Well SD13 got and read letter last night. My W said she didn't say a whole lot about it. She told her mom she couldn't read it because 'it was kinda personal'. Although my W knows exactly what it says. In a nutshell, my W told me she didn't really know what to think of it, and for the most part her problem with me is 'I was just a butt' lol. Well, OK, I don't know any adult that at some time wasn't a butt to their child(from the childs persepctive). Anyway, she told me she laughed a little at one part, i'm assuming the part where I said I sucked at homework, but she also said she was a little teary eyed too.
She said she would give her a day or two to ponder on it and then ask her what she is going to say to me. my W told me she told her that she would have to say something back to me. Oh yea, she also told me she said, that there where a lot of things she 'wanted' to say to me a while back, but now it just didn't seem to matter anymore.
So, I don't really know. Guess i'll just have to wait some more and see what happens. I asked my W if she has even told her we are working to get back together, and she said no, not yet. I believe my W is very uncomfortable discussing it with her and I think this is a NO NO. She'll do what she'll do though, right?
We also talked a little bit about us and I expressed my feelings from earlier in the day. How I felt things were all hot and heavy and then this week things seem to be returning to the same old stall for time attitude. She says she just wants to take her time with this and do it right, which I agree completely, it's just after all the deception from the prior months, more talk about time with very little progress leaves me feeling insecure and suspicious. I feel a lot better today, more patient. She said she would like to spend time together this weekend, if that pans out, i would feel a lot better. I just need to see some concrete commitment to this process I guess before I can relax and really be my new self.
Trying to take my own advice about what I would say to someone else, I need to just refocus back on myself, what I can control and do my own thing. If she wants to just tread water and not spend time with me, I'll continue my G.A.L and find something else to do. It really seems to me though, the biggest thing standing between my W and I spending a lot of time together is the issues with SD13. So, I really feel if she really wants to get back together, she needs to tell her that's her plan, no bones about it! That's part of being a parent. If she can't discuss serious things with her own child, how is she ever going to discuss serious things with me!?
Learn to laugh at it. People are people and everyone is human. Choose how you will act and don't re-act.
Spent all Sunday afternoon with W AND SD13. SS19 also ate lunch with us, so that was a plus too!(He doesn't have as many issues with me though).
Anyway, I thought the day went very well. SD13 talked a lot to me, she seems to really be letting me in. We didn't 'discuss' anything between us, but I could tell she was really giving me a chance. We ended up at the mall just looking through stores, at clothes and such. She found some insense stuff at one store and really liked it so I bought her some . No, I am not trying to buy her love, but I will sure as heck do what I can to get the ball rolling. Besides, I always liked buying her little stuff, i'm a sucker for that anyway. We had ice cream, we tried on clothes, we played in the mall. IT WAS AWESOME! I actually stayed around SD13 more than W for the most part, but not intensially. It's just she would keep calling me over to look at something. All I can say is I loved it!!!! I think she is letting me back in and giving me a chance.
W would take my hand and hold it as we walked through the mall. She was in a good mood, but I could tell there was some distance in her. That's ok, there was some in me too. We talked a little once we got back to her place.
It is very frustrating for me, she really hasn't solved any of her anger issues with me. Her issues being that she just can't get over the fact that she had to leave for me to change into the person I am. She loves the person I am now, Loves the changes, knows I can love her now without holding back, but is pissed off she had to do everything and leave to get me here AND is still scared it will return.
I guess I 'understand' but at the same time I am extremely frustrated. I feel like we are just wasting good R time now. She just keeps saying she has to get over it. She thinks 'time' will do this. I don't know, it's just in the 'meantime' we don't spend much 'time' together and I think that is the only thing that will help. I am so sick of 'TIME'!
We talked on the phone before we went to bed last night and agreed that going over the same feelings over and over are just making it harder to move forward, so we're just gonna let those issues lay. They are not 'solvable' issues. Sorry's have been said, forgivness has been given. I guess all we can do is work on putting it behind us.
