Well I know that I was in for a low point despite having such a good marriage session...but this is TERRIBLE...(can't fight back the tears)
I just found out that last Thur night (the night of our "great" marriage session)...OM stayed over at W apt...Can you believe she could be so pscho...she says all these things to me and then OM comes over to have sex the night of our session...that is truely sick...
I told her about going to KC for my grandfather this weekend, who I just found out only has a few weeks to live (going by myself of course) and I asked her if she had plans for the weekend...she could have said anything and I would not have cared...she could have very easily said going out freinds, don't know yet...anything vague...but no she says that she is going to see her sick grandmother in beaumont and then she was doing this and that...all major lie...W has been with OM all weekend between her apt and his house...why come up with such lies? she could have said anything and been vague and she would never been caught in a flat out lie.
I think I'm getting off this roller coaster...I understand that there will be highs and lows, but when the highs are all fake what is the use. How does a person go to MC and then sleep with OM all in the same night...heck, our appt didn't get over till 8:45pm...It is taking all my energy not to call her right now and tell her to go to H@ll...
I think my biggest fear is coming true...it's all a big cherade...and she has me and our therapist fooled...I know I am angry right now so I'm proud of myself for holding off till calling, but only because when I tell her that I think that she is sick and needs help, I want to do it calm and composed like I was in the therapy session.
I don't want to be married to this girl...it takes a certain person to have sex w OM on the same night you just had a marriage session with H...and not only would that person not be a good W but not a good mother either.
The pain is too great...I have tears streaming down my cheeks as I write...I want it over. Why does she have to hurt me...just let me go.
(((((VINCES)))))) No advice really,just feeling for you.Sorry you have to go through this.But remember she is confused,not that it really helps but she is.My H is living w/ow and it is hard not to think of it,but I am fighting for my M and have to realize that He is not with it right now.Is she who you want to spend the rest of your life with? Think about that and wait at least 24 hrs before you do anything about your M. OK promise?
Lisa_c
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~ by Lao Tzu ~
she DID say in our session that she felt that she was at a crossroads and her feet were stuck and could not make a decesion...one road led her to work things out with me and the other was to become independent and take the world by storm (I was led to believe that the other road did not have the OM long term)...but I have to question that now...I think I'm being made the fool...but why...where is the motive besides cake and eat it too.
I know ultimatums are wrong and I want to avoid that, partly because I don't want her coming back for the wrong reasons, financial, etc. My C did say that she did not think it was out of line to suggest that she quit seeing OM while trying to work on the M...next appt is Thur...but I don't know if I can wait that long...I will however have her for two hours in a confined room that I can clear some things up and then I could see what her attitude is toward the stopping the A.
LKC, thank you for your words...I will wait 24 hours...I have learned my lesson from a reaction from the discovery of the A...I sent an angry e-mail and said some bad things in it when I was angry and W still has e-mail and brings it up to throw in my face and "see this is why I left"...I have to be smarter, wiser...like a good DBer...I must be calm...direct and focused...this past week was about me validating her...I think this weeks session needs to be about me a little more...what do you think?
Does anyolne here feel like I'm over reacting to her having OM stay the night after a great Marriage session? I'm not even that angry for her staying with him over the weekend...just the night of our session...isn't that a little weird?
I don't think you are overreacting at all. Try to keep your cool. I even understand guys that do very nasty things. Don't do them. She is not worth you. Drop her before she screws your life up forever.
Quote: Does anyolne here feel like I'm over reacting to her having OM stay the night after a great Marriage session? I'm not even that angry for her staying with him over the weekend...just the night of our session...isn't that a little weird?
You are overreacting honey only because you are still attached...and while I can say detach, it's much easier said than done. Sure you can't take the other gentleman's advice and dump her but what do you feel in your heart. I'm thinking since you went to the trouble of finding a MC and finding DB that is not what you truly want.
When you are able to detach you won't look at each and everything she does, you won't analyze it to death as others do...you will not personalize. In the beginnings here you will see that we all personalize, look for any and every baby step forward and then we focus too much on the steps backwards. If you let the rope drop and see what happens you will find yourself in a healthier emotional place.
She is in MC with you, is she not...that is more than many have here...actions speak louder than words. Perhaps she didn't tell you the truth to protect you from these very feelings that you are feeling right now. She knows how you would feel.
BTW..the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus...the authors last name is Grey...I am rereading it again right now...I truly think it would help you as well as most people on this board understand where the male/female perspective of things come into play.
Of course I want it to work and I know that I should view actions of her going to MC as positive, but I keep going back to...Doesn't this tell me something that she would do this on the same night of our MC? Isn't that over the top...not to say that having an A isn't, but right after you have, as she put it, a session beyond what she had expected and then you have OM over...please advise...I'm wondering if I married a monster.
Quote: please advise...I'm wondering if I married a monster.
She is NOT a monster, she's just not someone you recognize at this very moment. She's your W and underneath it all (despite what you are seeing), she still is the kind loving woman you fell in love with and married. She's just as you said at a crossroad in life. A great deal of which fork in the road she takes, will depend on you and how you handle YOURSELF. That was one of the reasons that I suggested you read the Mars/Venus book. There is such a wealth of information on what men/women need/want in relationships.
Honestly now Vince, anytime she is spending time with om that is taking time away from you...is not going over the top. Is it not? Perhaps it just so happens, that they had that night picked out in particular. You never know...that's why I suggested if you can, stop analyzing it. I know it is hard to do. I know how you are feeling. There could be a thousand reasons of why she did it and chose that night...find something else to do to take your mind off of it. Come find one of our silly martini posts and have a laugh...seriously, it's done most of us a ton of good just to make new friends on here and have a slight diversion.
SanS, One more thing before D. Housewives comes on
what are your thoughts about next session me asking that she cut things off w OM for the time we are "working on the marriage" MC does not think that you can have simultanious R going on. IF W keeps on saying that OM is non-factor...it should not be tough. right?
Quote: what are your thoughts about next session me asking that she cut things off w OM for the time we are "working on the marriage"
LOL..we have an hour left.. Actually my friend that is an ultimatum, no matter how you sugarcoat it...it is what it is. I personally don't work well with them. How do you work with them? How does your W? If someone tells you to do something, what do you do?
If she choses to not cut it off, can you live with that? Is that TRULY where you are right now that you can go in and extend that request to her and have no regrets 10yrs later if she says you know what...I'm gonna see where this goes with him?
If you are so inclined to want to suggest something like this, perhaps speak with the MC first before the actual meeting and get his/her take on a better approach...maybe you could ask the MC if it can be SUGGESTED that she work on the M without outside interference...still a form of an ultimatum but your MC would know how to word it better and if they felt you were at a safe point where you could say "call her bluff."
I'm only hesitant because I've seen the WAS go further into the A when an ultimatum was given.
