H and I are supposed to have a conversation about finances tonight. H owes me 2500.00 because he has not been contributing to his half of the household bills. I need to talk to him about this without being confrontational or accusatory. This is going to be a problem because I am so disgusted with him. He has not curbed his spending at all...
Another issue I need to bring up is seeing my 2 D's.(5 and 1) H never calls them and sees them once a week for about 3 waking hours. H is supposed to take them every other weekend but since he left in 12/06, he has only taken them 1 full weekend...if something comes up that is more important he will not keep the kids.
H has filed for D and we go to court on 6/1. Currently my L thinks going to court now for temporary maintenance will not work in my favor because H has lost two jobs and went from upper management in a company to a much less paying position. His salary has dropped by about 50K. My L thinks a judge may order him to pay less than what I need because on paper I look like the breadwinner. (UGH)
I am H's 2nd M so he still has to support my two stepsons...and now he is on to his third family. The OW also has two children....H spends time with (lives with) OW and her kids but has forgotten his own. I think the birth of D1 is what caused this situation...He sort of dismisses her...never asks how she is and if she is sleeping won't even peek in on her.
There is so much I want to say to him, especially how he is ruining me financially. I am sick over it (literally) I can't sleep or eat because I am sick with worry about what my future holds. I am not sure if I am going to be able to keep my house and my D5 starts school in Sept...right now staying in my house is beneficial for her and me regarding daycare and bussing etc...H wants to sell. I keep telling him we will not get much for it because there is not much equity, only bought it two years ago.
Soooo, How do I broach all this without breaking down...I just feel like he is doing such an injustice to us and I am so hurt...I am afraid I will say all of that too.... Advice from anyone is greatly appreciated!!
I am so sorry you are going through this momof2girls. I am so lucky that my H is so cooperative about everything.
Have you thought of using a mediator to help with some of these conversations? Maybe just having another person (mutual friend?)there with you during the conversation would help. I would only address the financial issues at this time and not bring up the issues about the children. I would try to be business-like and show him budget figures about the bill and hard estimates of what you would really get if you sell the house. Have you calculated what child support you would get based on his salary? I have asked my H to pay child support based on a spreadsheet for the state I live in rather than asking him to pay half the bills. If you have two children, isn't it usually 25% of his take home pay in most states?
If he can't handle seeing the children right now, there is not much you can do about it. I would save that conversation for a later time.
I understand about not being able to eat or sleep. (I have dropped 15 lbs and look like a skeleton. I was underweight to start.) My biggest concern right now is trying to function at work.
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
The whole thing is awful! I have all the paperwork ready to show him...Right now the real estate market is not good but we would need an assessment on the house to really crunch numbers...bottom line, not a ton of money to be made.
Our child support is based on a formula and before he lost his two jobs I was entitled to about 400/wk...now who knows...I look like the breadwinner and he gets a credit each week b/c of child support he pays for his sons from his first marriage.
I also need to tell him it is time to take his things out of the house..all he has taken is our big screen tv, golf clubs and my stepsons beds...maybe a handful of clothes...guess we can see where the priorities are...
I want him to realize how financially screwed we are both going to be and how the girls deserve a Dad who will be there...I will hold my tongue...hopefully....not sure how it is going to pan out!
Have you tried zillow.com to get an estimate on the house value? It is pretty accurate for my area.
Do you really need to push him on taking his things out of the house? I would pick your battles and that doesn't seem as important. I wouldn't bring up that issue at all.
Just concentrate on the financial issues tonight.
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
