I've been in hibernation from the BB but have been thinking about you. Well you're not the only one that has been in hibernation mode. Like the groundhog, I'm only peeking my head up briefly and it may be another six weeks before I get back.
Am I right in thinking there is a new CAW-KAW connection? Yesiree Bridg ... there definitely is!
Last time I checked in on you, you were doing determined distancing -- dropping that rope -- moving on.
Did your actions represent Last Resort Technique? I suppose you can say that ... frankly, I was tired of the hurt I was going thru, so I figured I need the space for myself. She took it as I was turning away.
Did you go dark after you wrote your letter? (Did you ever give her that letter?) The event that made me decide to go dark also made me felt I had to write the letter, but I never it gave it to her. After a few days, I realized I need to write the letter to sort out how I felt and how I felt was strickly about me and has nothing to do with her, so there was no longer a need to give her the letter.
What happened to make CAW want to move home? In classic DB fashion, as she admitted to me afterwards, when she moved out, she couldn't stop thinking about me all day long and she got to missing me ... but when for the first time she felt like she could lose me in her life, it forced her to make a choice and she knew with conviction that choice was to be with me. Then she got scared I wouldn't want her back and that made her even more miserable.
Was it hard to let her? Well, Bridget, after three years of her going around in circles, its was tough to believe there is strength in her conviction, but in knowing my goal is to live a happy life with this woman, than I had to take a leap of faith on trusting in the sincerity of the feelings and thoughts she expressed.
Did you lay down conditions? Well I didn't climb a mountain to write ten commandments in stone for her, but I did make sure she perfectly understood that I will never tolerate again what I had gone through for the past three years ... specifically the EA/PA. The only ground rule I put forth was that she can't no longer shut me out when something is bothering her based on how she thinks I will react. She needs to allow me to make that choice instead of her doing it for me. Its a tough pattern to break but I think this is one where my consistancy in change has made some huge inroads. Its still uncomfortable for her ... obviously still fearful in awakening the old beast, but she has been making some gallant efforts since moving back and my new ways are gradually putting her at ease.
Are you guys in counselling? No, after our last couple of experiences with C's, neither of us are fans of C in general. I think Michelle is a rare gem ... perhaps that one in a million.
What are your recommendations for other LBSs? Oi, gonna put me on the spot here, huh!? After nearly three years of posting on this bb, to sum it up I guess it would be ... "To live with the conviction that only you can make the difference in your life and you do it be deciding to make today a better day than yesterday and life will get better."
Are U happy? I will save this one for my next post.
Are U keeping a journal? No. Believe it or not, the only place that I have been inspired to express my thoughts in words or to journal is on this bb. Its truly out of character for me!
Are U wearing your rings? Yes. Both of us ... and from the moment I said yes to her question of do I want her back, she has worn hers every day.
How are the girls? I will answer this one too in the next posting.
Gee, seems I have a lot of questions for you. Bridget, after all this time, I consider you (and a few others here) like family, so ask away. I'm sorry that I've been so recluse lately that you had to ask?
I am proud of you and your success, you know. Awww ... shucks! Thanks and it goes likewise too. You do know you are a big success yourself in all that you have done for yourself in the last couple of years and that you have been a true inspiration for me in getting to a point where I could accept ... I'd be just fine without CAW if that would be the way it turned out.
I continue to send you positive regards, always. ... and you always have my well wishes each and every day.
And ginger cookies. Its a good thing virtual food isn't fattening
Ahhh ... a quiet night at work. Something of a rarity of late. The position has transformed so dramatically, that is no longer has any of the qualities I used to enjoy about it. After a year, I have finally come to terms that the only way to improve upon my current job is leave my employer of 20 years and pursue the position that I enjoyed for some many years prior to this last one. Scary ... leaving an employment that has provided the bacon for so long, but when I look ahead ... I still have 20 years to go and I have no desire to contunue upon the current path. So, I've started getting my name out there.
... but that's not what you folks what to hear!!!
Despite all the stresses at both her employment and mine, we've been doing great. We've still have had some ups and downs, but the patterns of the past three years have been not just broken but shattered! As is typical for this time of year, CAW started to slip into her depression, but this time she dealt with it differently. She recognized it and looked inward and made the choice of to focus on the positives and our m and our family has certainly benefited from that which in turn created in greater positives. There are still days where she still struggles, but she doesn't withdraw like she use to. Instead she's been seeking the our companionship. That is one of the biggest differences from years past.
At the same time, the stresses of my employment are a constant reminder to me of how lucky I am to have my family life intact and there to support me ... and where I use to take that for granted ...
I now express my appreciation of it to them EVERY day and is definitely a main ingredient to making each day better for all of us!
