I have read "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" twice in the past several months. Also read DB,DR, and the 7 Principles. Any other resources I am missing?
I recently discovered a new pile of evidence that exposed a whole slew of deceit from my W. It is to the point that I don't believe anything she says. The latest lie involved a very elaborate story and has broken this camel's back.
My A has the paperwork in hand and will file as soon as I say the word. I am just trying to use any available resources before I start this ugly process. I don't want to do this but I can't take living in a world where I don't know what is real anymore. Any ideas?
Well, last night I found even more deceit and decided to ask my W a tough question. "Can you stop the lies and be 100% honest from here forward?" Seemed like a simple enough queston, right? Long pause, followed by,"I don't know". Well, that pretty much means doom for this R and her future ones as well. It's just a damn shame. I asked her how she can tell me she loves me then lie about so many things right to my face. I asked her why she hasn't filed if I make her so miserable. She said,"I love you too much to do that, it is your decision." What? She loves me too much to file but wants to see OM, spends money like water, and constantly lies to me. How do you help someone like this?
tbone, you've been going through this for a long, long time. Don't know what to tell you, and I don't know what will work if anything. You are obviously not going to put up with OM and I don't blame you one bit. Seeing someone else is my absolute breaking point. You have a hard decision to make...you've talked to her before, gone to counseling, etc. You know you are being taken for granted, but the decision is still hard. Deep down, you are going to have to ask yourself how long you are willing to live this kind of life. Only you can answer that...
Tbone, my W left me for her kids sake plus had another man but I got her back in 5 months of separation. My W wouldnt fiel either, why? cuz she did love me and was confused. Your W may be also..remember they're ALIENS!!
Other books to read?: Tough Love by Dr Dobson How one of you can bring the two of you together by Susan Page. 5 love Languages by Gary Chapman The Walk Away Wife Syndrom by ?? (find it on Amazon)
Thanks for your input. I am truly at a fork in my life's road. W called yesterday afternoon to say she was extending her vacation with our boys yet another day. She was on her own vacation for 2 weeks and now took almost a week the boys. She "stopped in" for 2 days in between that resulted in my discoveries, her wanting a D(defense mechanism)one day, and then wanted to reconcile(guilt driven) the next. So I am really okay with her absence. I do miss my boys though, especially after having them solo for 2 weeks. Oh well, I asked her if her position has changed on being 100% honest and she said "NO". That is truly the hingepoint for me. No honesty, no R. That applies to everyone and every R, I thought. She has forced my hand and I feel awful. I am waiting for our face to face meeting tonight before I make my final decision. Unfortunately, I don't see her being able to be trustworthy. Why? She lied again yesterday. She can't not do it. Too ingrained.
This whole thing is breaking my heart. I left work early yesterday because I just couldn't deal with things and was getting very angry. She has "conned" me during our whole R and it has finally pissed me off. The lies are getting bigger and more elaborate all the time. Unfortunately I can't be around that. I wish I was stronger, more patient, etc. but I guess we all have our limit. I hope my boys can forgive me but I don't see any other options right now. I have felt sick since last Friday from stewing over this. She was supposed to be home 3 days ago and then we could have discused it all by now. This hurts more than I thought possible and is a place I never wanted to be.
This board has always been so good to me and I appreciate that. My local support team is there for me too. In fact, they have been quite vocal about ending this R but have not pushed me. They have seen what it has done to me and are afraid if I continue. They have felt this way a long time but I think it has finally hit me. My W and I simply can not coexist any longer. Caring for her hurts too much. Trying to save this M hurts too much. I will always worry about her and hope she is doing well but I can no longer be responsible for trying to help her. First she ran off her good friends and now she ran off her H. Hopefully she will see at some point that maybe it is not the rest of the world, maybe it is her.
I also read "Tough Love" but not the others. Oh yeah, she is definitely an alien, that I understand. She truly doesn't know what she wants but hasn't for the last 4-5 years. I don't know that my heart can take another 4-5 years of "I don't know", I really don't.
