Yesterday, I had the thought that perhaps the time has come to send WAW a letter saying that I love her and that I want her to be happy and for that reason, I will be contacting an attorney to proceed in the divorce process. This will take some time for me to work thru. Perhaps I will give her the letter as a "Christmas gift".
This may be a matter of semantics for some, but I am not giving up, I am letting go. Letting go of WAW, letting go of our poisonous relationship, letting go of my dependence on her, letting go of all things that I have tried to control, but can't. I am not letting go of hope for WAW. I still hope that she turns her heart back to God, for it is only thru Him that she will experience not just superficial happiness, but true deep joy. I still hope that she looks inward to see why it is she made the decisions that she did; why it is she couldn't talke to her family about her feeling and problems; why she couldn't become emotionally intimate with me. I still hope that she can have the relationship with D15 & D13 that she never had w/her mom.
I won't comment on the "Dobson letter", but I just wanted to lend you my support for your decision of letting go. I have come to the same decision (led by the word of God) to let go. I, too, feel just as you do. I have not given up, but I have given it to God in prayer. It is now His problem, and not mine. I no longer feel burdend by the whole thing. My tears have stopped flowing over her. I heard a terrific sermon on line about letting go. I recommend you (and everyone else) to listen to it. Go to this website, and click on the sermon "Let them go": Let Them Go
May God continue to bless you on your journey, my friend.
Bryan
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Today is/was our 21st anniversary. No, I am not going to say anything to WAW about it.
I had to go away for two days for business. D13 & D15 had a rare mid-week stayover at the apt w/WAW. I got home early last night so that they could come home, but they said they wanted to stay at the apt. Dissapointing, but I didn't let them know. This AM WAW called to say that D13 was sick and not going to school. I called later to see how she was.
WAW is taking steps to remover he name from all bills that come to the house. On one hand I could care less about this. On the other hand, this is just one more step in her relentless march towards the D and it p's me off.
I don't feel like I am getting anything out of my C sessions. I don't feel like I have EVER gotten anything out of them. I've learned the most from reading books (13 of them). At some of my sessions I felt like the C should have been paying ME for the session.
I really feel like I am at a point where I am stuck. WAW will only talk to me about D15 & D13. I've been dark about everything else. I'm trying to "let go" and drop the rope, but even tho' I tell myself that is not the same as giving up, it feels like it.
This is point where if I were reading this post, I would say "You need to step back and talk a look at the sitch. Sure is been 357 days since WAW moved out, but don't focus on that. Sure it feels like you've made no progress in your R, but look at all you've accomplished with yourself. Your playing the piano a little, you did the comedy workshop and your R w/D15 & D13 is better than it ever was and your R w/God has matured. And thru out all of this you've stuck to your game plan of not turning this into the War of the Roses".
To quote a famous DB'er, "It's been a year" and quite a year it's been. I'm ready for the Merry-Go-Round, I want to get off the rollercoaster.
Hey Jabez. Sorry to hear your pain. Yesterday in particular must have been a tough day for you. I hope you're feeling somewhat better today. I was glad to see you posting again, I will keep checking on you
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
Thanks for the kind words. I had dinner w/my parents last night. Kind of wierd, but better than being alone. Later when I went to pick up D13, she reached to hold my hand on the ride home. I had been out of town for 2 days on biz and she missed me. Made me feel 10 feet tall!
Been reading others' threads about GAL weekends and it has inspired me to make some plans.
I've ben reading your thread and it sounds like you've had some progress. Congrats! Keep up the good work.
Jabez - it's my anniversary weekend too - so I can empathise. There is so much unsaid isn't there?
I think your tally of accomplishments is fantastic when you consider what the alternative might be.
Several times this week I've heard the phrase "it's always darkest before the dawn" and I think there's an element of truth in it. Maybe that's the way it is for you right now too?
Take care of yourself.
Oh - and a piece of gratuitious advice - maybe you could get a new counsellor???
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Thanks for the response. I had a pretty good GAL weekend, visiting my Dad for baseball on Fri PM, D15&13's marching band show on Sat PM and football w/my brother on Sun. Got some exercise and worked around the house a little too. Nothing fantastic, but the anniversary thoughts didn't haunt me.
it's always darkest before the dawn
Well, I've seen a few glimpses of light. It's not that WAW is changing, it's that I'm dropping the rope, not necessarily moving on, but rather not getting sea-sick in the storm. Expecting the big wave and being able to ride it out w/o crashing or hurling.
maybe you could get a new counselor?
Actually, I think that I've learned much more from reading. I have a book on order by Dr. Sternburg from Yale called "Love is a story". I'm going to take a break from counseling for a while. Unless I feel like I really need it, the next time I do anything like that will be when WAW becomes a WBW or when I start a R that is leading towards M w/someone new.
Last night I had two experiences that let me know just where I stand with my feelings on the sitch.
First, I want to a friend's house to help out with a computer problem. (I'm like a Geek Squad guy, only I don't get paid and that bytes.) I realize that when you help someone out, they are going to be nice to you. It felt good to be appreciated. I thirsted for more and thought that I was ready to "move on".
Second, depending on my mood, I either keep my wedding ring on or put it in my pocket. Last night when I was emptying my pockets, I threw my coins into my "bank". Later I remembered that I didn't have my ring on and looked all over for it. I was feeling kind of panicked for a while. By chance, I saw it in the bank and felt relieved. I guess that I'm not as far a long in letting go as I thought.
Today is my last day at the C. I changed C's b/c I felt that I was not getting anything out of the old C and now I feel like it's not either C, it's me. I'm at a point now where, I'm just saturated w/C'ing, DB'ing, and any other 'ing you can think of. I need a break. I'm going to get a beer, put my feet up and read a sci-fi book. I haven't done that in more than a year.
Quote: I'm going to get a beer, put my feet up and read a sci-fi book
I've been reading fiction like it's going out of fashion and I have to say I think it's better than the purest meditation. You can lose yourself in a book for hours and it sure as hell beats thinking about your spouse and your separation and all the crapola that is going on in the rest of your life.
Go for it. Enjoy every page - and every sip of beer - (I'm on my 3rd glass of wine for the night and I feel not one ounce of shame). Take care Jabez. You are healing and it's fantastic.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
I think it's good to take a break from introspection now and then. Thinking about this stuff so much can make us crazy, lol. I agree that you seem to be healing Jabez. There's a different tone to your posts now. I'm glad for you. I'm sure your days are still far from easy. So, what exactly is your situation now? Can you do a current recap?
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
