Quote: I'm also reasonably certain that even if I wanted to have sex with another woman, within ten seconds after completeing the act--even if I loved it--I would not want to be there. It's the chase, the fantasy, and the momentary physical intimacy that are enticing, not the completeion of the act itself. And the absence of true emotional/physical/committed intimacy--a feeling I have known--would make the act less than it could be.
Well said Merrick.
This is an interesting subject. I don't know if the question really has to do with "Men vs.Women in moving on" as much as "Initiator vs. LBS in moving on". I believe that the emotional trauma experienced by the LBS is shared equally by both men and women.
The real question is, why are you seeking a new R and are you truly prepared for the potential consequences, both good and bad?
Quote: Men - is it more difficult for you to psychologically and emotionally move on to another relationship if you are not the one that left the marriage?
My opinion is the one person that asked for changes in the M, worked on the M, and saw few results is the person that can function better after a D.
The DBing spouse can at least know they tried to make the M work and if it does not they have the knowledge they did their best.
When their are children involved. the one with the most primary care duties might have fewer opportunities to find someone to their liking.
With other type of seperations I don't want to say.
I jump in this one too. Some of you guys know me, I've been here a long time. Personally, even after over 2 years of separation, I still hang on to the idea of family. I couldn't even think of confronting my kids with a new lover of mine. XW obviously doesn't have any trouble with that, she is still with her BF, still screaming and shouting at me.
There is a lot of pressure on me to move on. Basically I'd have sex every now and than if I can, and if the woman agrees, but I think I'll need much more time to be able to open up and commit fully again, if ever.
So my take on this, is that men hold on to their families, keep feeling responsible even after suffering a lot of humiliation, etc. women tend to forget and move on quicker.
Well from reading this thread it appears the question is not gender specific but of an individual nature. We move on when were ready, some sooner than others. I've found from talking to people, and my readings here on the BB that a lot of people have a hard time moving on as their still emotionaly attached to their X's almost out of habit, it seems! I found once I made a clean break ( no contact with the X it was quite easy). I felt no guilt because I had done all I could to save my M and had remained faithfull for the duration of our time together! The kids of course are another issue! I'm sensitive to their feelings but also need to live my own life! Also in this "New" age of %50 M breakups there are so many people out there in the same boat there's no shortage of the opposite sex. I did the on line dating thing for a while, took breaks when I needed them then found my partner when I wasn't looking! My 2 cents! C.
I agree that it seems to be an individual thing instead of a gender thing. I have moved on with my life and have a really wonderful new person that is sharing this journey.
I often said during my second marriage that if I had worked as hard on my first as I did on my second, I would have still been married to my first husband. I truely still believe that.
I also believe that God puts us where we are for a reason. I would have never known the love I have been receiving now if I hadn't been with my 2nd husband...because I would have never met my sweetie.
This has been an intersting thread to read. Thank you for starting it!! Ger!!
