Hi everyone, I follow around here a bit, used to post on the MLC forum and I'm here now. Divorce has been final for about a year, almost 5 since he left me for the the much younger woman with shady foreign credentials.
In general all is well, there is new guy and a serious relationship there. What happened yesterday was minor but still... I am getting new furniture in the guest bedroom. Replacing the furniture that is as old or older than my marriage. In the old desk I had put away over the years all of the old valentine, anniversary, and birthday cards from him. Right through the end as it was so sudden and unforseen and unimaginable. There they were! Signed your adoring husband. We will be together forever. All that. Geez, I thought, wtf happened? I'm ok, had a little teary eyed disposal, and they are gone. But YUK.
Now I could use some advice. I was lucky enough to be able to stay in my home. All the utilities are in his name and other things also. We have no contact, have not since one sighting at a close relative's funeral last winter where he did not even recognize me and before that well a very long time, when he wanted to let me know that he was going to have a baby with the shady OW before we were divorced. Sorry to be reliving this with you all but it explains why I desire no contact. We have no kids so that's different from most of you maybe, no reason to talk.
How do I get the phone number for example changed to my name? Or the electric bill? Not one company will let me change or cancel and start something new without his approval. It is frustrating, if I have to bite the bullet and ask him to write letters he will probably say yes and then do nothing. I do not want to engage the lawyers again... and I'm tired of seeing his name on the bills that I pay.
Well I'm not sure if anyone else can give you different advice but from my experience - you're probably stuck. You NEED to get him to sign off. You would think he would WANT to. If you didn't pay the bill - he would get a bad credit rating. I had to do this in the first year or so - long before we actually divorced. And remember - even though my ex did marry OW - he did not want the D - I was the one who got it.
So, I think you should contact him. I would do it by registered mail because you may need this record to show a L if you need to use one for this down the road. I think it helped me move forward when I cut those last ties and I expect it will help you as well.
As for the cards - hmmm... I know how it feels. Recently I found my 25th Anniversary card from Ex telling about how he hopes the next 25 are as good as the first and signed LOVE ALWAYS!!! He was already in the affair and left me ONE MONTH LATER!!!! Go figure. I know how you feel.
Well, besides all that - you are doing great. You have moved forward, taken some risks and managing just fine. Who'd have ever thought, right???? Only one who's been through all that can understand. You are a brave woman.
Come join my Red Hot Mama's Club now forming on my thread. You'll be perfect!!!
About those bills... Have you provided them with a copy of your divorce decree and settlement indicating that you are the owner of the house and he no longer lives there? Despite this are they still refusing?
If so then maybe they are requiring him to close the accounts so they can open one in your name, and they won't do it without his say so. Actually your ex is being stupid because he's liable for these bills as they are in his name, not yours. If you don't pay it they'd go after him for non-payment, not you and it would be on his credit report. (He would then have to ask you to reinburse him)
Start by being nice and asking your ex to close the account so you may open it in your name and cc the utilites and your lawyer this request. (Send this via certified letter, return receipt requested.) Explain in your letter that in 30 days you will be filling out a change of address form so that ALL mail in his name will be going to him and this will include all bills if they are still in his name. Give him 30 days to do so. He may surprise you and do it on his own, especially if he realizes that he's opening himself up to be liable for them.
If your ex isn't cooperative, play hardball, inform your lawyer that you will not open any more correspondence his name on it and are having everything with his name forwarded to him by the post office, including bills that still happen to be in his name. So if he doesn't want to pay them or worry about defaulting on these bills that are in his name, he'd better take care of closing the accounts pronto.
I can totally sympathize with your situation. I have been divorced now for 6 years and my name was changed at that time. I kid you not, it took 5 1/2 years for the cable company to change the name on the bill from my married name back to my maiden name. Over the years I had talked to numerous people and I sent them 3 copies of my divorce decree with a name change. Nothing. One day when my cable was inadvertently cut by the lawn guy last year, they asked for my name and I told them what it was and told them they had it wrong in their records for 5 1/2 years and hadn't changed it. I got a reasonable person on the phone who just went ahead and did it.
