Frosty~ I am thinking that Mr. Imp is a bit confused about who needs to be kept in line.
Seattle sounds like fun!
cissy
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
This is an awesome thread. It serves as a reminder for those of us who have come out on the other side and a heads up for those who are just starting.
What is one thing that sticks with you even today that you learned as you made this arduous emotional journey? Something that you apply to your life on a continuous basis.
I know for myself,everytime my X pulls another of his stunts I consider that "my anger doesn't touch him, so why waste it on him". Plus, it is so much more fun to laugh at him and his insanity, so thats a little bonus.
cissy
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
Knowing with confidense that there are better days ahead when the one you find yourself living in isn't so good. That all storms pass by eventually. I guess it's a subsection of the PMA concept. This is what kept me going back when times with XW were hard, and emotions were difficult. Usually, I'm able to do the same nowadays but so much has improved since then, and nothing since has come close to be as trying.
Yeah, Long, Long time, no see. What..almost two years? Life is good, thanks for asking.
I like your "one thing". To sum it up, basically, "this too will pass". That is a good thing to remember. I hope other oldtimers will share their "one thing" as well.
If you ever decide to hit the oven aka desert, be sure and let me know and the 3 of us can meet for a cup of iced coffee.
(this thread is really stepping on my ability to lurk! )
~ cissy
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
Dear Hopeful and Cathy, I only have one thing to say, you both owe me 17,600 quarters. Sorry about using the public forum for an inside joke, but after all, this is for old time DBers. When people want to believe in a "proper" position concerning saving a relationship, or restoring one, the biggest step they can make is to say "What am I doing with this line of thinking?......Why do I keep chasing a speeding train?" Until that moment, the "unbomb" as we may call it, you will be in a cycle of confusion, and self abuse. Behaviors Imp and Cathy have endorsed: Take care of yourself emotionally and financially (and financially doesn't mean trying to suck more money from an X or STBX), and understand it will take time. I was in all of your shoes, a newbie, lost, searching and not understanding what was happening. Through a tremendous amount of "off DB Board" communication with friends I met here, I have found my way. A path not leading a partner, not following a partner and not needing a partner, but rather a path with many friends who surround me on the walk. I read of the mentions of enabling, and the criticism of the use of "herion addict or child abuser" replaced with a child at a candy counter. Hello, we are involved with adult situations here, and quite literally sugar coating it with what I see as excellent adult situation examples, is far more truthful. Many of you current readers do not know me. Just know, I have been through every stage of what you are going through. In many situations the helplessness over what specifically to do, over things and situations and behaviours beyond your control, becon the the Serenity prayer. Now, in situations where the marriage has ended, yet this board is being used as a mantel piece to prove the "right" of a poster, the hell with it. It is fruitless and wasted energy which should be directed to self improvement. I have been reading the posts again. Criticism over the "tone" of a post is obsurd. Take the political correctness and jam it. We have had spouse who had little concern over marraiges, committment, children, or the pain endured by the left behind spouse, and we are supposed to worry how words are offending a person reading the post. Know this: talk technique, talk setting a new personal path, talk about ideas which work and those which don't, talk about the care and time someone took to respond to your concern. Don't pick the damn sentence apart! This forum has changed a whole bunch since I was last here. I offer my love, compassion, support for all the caring and hurt victims of societies growing epidemic in regards to committment, marriage and children. To IMp, Cathy, Hopeful and the many other friends I have met and continue to call friends, a hardy, good to see you all again. Tom "Pistons Repeat" K
Yeah, your rep as a major lurker is taking a hit with this thread he he. Glad to hear you are doing fine.
You asked a very good question there BTW. In my case, the "one thing" became that way in large part from the support I received here at the BB from some very caring people not unlike yourself. I'll always be grateful for that. Kinda miss those who aren't hangin' around anymore, though. If they are doing better then I'm very happy for them.
Gigi and I aren't too far from where I believe you are nowadays, over in the corner of the oven. Drop me an e-mail, the address is on my bio here on the board. We'll make a day trip out of it and come visit you if you like. Iced java sounds fine!
Quote: What is one thing that sticks with you even today that you learned as you made this arduous emotional journey?
I remember the moment this lightbulb came on for me. The idea that just because I thought something was right did not mean it was right. I used to be a very obstinant person who believed that if I felt it in my heart then it must be true.
I could talk the paint off the wall when it came to my view point on any subject and getting others to see it my way and I was not at all open to a new view point.
It took quite a few people willing to carry a 2x4 and use it to get through to me that someone else might have a better view of things than I did...a better solution to a problem, a better idea.
I was very hung up on following my feelings and nine times out of ten my feelings were based on very skewed logic brought on by emotional pain and not on the reality of the situation. Being able to step outside myself and use logic instead of feelings has gone a long way in helping me see any situation from someone else's perspective and when you are in a relationship with anyone you have to be able to do that.
I no longer make judgments or try and solve problems based on my feelings alone. Just because you are feeling something doesn't make it truth. BIG LESSON in my life and I got it here..that and a few lumps on the head from all those whacks. Cathy
Hey Tom, last time I did any figuring you owed me buddy, not the other way around. Don't come collecting until you get your facts straight! Don't ever forget...I'm keeping a tab and I'll be the one to collect one day. Better start saving your money up. Cathy
