I would like to also stress that just because D has been filed, don't give up (if it's not what you want). I understand your financial situation is worrying you right now but don't totally give up on your M either.
My H filed for D in June and now, with our 4 month waiting period almost up, H is starting to talk about working things out (even though he hasn't ended his R with OW yet ) but I'm holding on to hope. My A wanted to draft up a settlement agreement and send to H's A but I explained that H and I were talking a little and that H had told me he was going to postpone any court dates to give us more time. My A said that was wierd because there won't be any court dates until a settlement has been worked out. My A and I agreed on doing a partial settlement, just on the visitation/custody part but when A calls me to tell me it's ready, I think I will have him just hold on to it for awhile. I'm afraid that any pushing and H will get mad. H actually filed for D because I filed for child support. It was enough to make him mad and file for D (H has a terrible temper which is part of our problem - he acts before he thinks and then has to deal with the consequences ).
I'm still in separated board (refuse to come here yet as I refuse to give up) named something like H seeing OW but says he wants to get back together. Some people, including my A, believe H is playing both sides of the fence. I have to believe that H just does not want to hurt OW's feelings (he works with her also) and I believe H wants OW to be the one to end R so he doesn't look like the bad guy at work. It's hard for me to understand but I hold on to that belief.
Also, my A told me that H's A would probably just let this D sit on his desk as long as he could because the longer I'm paying all the bills and making payments on the house, the better it is for them. I'm paying down the liabilities so there's less for H when D is final and I'm creating more equity in the house - and in my state (WI), H is also entitled to half of any retirement etc so that amount is going up the longer H's A holds off.
So, what I'm trying to say is don't give up on your M totally if it's not what you want. Stranger things have happened. Hang in there.
Well wife just called and wants me to give up Tuesday vistiation "for now" as my D9 supposedly doesn't want to go and it is hard on W to get them settled. She "wants me to think of the kids". I told her that I was and wanted to see them as often as I could. Ialso reminded her that she chose this D not me. I still wanted to work it out.
W claims that I have been nasty thru this. Truth is I have tried my best to not be. She has been in the hospital and I went to see her and see how she was doing. I even brought the kids by during my visitation, as they hadn't seen her for a couple of days. That was a couple of weeks ago. Since then, she has gone back to what I call her "Darth Vader" mode. She even left files and an empty file cabinet in the driveway for when I came back from taking S4 to breakfast last week.
I wish I knew what her problem is; but I can't be concerned about that right now. I am in the fighting mode to make sure that I and the kids, as well as W, make out as best as possible in this type of sitch.
Obviously, she isnt thinking straight. So, I have to do it for all of us!!!
I am surprised to hear that property owned before marriage is considered joint property after marriage. Are you sure? Is this in your state's divorce laws . Maybe you should consult a lawyer specializing in constitutional law to help you find a way to to retain ownership of your home.
Well, for the past week, we have actually been communicating??? My W says she just wants to get along. I told her that whle we are waiting out the school year, we have an opportunity to see if we can work things out. She first said that wasn't why she was getting along.
Then, she did admit that some people do over time work things out; but that she couldn't go back to how it was before. I don't want it that way either; but she just won't TRUST that it could be better
How do you work on the possiblity; but not push her???
I would rther save the M while there is still a few months left before the D; but not surehow I can give her the impression that it could work???
Anyone know how we could regain each others Trust befor it's too late???
Well, house is up for sale...Talked to her recently and she does not want to try...Sometimes I think she is doing this because she is trying to achieve control in the situation and for no other reason???
I get confused...She tells me things and allows me to touch her ..(for example a month ago I was at the house and we were talking to the kids and she stopped short in the hallway and I was behind her and I rubbed her back massaging it for at least 15 minutes with no "leave me alon"???
On Tuesday, we are talking and I notic she has a stiff neck she tells me where and I touch that area and no stop it??? Then we are walking and she has some money for my daughters dance recital tickets in her back pocket...I make a joke and then I reach in to her back pocket as if to grab the money; but I gently squezze her butt...I know not good DB; but no complaints from her either???)
How does someone who wants to divorce you and doesn't want to be with you allow that??? I would be like "Leave me alone and don't do that!!!"
Also, I notice she wears her mothers ring on her left hand ring finger???? What is up with that??? Looks like her old wedding band...Am I just grasping or is there some significance??? I know right now it is headed for D; but even if D goes through, I wonder if I should keep trying???
Hi T sorry to hear about your sitch, it takes along time to actually emotionally seperate I found in many cases. It is a long, slow, and painfull process. I found the easiest on me was to have as little contact with the X as possible. Sounds like your having some confussion over your feelings, it will all sort it's self over time. Look after you and your children first and foremost, take care. C.
spitfire, I am confused, as I still love her and my kids and I think she is screwed up and will someday regret what she is doing...That is what makes it so hard...Alos, I feel like I cannot move on until we finalize the D...It is killing me, as I have met 3 women who have expressed interest in me...They are cute and nice; but there are a few superficial things that stop me from pursuing them...I know I need time; but I just don't want to move on and then find out she made a mistake...Yeah, I know, that is her problem; but I love my kids and even her...Would rather keep my family intact if possible...(Biggest issue: Anyone new might make me happy; but they will never be the mother of my children and that sucks)
) but I'm holding on to hope. My A wanted to draft up a settlement agreement and send to H's A but I explained that H and I were talking a little and that H had told me he was going to postpone any court dates to give us more time. My A said that was wierd because there won't be any court dates until a settlement has been worked out. My A and I agreed on doing a partial settlement, just on the visitation/custody part but when A calls me to tell me it's ready, I think I will have him just hold on to it for awhile. I'm afraid that any pushing and H will get mad. H actually filed for D because I filed for child support. It was enough to make him mad and file for D (H has a terrible temper which is part of our problem - he acts before he thinks and then has to deal with the consequences 
).
