My X and I have been legally seperated for 4 yrs. but not divorced. My X has had a GF for alittle over a year now. I think they live together but X denies it since we had agreed to not live with anyone before M because of our 6 and 8 yr. old children.
Here's the problem: The GF feels "left out" if she isn't with my X 24/7. She wants to be everywhere my X is when he has the kids which is 2-3x/week. She wanted to be at the kids b-day parties, etc.. I obviously have a problem with that. It makes me very uncomfortable to be around her. My X and I have a good rapport but having her around me makes me hate my X and makes it difficult to be nice to him. So where do you draw the line or do you just suck it up? Their not engaged or married.
Nik - While I'm not crazy about people's dates being involved with their kids until and unless it is clear the R is heading towards marriage, I'm afraid you're overreacting a bit.
I do think after 4 years of separation a divorce might be a good idea, if only to teach the kids that one shouldn't date while married. But really, this woman is not the reason your marriage broke up, and although it's stupid of her to get involved with a guy who's not yet divorced, she might be forgiven for thinking 3 years separation was a pretty good sign he was available.
Do you still want him back? If so, letting the kids stay up late and eat lots of candy before they go to visit H and OW might be a plan. A good dose of reality might just bring this R to a close.
Are you really done with him? Then consider that this woman is stirring up all the old feelings of betrayal, etc. - but SHE is not the problem, your H is the problem.
Thanks for your response. I reread what I wrote and I don't think I explained things very well. Yes, I am over my X. You are right it's not her that is the problem. I don't take issue with the GF being with my children. That's been going on for quite some time. I just don't want to see her. Seeing her stirs up feelings of betrayal and rejection and makes me feel awkward when my kids are running b/n the 2 of us. My day to day life is very full and complete. I have moved on and am enjoying life, have hobbies, work, etc....
The straw that broke the camels back just happened the other day when I brought my DD to her soccer game and X didn't realize she had a game and was on his way over to pick up the kids because it was his night to have them. Instead of him just going to the 1hr. game he talked to the GF and decided to turn around and drive back to his place to pick up the GF so she could come to the game. Which made them late to the game also. God forbid the X sees the kids for 1 hr. without her. The X has told me before how "it causes problems when one person feels left out....." He told me this a few months ago when the GF wanted to come to my DS b-day party. My X inlaws and SIL were going to be there too, along with parents of kids I did not know. So I did put my foot down on that one.
Isn't it a bit insecure on her part to feel the need to be with him 24/7? I just wish the X would put the kids 1st. As I'm writing this I realize I have some unresolved issues that I thought I was way past. It's amazing how certain things trigger strong emotions that you thought were long gone.
I have been divorced for 7 years now - X still lives with the gal out of state so I don't have to see her as often as you are faced with. When I do I hate it because like you it does stir up those old feelings of anger and emotion that we felt on the onset.
Unfortunately, it is something we have to learn to live with. We have to find a way where it doesn't bother us. I have learned to remind myself that the most important thing is that she is good with the kids and my kids are okay with her.
Thanks for your post. Yes, the GF is good to my kids and I am thankful for that. It could be worse. Isn't it a bit shocking how those old horrible feelings get stirred up again?
I found out today that someone who was pretty close to my X died 2 days ago. My X hadn't talked to him in about a year but we've both known this guy for about 10 yrs. He was 62 and died suddenly. A few years ago my father died the same way and was also 62. It really puts things in perspective. I need to let go of these petty things even though I still feel the same way about not wanting to see the GF. I need to work on controlling my anger better. Nik
Ooo, Ellie. You're good!