Isn't it a lovely day for a W-A-L-K? (Faith 53)

[HappyToday]

Mal,

I feel alone sometimes too. I sometimes think its because of the D - that it did something to me that keeps things inside sometimes.

I would have hated to be in your shoes yesterday with the employee. Even if you know it's coming, that doesn't make it easier.

And I hope you stopped at 2 and did not take Queenie's advice.

[MAL]

No I didn't take queenie's advice. I didn't even drink a beer that night. I just went home, talked to a friend, talked to Dave, cried a little more, and then I fell asleep. I slept good, thankfully. Then I went into action/survival mode on Friday, because we had a payroll to get processed - regardless of the week's events.

I think what bothered me most was that I would never really know what happened, and I would have to live with that the rest of my life. It really really got to me. But like all things, time will heal.

Yes, I think the alone part came from being D'd too. I realized that, but I didn't understand why. Maybe because we don't have that person to lean on like we used to have? I find that happens often in my life now. I hope it isn't always like that. I'm too bubbly of a person to carry around that kind of sadness all my life. I don't want to always be defined by being D'd, if that makes sense.

[MAL]

Nik,

Sorry, I’m a little slow in responding to this post. I've had a lot on my plate, but here you go. I’m probably going to ruin my Saint Mal reputation. LOL.

You sound great! I hope everything works out for you and the new man!! Why is he D?

Everyone cover your ears for a minute......

Dave is a WAS.

I joked him about it and said OHHHH!!!!!!!!!! On the bb the WAS is like "the enemy" - we got a laugh out of it.

Can you believe I'm dating a WAS? I never thought those 3 letters and me would ever be associated together. What is the world coming to?

But if I were him I would have left too. It was an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive situation. He tried to make it work, and even tried counseling, but she just wouldn't budge. I think she may be bi-polar because she is very scary. Just the other day she came to his place and started screaming at him. He had to ask her to leave, which she refused to do.

He didn't want to marry her, because he figured out early on that something wasn't quite right about her, but she got pregnant, and threatened to have an abortion if he didn't marry her. What kind of crap is that? And like many of us who made mistakes, he thought she'd change. Wrong answer.

I think he's grown a lot from the experience and much smarter now. And he has a beautiful little boy to show for it.

But he's gun shy. Can't blame him.

And get this....
She works at the same company I do. Daggone it, I just can't escape these ex's can I? LOL

I made him promise to do his best not to let her know where I work. But I'm sure it will get to her eventually. I have friends in high places, and they would take care of me, but I don't want my work life to get more complicated than it has to be. Like I said, she is scary!

Thankfully she works on the other side of the complex, and I've never seen her.

And one more thing....
I'm smart enough to know there are 2 sides to every story, and that we all have our weaknesses. He's definitely not perfect, and in many ways unlike anyone I've ever dated. I'm smart enough to take it slow.

But what an interesting thing to be dating him. Interesting indeed. Just not something I envisioned a few years ago. Yep, I've changed.

What does GWH mean? I know your referring to your XH.

GWH = Giant Weenie Head. I think Ellie came up with that one. It fits well don't you think?

It is hard to stop at a hug. I think seeing if he is a good kisser is VERY important though and much more fun than a hug! LOL

Ummmm, yeah, he's a good kisser. I figured that out over the weekend. I have a BIG problem. LOL

When I was with BF, who is now the XBF, we had s*x twice. Sad to say though it wasn't as good as with STBXH. STBXH always made sure it was good for me, if you know what I mean. Anyway, does anyone else have this problem? Have you had this problem before MAL? Maybe my expectations were too high. OK, sorry, probably too much info for ya'll. He, he!!

I agree that s3x with someone else isn’t the same. GWH and I were very compatible in that area, and after many years of practice we had worked out a lot of the kinks. Things worked well if you know what I mean.

I have been with a few people since then, and without criticizing them, it’s just not the same. Sure, it’s like riding a bike. But it’s a beach cruiser instead of a 10-speed. Perhaps the brakes are on the pedals instead of the handle bars. Maybe the bike is blue instead of green. Still a bike – just not the same bike.

