Hello- I’m not sure how many will remember me but I wanted to provide an update. (I will apologize up front for what appears to be some issues with my cutting and pasting from WORD. I do not have time to go through and correct.)
It has been a year since my youngest son was born and my husband put his wedding ring back on. We’ve had a lot of growth over the past year- literally! S1 is busy walking and getting into everything. He is such a dear! S5 tries to be a good big brother but is still jealous which equates into acting up and being a bit rough. We feel like a good little family.
H seems to be much better. He really stepped up when I was on maternity leave last year. It was almost like since he had a reason to take care of S5, he felt included. There were definitely some rough communication times early on and still some here and there. We both still need to work on our styles- conflict avoidance is both our styles. I think I might have posted some last Fall. I had some suspicious times in November and even December. It seems like the Fall/Holiday times are when he either has a tough time or OW tries to reach out. But overall, we survived and had a great Christmas.
S5 is signed up for Little League T-ball this year and H has volunteered to be an assistant coach. He’s also taking S5 to swimming lessons. We’re putting in a really nice basketball hoop and extending our driveway so they can play at our house. We’re working on some home improvements and making plans for future items. We have a shore rental for the summer and we’ve even tentatively planned to join my parents in Florida next February.
H’s family has been a pain recently but it isn’t related to us. The other day I sent him an email that said- no matter how much crap they give you, I still love you and am keeping you. He replied, thanks, cause I’m staying.
We talk several times a day or send emails back and forth. He tells me he loves me (more in email but it’s a start) and I return or initiate it frequently. We took two days off together last month. It was so nice to have time to lounge, eat out and go to a movie. It felt like the old days before kiddos!
So, my challenge is to get past this and not let my memories get the best of me. Dates are definitely getting fuzzy but I still have a knee-jerk reaction when he tells me that he has to work late. Usually he calls me during that time though so it really helps. I don’t look for the OW car in the lot anymore and try to figure out what she is up to. Thankfully I don’t run into her that much. That’s not to say that the sound of her voice over the company intercom doesn’t make me nauseous!
When H and I do have some differing opinions or I think that he is overreacting, acting weird, etc. I find myself wondering, is it MLC symptom or just normal marriage trials? Most times just normal marriage stuff that I wouldn’t overanalyze if there hadn’t been an MLC or PA. Oh, H still has his porn proclivity but I’m beginning to think that is a man-thing.
H has said several times that he would gladly move to another state and start over. He doesn’t link that to the past, just says it straight out. I’d be perfectly happy to do so as well but he doesn’t think he’d be able to get a job making as much money. We haven’t seriously looked into that at all but it makes me feel good to know that he would move away from her.
We have also started going to church again. We are going in slow and mainly to have the kids know something about church, Jesus, etc. at this point. And to get to know new people. Probably not all the right reasons but that’s where we are for now.
So, it seems that all is much better on the home-front. I’m definitely happy 95% of the time and I didn’t know I’d ever be back there.
I hope this is helpful to some who are struggling through this awful MLC situation.
Congratulations to you and your family. Life is a process guided by choices. I am beginning to understand the world thinks me rather than oddball because of my feelings about the havoc a divorce creates for many more than just the couple. In the long run I think you and your husband will look back and be happy you have chosen each other and your family.
Good "choices" to you in the future. I always enjoy reading positive outcomes and thank you for sharing.
I have been thinking about you. I am so glad you updated. You are doing so very well. I am so happy for you. I would imagine that it will still take time for everything to be back to normal. It will slowly get to that point. Just one day at a time.
I'm so happy you came by to give everyone an update. Your journey has a been a very long and difficult one, but look at you and your family! My goodness! The little one is growing up so quickly.
What's, your posting will help others along the way. It's will give them the courage and strength to continue to move forward. What a new year for you!
I'm so proud of you! I have to tell Sting that you posted! Do come back when you get a chance or if you'd rather post off line, you know where you can find me.
Happy spring to you and your family!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
what's! I'm so glad you've posted and with such wonderful news! You sound like you're in a really good spot and I'm proud of you not looking out for ow's car as you did in the past. You sound alot more comfortable. I'm so happy your h has eased your mind also when he works late by giving you a call here and there.
Your boys are growing so fast and I'm glad your h is your oldest son's bb assistant, and they enjoy the b-ball in the driveway. It sounds like they're good buds!