Speaking of the girls, the little one (D11) is doing great. There definitely has been a positive shift in her attitude in the past six months compared to this time last year. Having the best year in school ever. Change from playing the trumpet to the flute and played a duet in a concert just 4 weeks after changing. Has recently joined the chorus and is nearing completion of her science fair project, which has been keeping all of us busy.
Can one have a MLC at 19? If so, I think D19 is caught in its clutches! Seriously, it looks like she is still very confused as to which direction she wants her life to take. She quit her job. Is taking leave from school and has called off her engagement and wanted to break off the R all together and was looking to move ... perhaps to S.Carolina where her grandparents live. She even started directly her attention to another guy (EA) altho she kept insisting they're just friends. I was quite surprised how expressive CAW was about how appalled she was over the way D19 was "carrying on" with this new guy. It felt pretty reassuring to me to know she felt that way now after pursuing what she called ... a "friendship" for three years.
Step-D23 is still living with us, which is proving to be more of an issue of confrontational avoidance than CAW had expected ... but that is her issue to deal with S-D23 ... altho I'm there to validate her concerns, but I will not play interference again. As a step forward, S-D23 just acquired her own mode of transportation a couple of days ago, so we have now regained our freedom of mobility once again. This was putting a big crimp on CAW's PMA of late.
Thanks for all well wishes about my surgery. It went fine (at least according to the doc!). The only anxious moment I had was when I foolishly said yes when he asked if I wanted to see what it looked like after removed the cancer. It was a huge crater in my left cheek. Now I have this thin scar line run down my cheek, which the doc promises will fade in a year's time, but its far better than the quarter-size discoloration/scar that was there before.
I only thing I miss now, is having some of that "spare" time I had to spend on this bb. I have met a great bunch of folks here and I wish I'm able to stay in touch more ... but I'm hoping I can settle in soon into a fairly calmer phase as I strive to make each day better than the last ... but let me say here and for the record ...
DBing has worked in turning my life around for the better and while I still have a ways to go to have the life I want for myself ... I am far happier now that I have been in a very long, long, long time ... and I want to thank each and everyone of you who have helped me get here. I know I would be where I am now if it weren't for the help of the kind folks here!!!
As for taking your family for granted, I think that it is a circular thing. Whether you start by taking your family for granted, or whether they start taking you for granted, it all ends up with losing appreciation for the most important aspect of your life.
To be honest, I think it's good to take each other for granted; to a degree.
Family, and especially your SO are there to support each other. It's the way it's supposed to be.
But when things are hard on one person, it touches the other. So things are hard for both. Then who is supposed to support whom?
CAW lost sight of the real KAW. I don't think you truly took her for granted. You only took for granted that she knew how you feel about her.
I don't think you lost your appreciation of her. You just stopped showing it. Then she stopped seeing it. Then she didn't even want to see it.
So now, you have an opportunity to let the "real" KAW shine through, and she's receptive to seeing the real KAW.
Hey KAW! Thought I was seeing ghosts on my thread, LOL!
I am so happy to read that (as I suspected) you & CAW are moving forward together and fixing the inevitable "bumps in the road" with brand new (and skilled from practice) tools.
I can almost hear you smiling in your post. And that is just great.
On the career front, follow your gut on this. Do what will fulfill you more, what you are most happy doing, what best uses your best skills. If that's a step back to another post that offered that-- DO IT. We spend far too much time "making our livings" not to be making them serve a bigger purpose in our lives... whatever that purpose may be for each of us.
Hey KAW. I dont post that much anymore but I wanted to check in with you and say how happy I am for your sitch. Good for you and I wish you and CAW further success. Dont see much of that around here so its nice to see at all. Take care and keep up the good work! JIM
Hi KAW - What a wonderful update I guess the motivation to change things on the work front in entirely consistent with a conviction that we ultimately have to decide how we want to live.
I'm so happy thinks are going well at your end. Wishing you only the best.
You guys really seem to be back on track and on a really promising path. I'm so pleased to read about CAW's deliberate choice to see things in a more positive light than to engage in "more of the same" behavior.
That alone must be very encouraging for you!
Good luck with all the parenting issues. Somehow, I think you'll do just fine.
Hugs!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
After nearly three years of posting on this bb, to sum it up I guess it would be ... "To live with the conviction that only you can make the difference in your life and you do it be deciding to make today a better day than yesterday and life will get better." 
Thanks and it goes likewise too. You do know you are a big success yourself in all that you have done for yourself in the last couple of years and that you have been a true inspiration for me in getting to a point where I could accept ... I'd be just fine without CAW if that would be the way it turned out. 
