Hello everyone! For those of you who know me and for those who are about to read this, I will try to make this brief. I am a DB'er of June 2004 when my WAW left me, she had an affair with someone 17 years her senior and she is only 39 today. My second marriage, her 4th...Married for only two years when she left. I found this site and it took me only 8 months to win her back thru this process called divorce busting!
What a joy that day was when she begged me back in her life... We stilled lived apart about 37 miles during our reconcillation, saw each other according to our schedules, attempted counsling, etc. We knew at the moment where and what we wanted out of life! It was soooooo surreal and comforting knowing I had my soul mate back in my life.
Well let me tell all of you something. Those of you struggling with emotions, tears, fear, anxiety, sense of loss...It truly wasnt and isnt worth it...we are so blinded by thinking they were the best thing for us...the only thing it gave me was more aggravation, more attempts in trying to brings US together and we didnt have US anymore. It does take two folks! I spent 8 months getting her back, then 14 months in working US back to being better than we were before and it wasnt there anymore.
The kicker for me was this past Thanksgiving she opted to spend it with her family who lives locally rather than with her husband...not even half of the day with me..and that did it for me..there were odds and ends I saw in her throughout the year...kept track of these things and basically kept my eyes open..monitored the results! If she even cared for me as she so claimed, then that holiday I would have been with her or even invited to her families house..thats another story because after she left me, her family decided to shut me out like I had to prove something to ...but meanwhile it was there daughter who had the OM!
So Im filing for the D soon and moving on with my life.. I am 47 and life is too short...My advice for all of you is search deeply, dont let life pass u by because of one person.. you all had a life before they runied it!
Thank you for your insight. I agree with a lot of points that you made. It's true at first we are just thrilled to get our WAS's back. Then, when the hard work comes along to get past the issues......that's when the challenge begins.
As much as it stinks, the truth is that we don't all make it no matter how hard we try. YOur post was like a wake up call to me. Like I told H, we weren't compatible the way we were before. We seperated and became different people, there is as likely a chance that the people we have become are no more compatible then the people we were.
Thanks for the post and GL with moving on.
~SE
I'm moving on...at last I can see...life has been patiently waiting for me.
Me-32 WAH-35 DD-11 DS-4 H left 11-03 Piecing- 12/04 WAH again- 03/07 Married 12 years Divorce final May 15, 2007
I think that reconciling should be very carefully done...make sure you go back for the right reasons, namely make sure they want YOU back for the right reasons. I was with someone who went back to his ex-wife after 3 years post divorce for them. He was warned by everyone to not hurry back into it, but he did anyway. After 2 years, she did the same things she did before. Another affair, hated him, kicked him out repeatedly - and he regretted going back tremendously and wanted back into my life. I had already moved on and would never trust him again. If he didn't love me enough to stay with me after all they had been through, then I knew it could happen again. He was so desperate for her love, he would have taken it back no matter what the circumstances. She only wanted him back because he had someone else and she was suffering financially. Once she inherited her dad's money and built a nice new home, she didn't need him anymore and she has remarried her affair partner. Just tread carefully...their heart has to be in the right place, and they need to prove it. As for me, life is too short also. Anytime a relationship is lop-sided, where one loves the other more, it usually just doesn't work. It is very sad, but true.
I have been thinking the same thing. I have gained nothing since he begged me to stay within the M. In my case, however, we had been married for more than 19 years (20 years next month), so I had more invested in the M, plus we had a family together. However, I am 48 years old, and also not keen to waste much more time on someone who is not plugged in, and doesn't show any positive changes. He has until the end of this year to figure it out, or I am out, and perhaps sooner. Life is too short, and I want my piece of happiness too, especially now that I have worked so hard on regaining my confidence, self-esteem, and my sense of worth. I forgive him for what he has put me and our kids through, but he has a lot of work to do to get my trust back, and if that doesn't return, then it is all pointless. I even moved to a new city trying to build on our relationship, but I have just ended up lonely and feeling disconnected from everything. Thank goodness for my studies, and I work out a lot. I am looking and feeling so much better about myself and my DH is not interested, or it doesn't seem as if he is.
Anyway, enough of my venting. Good luck for your future!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks everyone for commenting and sharing your thoughts and emotions. I agree with all that was written. If its one sided, then usually it doesnt work out. It takes two and YES she had to prove herself to me and she didnt. She claims she has changed or that I may not have liked who she has become and in all honesty, she was JUST like she was before. No change in her....she thinks she has changed, but again, she was her own self. If you do not prove your love through action, then what do u really have in a R? Just a body going through life with you.....They say they care, they say this and that...and the outcome is that WE through this process has opened our hearts and mind to many wonderful possabilities to search for the love we are meant to have in this world. The DB process makes us wiser, stronger, better human beings...besides meeting some wonderful and intelligent people on here, WOW!...life is too short!
You only have one chance in this life time to make it right, it is not a dress rehersal!!
So true! As long as one has given one's WAS every opportunity at real reconciliation, then if things are the same as before, then what is the point. You have to be able to walk away with your head held high, having explored every avenue. Like Dr. Phil says: "You know you're ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door with no anger, frustration or hurt. Otherwise, you've got unfinished business," says Dr. Phil. "Unless and until you look each other in the eye feeling peace, no hatred or resentment, you're not ready to get a divorce." That is the place I am in right now. I am not done yet, but if things don't change soon, then I will withdraw my feelings and move on, once I feel I have done everything humanly possible to get through to my H. Sometimes, I think he just wishes the things he has done will just be forgotten, and he can carry on as before, with no consequences, or having to prove anything to me. Well, we'll see!
I wish you well on your journey!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Good quotes from Dr Phil..He is so good..LOL I wish you well also beingme...I think Im at that point but not 100%..There is still a hold of some sort that wont let go...so hard to detach when you believe sometimes that you were meant to be together...but I cannot keep living into her lies.. It was my Bday on the 7th..did I receive a phone call? NOPE..she claims and tells my friends I do love him, I do care, I do wanna remain friends...but I got no phone call! Yeah right, if she cared..I would have gotten one..
Get this! Her sister called me last wednesday out of the blue. Her and her husband just moved back from Germany to Virginia a MONTH ago. Now why out of the blue? She told me that my WAW was over her place on Sunday for dinner...Well anyway, her sis tells me that she was going thru her phone book and decided to call me...(yeah right) asked me if it was allright...then I told her what was going on...long story short..we met for breakfast for 2 hours and I FINALLY got to tell my story to someone in that family! We ended hugging before we left and she said that she is going to have a talk with my WAW... For someone reason I believe this was to get info on me and whats going on in my life...I sure was careful how I responded to her questions tho..but I told her do what you wanna do...someone needs to knock some sense into her.. Im still moving forward!!
Well, Happy Birthday, zbaby! It is nice when the one's we care about remember special occasions. I hope you were able to spoil yourself.
I hope your WAW's sister was able to talk some sense into her, but don't expect too much. Sometimes it just makes the WAS more defensive about their choices. In my sitch, I found detaching, and getting on with my life, was better for me, and my H was certainly intrigued enough to get interested in me again. To the point, that I think he is more interested than I am. Such power! Not that I wanted it that way, but life is weird sometimes.
Anyway, I sure do keep busy with studying, etc. So, I am in the wait and see mode - for now.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I did I did..LOL Thankyou beingme for stopping by... I don't even care if WAW sis can talk to her...lets put it this way..the sis told me she will call me asap....and here it is 10 days later... Apparently im suppose to receive a good bye letter in the mail today from the WAW! I could use some extra paper in my fire place..LOL
