I hope today is a little better for you. I think your getting good advice about your mom. Talk to her and let her know what you want. Of course, this means you need to be clear about that in your own head. I don't mean the superficial "I want him back" stuff. As hard as it is, you really need to discover what kind of life you want for yourself and how you plan on getting there. One upside of doing this (besides the obvious), is it takes alot of energy, so you have less to focus on him.
Then talk to your mom and see what you need to do there.
mom, your mom sounds like mine. She think that my H has gone too far and she is so cynical of him that it does make you think there is no turning back so don't tell her every little detail with your interactions and him. She is trying to protect you and she doesn't want to see you hurt but you can set boundaries with her too. I've had to with mine.
Keep your chin up.
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
Your sitch sounds a lot like mine! I came yesterday from a weekend at my parents house to find out my H was in our house also. He took some workout equipment, our old kitchen table and a set of shelves in the garage.
I wish I could change the locks in my house but I have to wait until papers are signed, even if they a LS papers. My H filed for D and I just recently counter-claimed his grounds to my own. I am expecting him to hear from his L this week regarding that. My H is also one to be short coming on money for me.
I can also always tell when my H is with the ow because he is mean to me on the phone. When ow is not around he is more pleasant.
IT IS GETTING WORSE!! H changed the credit card number and has racked up a 3600.00 bill!! There was a zero balance!! H paid for his lawyer on it!! I realized we hadn't rec'd a statement in awhile and called and found out what happened! Does anyone know if I am going to be held responsible for this debt?? I have done nothing, absolutely nothing to play games!! I can't believe he is doing this!! Do I confront him? I left message for my L to call me asap!! Also told me he was not taking the kids tomorrow night b/c he has a work meeting....he lied again...H has baseball tryouts...I can't believe he is soooooo deceitful and spiteful!!!!
Very sorry to hear what he is doing. Don't know about the state you are in, but I expect it is no different than my own.
In my state, ANY debt created by either of you while M, is halfseeeees. Can't get away from it, until in some states you file a legal sep. from debt, etc.
No sep in my state ... but we sure do have fast track to D.
All too often the WAS feels no remorse about spending what they consider 50/50 resources or debt on a D that they believe you should share the cost of. Your L should be able to answer in detail, as well as how to get some control over this.
He does not intend to lie, he just can't stand feeling forced to be honest. He sees them as two different issues. Guilt about being a selfish self centered MLC "wannabe young"ster prevents them from honestly answering anything requiring an uncomfortable answer. They lie rather than explain themselves. This is their time .... all about me world ... not going to answer to anyone.
But ... it is not intended to hurt you ... just to rebel the same way a two year old would.
No mom ... I don't want to be good ... I want to be sneaky and bad!!!!!
I am waiting to hear from my L...I hope I am not going to be held responsible for his credit charges...I printed out all the transactions and many I can prove had to do with him. Our acct had a 0 balance when he left...My L has recorded date of him leaving. I can't believe he changed the acct number I find that very sneaky! H also has a shark of a L firm representing him...Hopefully it won't matter b/c I have done nothing wrong!!! I still have done everything right! I was told not to change or remove his name from anything and I haven't...he goes and does it and is having a A...hopefully this will all make a difference and be in my favor. I am so scared right now...losing my house, being in financial debt that I did not accrue. H is a spender!! thinks nothing of throwing it on a card. The card he is using has a huge line of credit!! H can have it...just get my name off~~~ He has to do it and I don't want to say anything until I contact L...get his advice. My insides are shaking unbelieveably today!!
I am so sorry. You are going through the financial mess I have been so afraid of. Please let us know everything your L says. I hope everything works out ok for you!
Do you have family that can help you out if you need it?
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
I did hear from L and he calmed me WAY DOWN...he told me I will not be responsible for the debt H is accruing right now...He said he would make sure we fight for the house for the sake of the kids and he will push for a 60/40 split of debt b/c of A. Basically he said we will start with the moon and negotiate from there. L also said not to worry about H's L being a shark..no big deal...As of today my H hasn't filed, or at least the paperwork isn't processed yet...My L is going to check all week and as soon as they are filed he will contact H's L and have the papers served to him (my L) He said I don't need the emotional crap of being served with my children around...VERY NICE I thought! I just can't believe this is all happening!
I have a wonderful family support system...I think I am wearing my mom and dad out...they come over almost daily to help me take care of the kids! I also have wonderful friends..and of course all of you are so supportive!! It really helps to talk to people who are living this!! I have no D's among my friends or family!!
