ! I have too many toys now !

I don't have it yet, it's just the next toy on my list. I still have to pay for my bicycle and the required paraphinalia I just put on my CC!

I rode one of these new Seadoos earlier in the summer and was blown away. Still puts my MLC cost far below a trophy wife! Of course, I also have been looking at the Porsche Cayenne and that would add a lot to the tab!

SD

[SuperDad]

Journaling:
Not much new on the R front.

W is slowly crawling toward some employment. No idea what she thinks of me, if anything. I am trying hard to think positive thoughts about her when we are together, to find something to like about her, but not much there.

I started reading the D. Cunningham ebook on marriage and am avoiding the exercise of writing down what I want in life and in a R and comparing to what W wants and brings to the R. Esp. the part where you have to identify what you are giving up to be together. I already know where that has left me. Nevertheless, I am trying to get through the book in the hope that it will inspire me in some way or another.

I am wanting to take my Sons to visit family for thanksgiving, but am avoiding dealing with the subject with W. Esp., that she needs to pay for her ticket if she wants to go and not join us. Again, more of her being a weight I feel that I have to carry around, one that stands between me and (some of) my goals.

On a positive note, I registered for my first triathlon, a sprint, next weekend. Hoping to post a competitive time, but I am still in need of some improvement in the run area before I can really be a force! Hopefully by next spring I will be there. In my 5k running race last weekend, I was about 1 min. off my mid-term target of 22 min. and right on my target for this race. Just need to be able to do that on the heels of the swim and bike!

Wish me luck!

SD.

[Nomopo]

Good luck!