Now Surviving Separation

[Heartbroken]

Thanks Theo!

You always keep me grounded and I DO KNOW that there is a lot of work still out there to do. H drives the timeline and I have accepted this.

I saw Ow today and I DID NOT FREAK - I stared her down and all she did was look straight ahead - she would not even look at me as I drove up the side of her car. At least she does not have the guts to look at me... I just called my best friend told her and will not even mention this to the H. Let the Ow complain she saw me, right!

I slept great last night (still missed him though) and worked out this morning. Actually weight is down to 115 due to lack of an appetite - but even that is coming back too. I just like how positive I feel AFTER a workout! I feel better than I have in weeks and when I get down about missing him I just shift gears and focus on something else!

Thanks for your support (hey, just like Bartyl and James wine coolers....showin' my age)!

[mcojh]

HB- I assume it is a typo that you: "drove up the side of her car....I hate to think you are out running people over....

[lovelyolive]

...although very tempting, I'm sure!...

[Heartbroken]

HA - Freudian slip big time! I drove up ALONG SIDE of her car in the school driveway - she was leaving and I was just arriving!
Too bad it wasn't into her ooops did I say that....

[stubborn]

as a fellow memeber of the "I get to see the OW in the school parking lot" club I salute you!!! Ain't it grand?!?!?!?!
No one would blame you if you did. In fact I would salute you and buy you some of those Ben Hur wheels with the knives on the side. Can you come by MY kids school too?

[Heartbroken]

Yeah who would have thought "my friend" could have gone this path too. The problem is she was listening to me cry about my unhappy H - stating "well if he's done w/you he's done with you time to let go" and at the same time telling H to get out of our bed and move down to the guest room. She is EVIL no matter what some posting said about the OP being evil (in my sitch she is EVIL). She is scramblin' now PRESSURING H to file. Nice way to start a R where she has to get a man to "committ" through pressure - I am sure it will last LOL!

Thanks for your input! Now the gossip train is traveling thru the school - former teacher of my two kids called and said she heard we were getting a D and I said not if I have anything to do with it. I can out wait the dimwit Ow - I have everything to lose-- my 18 yrs with the man vs her 8 mos of a fantasy life... hmmmm tuff choice!

[lovelyolive]

Oh.. for sure OW is evil! Well, even if not actually evil, she IS full of sin. They lured our H into their beds and they were married, too. Their story is written in the Bible! Their R with married men will never be blessed.

I'm sure your "friend" has said something stupid like "I don't want Heartbroken to hate me". You are awesome. She is pathetic.

[rabsnider]

My H OW is pressuring him to get me to file. My lawyer is a friend of the family, so it wont cost me much. I did file, put it on hold and last Oct started again. He got served in Nov. and told me to put everything on hold. Then the next day went off on me for it saying I wanted maintenance. Well anyway, 3 weeks ago I called and told him I didnt have it in my heart to get the D. He said to do what I had to do and put it on hold. But hurry and call the attorny so we wont have to go to court. I put it on hold again, but didnt tell him for sure. Well I found out that the OW knows. I asked him and he said he did tell her becuz she kept asking him. I am keeping it on hold and if he wants it he will have to get it himself. Let her pressure him. Funny thing is she is not D'ed either. They atarted and never went to the last court date. It got dismissed by the judge. Idiots!!!
Sorry for posting on your thread!
rabsnider

[Heartbroken]

No need to apologize - this is all relevant. The Ow in our sitch filed immediately and is now divorced. It's in her papers that she cannot have their two boys around any 'boyfriends' no sleepovers. I would do the same in my D ----so how do my H and Ow think they will have any time together? And will our respective 13 yr olds want anything to do with them when they find out? They are idiots - not a brain cell between them...

[Heartbroken]

Well this was my night - some journalin' to do and some help needed.

H had dinner for the family tonight at his apt. Today I left a voice mail saying I wanted to talk about last night. He left me an email stating the things he was saying last night (the he was going to fix this and blah blah blah...he got real emotional again...) were real and genuine and that he was being honest with me. The thing is I new the Ow was coming over to the apt 1) her ex has the boys on Wed eve 2) her ex left me a voice mail asking how I was doing and to call if I needed to talk - when I explicitly asked him not to call/email only 2 weeks ago (to stay out of the drama). So I knew last night they were together which is what this apt is all about so he can really see her and what she is...

So today I wanted to ask him if all the getting choked up was an act and why??? Well we had a HUGE talk tonight! And I know I need to slow it down but basically he said he finally realized he does not want to file for D!!!! H misses me, the games we play (teasing and inside jokes from 20 yrs together) the kids, the house, basically the whole package. He just wants some time to clean out the shit of a mess he has created and I do not think he is playing me. We laid together on his 'twin' bed and he just held me the first time in a long time where he did it for him and NOT for me!!! This is HUGE!!!!!

H said he may want some time alone too after he lets her go and I thought that would be go for him. I said we are far from being fixed and that we will need to go to counseling together and he should probably see someone on his own. He's not sure of why he would be going just yet - to get over her or to fix us...Had a hard time answering this one.

In the end he said he said to much to soon and I felt I did too - I do not want to scare him off with the force of my emotions!!!!

I am scared shitless right now because I am opening my heart more fully and I don't want to get burned again. He said we need to be friends first and to continue to take baby steps and to stay in the PM. He has read the DB book too (last summer).

How do I proceed from here? It seems some of the pressure is off but yet I know I need to DB even mores so than ever. I need to slow it WAY down and what else? Please my friends help me get this right - I have come so far and it scares me he's only been out of the house not even two weeks...

I need your advice more than ever! I will be back on Friday 8 AM - at least I know I will sleep tonight! Thanks for all your help!!

HB - it may be on the mend?????