Just bothers me that I have to 'get over' her affair, I have put it behind me, I don't let it affect us or us seeing each other, touching her or anything, and she can't get over what she is trying to get over. I just feel like I am in a relationship with a 16 YO or something. She is almost 40! whats the deal with that!?
Learn to laugh at it. People are people and everyone is human. Choose how you will act and don't re-act.
I believe at some point that may not be a dead issue for you two(the A). I think somewhere down the line, you guys may get to deal with that issue together if it keeps working the way it sounds, so let it lie quietly for a moment. You may find you dont want to go down that tunnel after all, right?
By the way, spending a good part of the day together having fun IS valuable R time. Take it from someone who isnt getting that. Find that happy place where you look from a beginner's mind, remember... Like dating all over again. Take the day well spent for what it is,,, a day well spent.
Brother, To quote you from August 3... "I know it's hard brother, but for yourself, try to find a way to put the OP, A, or whatever it is out of your mind. Keep focusing on yourself..."
Yea, it's not the A that bothers me. Honestly, I can fairly easily put that behind me, my point was that if I can put that behind us, as big of a deal as that should be to her, why can't she put things behind her? We have BOTH done things to hurt each other, why is it the things she has done seem to be so small to her compared to the things I have done?
I do agree with you that we just need to reset, do the dating thing and start over. I think that is what she is trying to do. But from my perspective, if we were 'dating' like we did in the beginning, we would be dating more than 4-5 hours a week.
Yea, I am impatient. Not to get the relationship back to where I think it should be, my impatience is in determining if she is really sincere. It seems she is from what I can tell, but I have been lied to and manipulated so much in the last 4.5 months that I am having trouble chilling out and letting things run their coarse. I'm starting to feel more comfortable though, i'm just going to have to give this part time.
Learn to laugh at it. People are people and everyone is human. Choose how you will act and don't re-act.
The weirdest thing happened today. BTW, I'm not going to even go into my sit today because a bunch of stuff hit the fan monday night and I don't even wanna think about that right now.
Anyway, back to the weird thing. I always take walks around my neighborhood when i get home from work everyday. Keeps me fit and always helps my mood . Anyway, I'm walking through the neighborhood and I came across this very attractive woman trying to cut her yard and she was having trouble with her lawn mower. I kept watching has I walked closer and I could tell she was getting very frustrated. The first thing that popped in my mind was, what in the heck is a girl like that doing trying to cut her grass. Not trying to be a male pig or anything, but she just didn't look like the type. Anyway, when I got up to her house, I asked her what was wrong, and if I could help. At first she seemed a little reluctant but said, sure I guess, I can't get it to start.
So, to make a long story short, I started looking the mower over and found that the spark plug wire had popped off. In a few seconds I had it back up and running. She thanked me with a great big ole smile. Made me feel good. I asked her if she didn't mind, why was she having to cut her grass anyway? Well that let to about an hour long conversation about our spouses, mostly hers because he had baled on her for some OW, so I just listened.
The reason all this is so weird is because, in all the times I have walked this neighborhood I have never seen this woman and under different circumstances, from what I can tell from an hour long convo and her looks, she is exactly my type. It's just weird this person would come out of nowhere with all the stuff happening in my life, and no less, within walking distance of my house. On top of that I could tell she was intersted in me. I started to offer to finish cutting her grass, but I thought that might not be appropriate, so I didn't offer.
Just weird and I had to throw it in here. Who knows!
Learn to laugh at it. People are people and everyone is human. Choose how you will act and don't re-act.
. No, I am not trying to buy her love, but I will sure as heck do what I can to get the ball rolling. Besides, I always liked buying her little stuff, i'm a sucker for that anyway. We had ice cream, we tried on clothes, we played in the mall. IT WAS AWESOME! I actually stayed around SD13 more than W for the most part, but not intensially. It's just she would keep calling me over to look at something. All I can say is I loved it!!!! I think she is letting me back in and giving me a chance.