Summertime....and the living is easy...

[R2]

Oh, BTW....what exactly is "educational technology"?

[gd1]

Hi SG,
Just catching up on your busy summer! I'm exhausted just reading about it.
Dontcha just hate that the walkaways are such cowards about everything? At least yours has apologized for hurting you.

You sound full of p and vinegar and ready to burst out of that cocoon! When my d went off to college I really didn't feel much of the empty nest syndrome...i was a very hand's on mama bear while she was at home, but I always thought that college was 'time' for kids to spread their wings and hopefully use the sense we try to pound into them while they live under our roof. I also think that most of us sacrificed a lot of what we wanted to do for our kids and our spouses, so when the kids fly, i think we feel a little sense of relief that we can start making ourselves more of a priority.

Glad to hear your hard work is going to pay off in a better salary!
gd

[Survival_Goddess]

Hi Rob,

Thank you for the thoughtful post. Yeah, I think at this point my H is full of sorrow and regret, but he just doesn't have the balls it takes to do the right thing and leave the floozy in the dust. He was wistful and positive about our 20 years together and he repeatedly said how great our lives were. I finally, at one point said, "if it was so great, why couldn't you do what you needed to do to fix the situation and dump the girl?" He sadly answered, "that is the million dollar question, isn't it" I told him that I still thought that counseling would be benificial for him, and he said, "Yeah, my mom thinks so too!"

Today as I was thinking things over I realized that DBing really has helped me through this whole process. I can honestly say that I can imagine spending time with him (for example at D's college functions) and being OK with it. Although I was sad about the whole business, I really feel like I am at yet another milestone of detachment, and at this point I really do want the best not only for me and the kids, but also for him.

He had made a big mess out of his life, and I hope that he will be able to recover and come out the other side a more mature and less selfish man. Hey, I can hope, can't I?

I have a few 3 day trips planned over the next 2 weeks, then get busy and get ready for school. Classes for my masters start the 26th and classes for where I teach start the 29th.

Educational Technology is just a fancy name for computer teacher! I teach "curriculum integration using technology" and I train teachers how to do it. I also will be qualified to do "distance learning" when I am all done.

Talk to you later,
SG

[cherylpd]

SG,
You handled that last meeting like the goddess you are, with dignity and grace. If I ever get a finally meeting with my STBX, I hope I will handle it like you did. I agree that DBing has really helped me. I shudder to think where I would be without Michele's books and this site.

I don't understand why these WAS could think that they could lie, cheat and steal but their LBS would still want them in their lives. My STBX said something very similar to what your STBX said to you, he wanted to remain close friends once the D was finalized. Friends?

Well enjoy your couple of weeks of freedom before you have to return to school.
Cheryl

[Survival_Goddess]

Hi gd,

Thanks for the visit!

I have mixed feelings about D going away. . .

I am sure I will miss her, but I am also sure she will get some much needed growing up here, and she will really enjoy college!

We went shopping for her dorm sheets yesterday. The dorms have "extra-long twin" beds and need special sheets. We went to Linens and Things, and there was nothing she liked. There was always something wrong. Then we went to Bed Bath and Beyond...still no go. Finally we went to Macy's and found 100% cotton sheets, the right size, and a normal color. This took ALL DAY! I was sympathetic because the dorm sheets offered were in horrible electric colors that would keep me awake at night, so I understood, BUT! I called her the princess and the pea. She just half heartedly laughed.

So some things I will be glad to let go of!

Oh, did I mention the mess that seems to follow her from room to room?

It is a good thing I will be busy this fall, or there would just be too much empty space.
Really, I am happy for her and I am looking forward to my next phase of life.
3 years ago I was looking forward to an empty nest and more time w/H. Well, that didn't happen. So now, empty nest and more time for ME!

Are you going to the SoCal DB party in October?

It would be cool to meet...I am still considering it strongly.

Take care,
SG

[Survival_Goddess]

Hi Cheryl!

Well, you said something that struck home...

