Ok, So I get served last week as most of you know. The papers were awful..H asking for everything..blah. Our court date is in 2 weeks...WARNING ,this is a long one!
H asked me to keep the kids yesterday b/c he had to work..keep my two and my stepson...said OK. he worked for a little while and neglected to tell me that my other stepson had baseball practice....I did not drop kids off until after 2. Ruined the plans I had to go shopping.
Ask him about the practice and why he lied...he just totally looked at me with NO RESPONSE...
Well, I have about had it so when I called to talk to kids this morning I decided to talk to him... Basically told him the divorce papers were cruel and that having me served without telling me was mean too. H says his L told him not to tell me...I said you know me and your L doesn't and it was very unfair especially in front of the kids!! He said he felt bad...
I then proceeded to tell him about all the rumors I have been squashing...from me having post partem depression to being mentally ill to kicking him out of the house to the lastest...I was the one having an A!!!!!!!!!
I told him he made the choice to get a D and he should be a man enough to tell people the truth...that OW is in the picture. I also told him he left with excuses and that is no way to end a marriage...
Soo my mouth continues and tell him everything that D5 is going through b/c of the situation...does not answer me again...I then tell him that my stepson is glad that H did not say we were getting a divorce...just "probably" How in the h3ll can you do that to your son to offer false hope????
I continued with the $$ situation...he has only given me 300 in the past two weeks...that is the daycare bill for one week!! H said something about getting a bonus check the end of the week and he will give me the whole thing...we will see...
NOW we start about when he is taking kids this week...H had the $^%% nerve to tell me we would wait and see what the weather was like on Thursday before he decides b/c if it is nice he is going to want to have baseball practice!! I did not flip out on him but can you imagine???? HE then proceeds to tell me he can't take them his next weekend b/c he has a wedding to go to with OW.
Someone tell me where he gets off "dating" and whatever else he is doing while he is still married!!! H also admitted we had a good relationship but I changed when the baby was born...BS He also said this is a "want" thing and he doesn't want to.
At that point I ended conversation...I am glad I got things out but he is such a jerk...Oh..funny reason why he picked the most notorious L in our state...H said years ago I said I was much smarter than first wife and if H ever wanted a divorce I would be ten times worse because I learned from her and then some...I beleive this was the same JOKING conversation that H said he would never ever divorce me...he would rather live in misery! So he paid a 6k retainer b/c of something I jokingly said years ago!
I guess it is really over...I am so sad for my family and he doesn't seem to care.
He isn't going to care right now b/c he is in MLC land! He thinks he has done the right thing and that you are the cause of his unhappiness. Please don't believe a word of what he is saying right now. He is caught up in his fantasy world. Once reality sets in and it will, he will regret everything!
Don't feel bad about going off on him! You needed to get it off your chest, don't worry about backsliding-- it happens.
It probably went in one ear and out the other anyway. These MLCer's don't listen to a word we say to them. They are too self-absorbed to care what we think.
I know how hard it is to stay positive. This is something we all struggle with here on this bb. When our H's seem so adament about a divorce and never coming back it is hard to believe otherwise. RIght now you do have to look at your M as over b/c it is. He believes that he doesn't want it anymore, but it is just MLC lingo. Once he wakes up he will feel differently.
This could take years though, it will be up to you whether you want him back or not. If you choose to stand for your M and keep the door ajar for him to return. Love him at a distance. Let all of his nastiness roll off your back and live your life.
Try to keep your chin up and have faith -- let go and let God.
I doubt you did any harm at all telling how bad it felt to be served that way, and you may actually have done some good. I know that the strict DBing is not to share our negative emotions, but DB is just a set of guidelines, not the absolute 100% truth.
What a selfish toot he is being about the kids. Par for the course in MLC, it seems. Sorry though, for their sake. As for you, you can always tell him commit or pass this week, that you need to make plans.
You did fine mom, IMO. He really was an a** having you served that way, and I suspect he knows it.