At this point in his life, I would think your ex would want to get these debts out of his name. A simple tranfer, with him signing it over to you should do. I know you don't want to contact him, but that may be the best way to go. When my ex left our home, he signed everything over to me, and then I signed it back to him before I left. That way, with a basic transfer, nobody had to make utility deposits, or re-fill paperwork, etc. It was much easier, much cleaner. We did have to have the signatures notarized though.
But first, if I were you, I'd call the utilities and explain the sit and ask them what their procedures are for getting them transferred over to you.
As LW mentioned, the ownership (aka title) of the house will be given mentioned in the Divorce Decree... additionally, at least here in Texas there was a separate piece of paper that I was given signed by both exH and I. Warranty of Trust Deed... that signed the house over to me. I took that paperwork when I went to refinance the house into my name only and removed his name off the title. This paperwork I was told would work in having exHs name removed off anything having to do with the house. However, in my sitch, everything regarding utilities was already in my name.
Simply call the Utility companies and ask them how you need to supply them with the necessary information. Explain that you are divorced. Hopefully they will not require you to have deposits on all the accounts, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
Wonder, I was in the same situation as you a couple years ago. My X would not do what it took to get the utilities changed either. The post office said that "he" had to do the address change for himself. I couldn't do it for him.
I suggest you give him 30 days to call the utility companies. Tell him that after that you "will not" pay the bills until they are in your name. If he doesn't make the change within 30 days, forward the bills to his address. Period. If he doesn't do it, it's not your problem.
I was so happy when I saw that you had started a thread!
You know it's funny. I bet most of us have those cards and could probably tell each other what their cards said. This does follow a pattern after all. I too still have mine probably just to remind myself that I'm not the one who is insane here. Soon I hope to feel free enough to pitch them as well.
I know that here in Illinois the account owner has to sign everything over. It can not just be changed, not even with a Divorce Decree in hand. The trouble with forwarding on the bills and not paying them is that if he really doesn't give a RATS A$$ about changing the accounts then you will be the one to suffer through the disconnection. SCREWED AGAIN!
I think that for me, I would try e-mailing before I sent the registered letter. To me it's more personal and can't be interpretted as confrontational (they hate anything that resembles an ultimatum). If then you received no response I would go the more legal route with copies to everyone and there mother if necessary. Then again, you are the only one who knows his past behavior well enough to know how he will react.
If they do get disconnected because he doesn't pay them, then you'll be able to have them reconnected in your name. Problem solved. None of this will reflect badly upon you as they're in "his" name.
Thank you all for the good advice. I will try once more with each company to see if they will take the divorce decree and the property title as evidence that he's no longer here and see if that works for any of them.
Then I will email him at his work and provide him the list of contacts, telephone numbers, everything, exact instructions as to what in required, and see if he does anything about it. Maybe he will. But I would be surprised. He dragged his feet so much on the paperwork for the divorce proceedings (that he filed after I suspect using marriage as an excuse for the shady OW's visa btw)that it took 17 months when it could have taken 6. He doesn't get back on these things at all.
I guess this is something I missed in the divorce paperwork, had no idea it would be so difficult.
One utility company literally told me just do not pay the bill. But I'm not that way. I may have to suck it up and ask him to take care of this. He still might ignore me because he knows it does not matter, I would always pay the bills. Would have to ask his sister for his new address.
What I'm hearing is no easy answer, you all have dealt with it when you did not want to and I will also.
As for the Red HOT society from Barb's thread, I'm in, just do not ask me to wear a red hat or a red dress. I am very private and prefer the BLACK dress, the red undies, and of course the red wine. And not the $12 a glass swill they are serving up these days. I deserve the $15 one. Thanks again so much. Wonder
Just butting in cuz I can, hehe,heh. Just to be polite, let him know what needs to be done, why its a good idea for his sake, and if he doesnt comply......let em hang.
Be nice, be fair, and then leave the ball in his court..... for awhile. Let him reap what he wants to sow.
Yup. There is nothing like the kick I get from looking at the cards and letters from my "forever wife". I guess forever has a much shorter lifespan then I thought,LOL!
Hello All!
Down but not dead. Brother Murphy's Irish Stoudt Keeper of the flame. Cleaner of the convent And all round nice guy
