hey all. first time here. I need help. My wife of 10 years and my High School sweat heart has just filed for divorce and I cant blame her. When we were going out everything was perfect. We got married and had 3 healthy kids. Everything was going fine until....I started bieng an [censored]. Now everything Im about to tell you is MY fault I blame nobody but myself. My wife goes out of her way to make sure me and the kids were WELL taken care of. I hardly ever said thank you. I never told my wife how beautiful she is. I told her I didnt like make up ( truth be told i am kinda jealous but was hiding it). Before we were married I messed around on her and she found out. We made it work though. 8 years later stupid me did it again. And she found out. Now before I go on I must say that I like to talk [censored] to women. Im not a hater dont get me wrong but I would make comments I thought were funny and everyone laughed with, even my wife. On the INSIDE. I didnt know. She was actually embarrassed of me and couldnt stand it.I drank ALOT. She even put me in jail once for hitting her which I have never done again. Last weekend we had a party. Everyone was drunk. EVEN ME! Well all that [censored] talking came out as usual but somehow it went to far. Me and her best friend were upstairs and she walked in. Now at that point nothing happened. That night I was so mad, and I dont know why, I left and went to her friends house. Still nothing happened, but I still went anyways. I had the chance to explain myself the next day but laid in bed recovering instead of doing what I shoukd have done. PROFUSELY APOLOGIZING. At this point she started packing my things and kicked me out. I was still drunk when I left because I didnt care. When I drink I care about nothing. When I sobered up and started thinking about what I did i realized that I really [censored] up. My chances were over. I got served divorce papers today, but still know we can work through this. I am in AA, and going to counseling. Now its only been less than a week and I know its gonna take alot of time to work through this. My question to you is, " how do I fix this? What would the husband/wife in this situation do? I love my wife with all my heart and dont want to hurt her, but I am scared and i know she is to even though she dont admit it. I want to be with her forever and dont wanna a divorce. Can anyone help me?
You've dug yourself a pretty deep hole. Stop digging. Go to AA and do whatever you have to and convince her that you are the man she needs you to be. No booze is a pretty darn good start. If you blame your behaviour on booze than getting rid of it will be a pretty strong demonstration. Treat her with the utmost respect and validate her feelings. She deserves it. Good luck.
I agree. It seems the booze is part of the problem.
If you do X and it results in Y then stop doing X.
If nothing else it will show your wife that you are serious. Your hope now is to try to work at your marriage like you never have before.
You need a life change. Cutting back on the booze could be part of it. Worst case scenario you will not turn out to be a drunk. Best case you stay in your marriage and are a better person.
You've made the first step. The key thing you need to ask yourself right now is not how to get your W back, but what kind of person to become. Do not tell your W that you are going to change ... you have to show her.
I would suggest that you read: Winning Your Wife Back Before It's Too Late by Gary Smalley. The book is written from a Christian perspective, and I don't know what faith, if any, you have; but I feel sure that you'll get a lot out of it. You can get it from most large bookstores or used on Amazon for $3.89, so don't wait.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Quote: The key thing you need to ask yourself right now is not how to get your W back, but what kind of person to become.
Exactly. Do you like you? Do you want to continue to be the person she has been married too? You need to decide who you want to be, decide what it is you think is destructive about yourself in this relationship or any other that might come along and then start working on yourself to change. Maybe it is to late for this one, maybe not, but either way, making these changes can only make you a better person down the road, a better person that if this doesn't work out, maybe it has a chance with someone else. You've taken the first step by admitting you have problems, no one here will judge you, we all have issues, just roll your sleeves up and get to work.
The folks here will do whatever they can to help.
Learn to laugh at it. People are people and everyone is human. Choose how you will act and don't re-act.