I have a friend who is newly divorce. She is sticking to the visitation schedule that the county set up. She arranged to go on spring break with me because she did not want to be home alone without her son, as he is scheduled to be with his dad. She informed him of the trip and he got mad/jealous, thinks I am probably the other man. (NO!!!!!!) He proceeded to say, listen B, you know I can not take C for an entire week......... she said that is the schedule. Sorry, you have him. In the end it is the fairest thing, to stick to the schedule. He is now taking him, and I think/hope he is happy about it.
So my advice is to get in writing very quickly a separation agreement with H about visitation. He has to stick to it, and so do you. I would like to see no contact with OW in it,but then I am a dreamer,,, see what you can do.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
I am sorry your H is such an ass, but it is typical MLC stuff. Don't believe much of what he is saying, he is insane right now. He may or may not follow through with the divorce.
Stay calm, cool, and confident. I know it is hard, but you can do this. Remember, H is a child right now, and is afraid and in deep pain. He wants to drag you down in his pit of hell. Focus on your children, talk to them and love them.
Me: 45 H: 43 Married: 19 years Dated 05 years Bomb: 11/06 OW - "I love her, but still want you as my friend"
Thank you for everything you have said. I am just so disgusted by the way H ended this and the lies that surround it! I feel for my children and hope someday he will rise to the occasion to be a good dad.
My life is in such turmoil right now! In my state until we go to court we can't file any kind of temp orders for money. I would think H would want me to be able to pay the bills and buy food for the kids but I guess not...it is more important for him to buy new clothes and wine and dine OW...
It is just so balsy to go out with OW...weddings etc...while he is still married!! I guess when I took my vows I was the only one who took them seriously! H has done this before...does it ever stop?? I really do not want my daughters subject to woman after woman!!
I don't think H is in deep pain at all...he has no responsibilities and is a father when he wants to be...All of this is killing me!
Hi mom, I am just getting caught up with your thread. I am sorry your H is being such a jerk. Sometimes you have to say something to them even though it probably went in one ear and out the other. MLCers are so selfish.
I am sorry he isn't giving you much money. I know how that is. I feel like I have to beg my H for money each time I see him. There is no reason why he can't put the money in the bank for me each week on payday. He wants me to ask. It's all about control with these MLCers.
I don't remember if I asked you this before, but if you don't mind, what happend to his first marriage?
Funny you should ask about the first marriage!! I was told they were unhappy for about 4 years before they seperated. I also found out H had an A before his first wife got pregnant with their second son...I guess H ended it.... In hindsight, I really hope I was not an A. When I met H he was supposedly going through D and living with his mother. We were very casual for a year b/c I wasn't sure I was ready to take on children and an XW when I wa only 25. I remember his D being final and me finally meeting the kids about 1 1/2 years after we started dating. I really think this is the same type of thing H is doing again. This time he is much worse...really flaunting OW and being rotten to me!! The $$ is the worse right now...he has new clothes etc...I am struggling to grocery shop! I should be back in L's office this week to sign my counter claim..UGH...I think H is going to be very surprised that he can have our car...I certainly do not need a 400$ a month car payment!! I did tell H he should be ashamed of himself with everything in papers...he did admit they were very strong. H can't think for himself....this is going to suck!! I have never been inside a courtroom in my life!
I know all of this sucks. You're right he should be ashamed of himself, but he probably isn't (at least not now), maybe someday. Do you know how good or not he was with his first wife financially? It might give you an indication of what you expect, then again it might not mean a bloody thing. I know he's Captain-Insane-o right now, but most of us behave in fairly predictable patterns throughout our lives.
I beleive he was ok with his XW...she stayed in the house until he could not afford it anymore...well over a year after D...H pays child support and half of all my SS's activities. I cover them for health ins and H pays a portion of co-pays.
it seems as if he is out to get me...not sure why but I am very nervous about it. H's XW is very vindicative and caused many problems for him (and me at times) after D...H knows I would never stoop to those levels...maybe that is why he is taking advantage of me!!! H is afraid of her and I would do anything for my family...stepsons included!!
