Hi, March is the month of all birthdays in my family which brings me to this dilemma... D1 had her bday and I invited H to party...he was coming up until 2 days before when all of a sudden he no longer felt comfortable and chose not to come. D5 bday is next week and her party is this Saturday at my parents.. Should I casually mention it to H or let it go?? He doesn't know about the party and part of me thinks if he did find out and wasn't invited he will be mad....the other part of me says if I put him in the uncomfortable position of making a decision he is going to be mad/ Advice?? I feel like all I am doing lately is walking on eggshells when I have to talk to him...I try to have the least amount of contact with him....it kills me but I am doing it!
Let him control this. Let him know. He will resent you for taking the matter out of his hands. Zero expectations. This will surprise him. Tell him about the party. Date time place. Do not ask for confirmation that he is/is not coming. E mail him. Then do not expect him to show up. If he does, make him as welcome as an elderly uncle. Then go have a good time, without hoovering.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
I also think you should tell him. Let him make the choice. If you make it for him he will be mad, but so would you if he had a party for her and didn't tell you. If he shows up treat him as a friend. If he doesn't show, his loss, but you made the effort. He is still D's dad.
Sometimes I'm ashamed to be a man...what kind of father would willingly miss his daughter's birthday party?
Wish her a very Happy Birthday from me! I would walk through Hell to see my kid any day of the year!!
Me - 46 She - 36 Daughter - 10 Married 10 yrs 1st Bomb Date 12/17/06 (Merry Christmas!) D Bomb in January (Happy New Year!) Every other week custody of D10 She has OM who helped her walk away Divorced 07/05/07
a2b, My H is not being a good father right now! I think he feels like it is an obligation to see his kids... It makes me feel so good that there are men out there who can't wait to spend time with their children....it is H who is missing out...you will not let that happen!! This is the first time I have met you so welcome!!
Grace, mrs, shades, goal and Holly, Thank you! I knew that was what you were going to say and that was also my gut feeling! Do you think its ok if I just send an email?
Thank you, nice to meet you! I would do anything for my kid. I don't want her to grow up in a broken home. Always do the right things for your kids, no matter what your H does. Don't ever badmouth him in front of them, and let him know he can see them at all times.
A true MAN will do anything to see his children.
Me - 46 She - 36 Daughter - 10 Married 10 yrs 1st Bomb Date 12/17/06 (Merry Christmas!) D Bomb in January (Happy New Year!) Every other week custody of D10 She has OM who helped her walk away Divorced 07/05/07
I am sorry you even have to deal with this issue, it sucks I know.
((((((HUGS)))))
During my H's MLC he missed every single one of my kid's birthdays, and I have alot of kids.
He missed Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and every other Holiday.
He missed all of the kids school events.
He was gone when my D was in the hospital for over a week.
He was gone for over 6 months at one time and we did not see him at all.
The list goes on.
He is not eligible for the Father of the year award!!!!
The sad thing is that my kids remember all of this stuff and NOW so does he. He has so many regrets. He will never ever get back those 2 years that he lost.
The look on his face when he sees the photos is priceless, he is not in any of them.
My children know that it was me who took care of everything and was there for them when Daddy was off in lala land.
There is no need for me to tell him anything anymore, he knows.
If you think it is bad now, wait until they wake up from the crisis and see the destruction they caused. It is a mind blowing experience.
Be patient, be forgiving, he really knows not what he does.
(((((Faith))))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