HOWEVER, I will say that I’m also at a point in my life where I’m comfortable with my s3xuality, and in true DB form, I know how to express myself, and ask for what I want. I don’t ASSume that the other person will figure it out. So in that regards, it is more fun for me. I’ve also been able to relax some and enjoy some things that I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed as much with my ex. And, I’ve noticed that these gentlemen tend to put a little more attention in certain areas – more than my ex did.

So, different bike, but this one has treads!!!

Like a relationship, I think a good s3x life takes work and practice. It’s hard to get to that if you’re just dating, or not in a long-term committed relationship. Instead we get to try out different bikes. I guess if I stay with someone long enough, I’ll get back to that wonderful thing I used to have with GWH, but this time, I think it will be even better – because I’ve changed.

I have noticed that I am more HD than I ever was. I’ve never been LD, but there has definitely been an increase. Maybe that is my age. I wonder if other women in this forum have experienced that too? Okay ladies, if Saint Mal can speak up, you can too, right? SMILE

Have you heard from Berto? That was some weekend we all had, wasn't it? I still have the huge wine bottle. I use it to put my corks in it now.

I had an IM conversation with him earlier this year, but it was short. I think Rhonda keeps in touch with him, maybe? It took me a long time to get rid of the wine too. Actually I think I may still have a bottle.



So anyway, still seeing Dave. He's good to me. Taking it slow. Learning each other. Who knows where it could lead. I just know that I'm having a great time right now.

[Briget]

I have noticed that I am more HD than I ever was. I’ve never been LD, but there has definitely been an increase. Maybe that is my age. I wonder if other women in this forum have experienced that too? Okay ladies, if Saint Mal can speak up, you can too, right? SMILE

I'm thinking you must be 40ish?

Or very close.I noticed I sex drive went up after I had my historectomy.I have five kids.LOL I'm thinking it's cause I can't get pregnant.And not only is it higher.But my O are stronger.

If this is my 40 I can't wait til I'm 50.Only eight more years.LOL

Later Friends
Briget

[DownNotOut]

Stink people!!! I'm still trying to find a new bike!! I don't care what stinking color it is---it's been so long tho', I'll probably need training wheels!

DNO

[KarenMarieS]

New Bikes are fun! and most times even better then the old bikes, especially if the tires are bigger

[nikatnight]

Thanks MAL for the reply. It doesn't sound like Dave is a typical WAS that we think of as "the enemy." It sounds like he tried to work things out before leaving. I hope the XW changes jobs before you run into her. Small world!!

OK...as far as bikes go....My X was well endowed and I never realized how much so until being with XBF. XBF is probably average but my X had a "great bike, seat, wheels, etc...."
and always made it to the FINISH LINE!!!! (for both of us, he he)

So what's up with the different size "balls" men have??? My X was "tight" I guess, and XBF hangs alot. Kinda weird to me. Yes, too much info but who else can I ask???? I would love to get a man's opinion on this one too.

Yes, it probably took years to "perfect" our s#x life so I shouldn't count XBF out, especially because I think he is coming back into the picture. His W is leaving him again. He is done with trying with her and we've been talking everyday. I told him I only want to be friends. I need him to work to get me back, so this will be fun....

nikatnight

[BethM]

YOOOOOOOOOOO Mallie,

I'll never quite look at a bike in the same way again!

Hope you're feeling better and are somewhat over the sting. I think that the lonliness that you were feeling is pretty normal considering the loss that we've been through. It still never ceases to amaze me how someone that has treated us so poorly can still make us feel that we are missing a piece of ourselves. It also makes me wonder if we can ever be totally whole again.

Take care of your self and those guys of your......

Love,
Bethie

[MAL]

I'm thinking you must be 40ish?

Yep, turning 42 in a couple of weeks. Is it obvious? LOL

[MAL]

Stink people!!! I'm still trying to find a new bike!! I don't care what stinking color it is---it's been so long tho', I'll probably need training wheels!

DNO

LOL. I'm sure you'll be just fine. Keep the training wheels on back order.