I don't understand why these WAS could think that they could lie, cheat and steal but their LBS would still want them in their lives. My STBX said something very similar to what your STBX said to you, he wanted to remain close friends once the D was finalized.

I don't think I could possibly be friends with H...but I think I can spend time with him and not be angry and resentful.

For us to be friends would mean I would have to trust him. I don't. Also, the way I feel about him now is I feel he is a person who is fundamentally damaged and needs serious help. I kind of feel like he is someone who I ... well maybe pity isn't the right word, but maybe it is! He made a huge mess of his life! He negatively impacted his family! the rest of us are going to be OK, but it wasn't without a TON of hard work on my part. H just doesn't want to do the work.

So "Friends"? No way. But someone I can deal with, yes.

Take care!
SG

[qoe100]

(((SG)))
You handled the contact with STBX beautifully. Kudos to you!!!

It really does sound like he understands what he's lost.
And you're right, it's very difficult to be "friends" with someone who hurt us so badly.

You sound great!!!

[hope42ndchances]

Hi SG,

He actually said the he thought he can just step out and then reconcile and then he can come back??? Now that the door is finally closed, he puts out the big guns...by talking to you and showing tears..This is what happens once they knew they spent their last dime. So sad..too bad..

We both will have empty houses this fall. My S18 will be moving into his dorm next Wednesday, the 24th. S18 will only be 30 miles away though and he can always come home during the weekends. My STBXH will be our pack mule to haul S18 stuff to the dorm (refrigerator, computer, clothes, etc.)

I just talked to my H's attorney and I will pick up the paperwork from their office. So my D paperwork is on its way. It's ok...I have had two years to think about it and even though I still don't want the D, I will not get in his way. At least I will no longer be in limbo. No use trying to hold on to an M when there is only one person trying. It just does not work. Maybe, he can finally face his issues once I am out of the picture.

I am glad to hear you will be getting a hefty raise. And graduate studies is just around the corner. I wanted to attend at least one of the DB gathering but since it will be in October, I don't know if I can swing it with work and trying to see my folks before they go back to the Philippines in October. Not very likely I can go. God bless you Goddess.

Love,
Hopie

[KarenA]

SG!!
Hey you! Wow! Quite the chat w/ STBX uh? amazing, yet what is amazing is I am not surprised! My STBX a few months back, sat across a table from me and said, I still want a divorce, BUT its so that we can have a much better chance of getting back together in the future,,,Say What??

Sooo, nothing surprises me anymore, and you are right, your H dosnt seem to be able to get to that next step--- one day, he will for sure want to and I have a feeling you will have moved on, way on!

Glad your daughter got her sheets! I have seen these electric colors at work! egads, how does anyone relax in colors like shocking pink and super orange? lol

You sound good as usual SG, I sure hope you will be able to make it in Oct. It would be such a pleasure to meet you!!

[Survival_Goddess]

Hi Hopie!

I am in vacation mode for a little bit here, not checking the boards so often. Thanks for the visit! Well, not only is my DD leaving on September 9th, but S announced the other day that he wants to move out by the end of August. D's comment, "He wants to beat me out!" And, yeah, she is probably right about that. The 19 yr old doesn't like the 17 yr old passing him by.

I am visiting my friend up on the North Coast and heading back home today. We spent a fabulous afternoon at the beach, it was overcast and a little chilly! A big change from the 100+ I have been sweltering through in my area!
I actually almost didn't pack enough warm clothes! only by putting on a lot of layers was I able to stay warm.

It was great seeing my friend. She will be moving further away in about a month, so I will miss her. She has been my sanctuary to run to throughout this entire mess. But I feel like the worst is over and I am really looking forward to my future!

We chatted girl talk last night...and I got started on what I am looking for in a man! I can't believe I have come so far! I am too busy for anyone right now, but after graduation, LOOK OUT!
Well, it is fun to imagine a new future.

And it is fun to imagine my house without teenage mess everywhere. I will turn my S's room into an office when he moves out. That will be just the ticket for my studies and work!

SG