Merrick - It continues to amaze me the level of your persistence and commitment to improving yourself and walking this path of self improvement. No matter how bad it stinks.
Take care of yourself. You are a good guy.
BTW - Isn't seeing a triple play live about as rare as a WAW stating their commitment to reconciliation?
You said it Seattle and I said it somewhere in my thread. It just seems that it is very rare for a woman to "walk back". I don't want to discourage anyone...because you never know what can happen, but, statistically speaking, it appears to be the exception.
Hey guys, I'm back from agreat week. I'll try to check in with y'all when I have a chance, but I was happy to hear from Seattle and that Karen is doing well.
While it seems like eons ago, W returned from the beach last Saturday and the rest of the weekend was the most toxic ever between us. After some mild efforts to reach an interim agreement on out sitch, I took all my "friendly" DBing over the past year and tossed it aside when she began pursuing me and let her know that since I have hired in response to her chosen path, my attorney will handle all my issues and if it takes $20,000 and a judge to decide our fate, so be it. Rather than validate her claims of "abuse," I told her to stuff it and that the real one in this R who has been abused is me--and all of our friends know it. Basically, I pulled a four-year old's routine--"I know you are, but what am I?" Fight fire with fire, right? We couldn't even stay in the same room for more than 15 seconds.
We had virtually no contact for the week as I handed the phone to my kids when she called and I called for them.
As for the trip, what a blast. The kids did great even though I probably pushed them as hard as they've been pushed on a trip in their lives.
Our final destination was my aunt/uncles farm in southeast Ohio 500 miles away, but we ddi it via the Little League World Series, Niagara Falls, Cleveland to see our visiting Yankees, and a return through Pittsburgh and another ballgame meeting good family friends from DC (my poor girls) and Hershey, PA. Aside from typical sibling bickering (and being together seven straight days), they had a blast and really did not complain once about the trip. In fact, this was a trip I never could have done with W who would have complained half the time--especially about one true rathole hotel we experienced on our first night. Her complaining would have trickled down to the kids who would have whined as well. Instead, the kids laughed about the rathole, and got a stiff upper lip at other tiring times and we moved on.
When we got home, I made no eye contact with W other than to ask her who was taking care of our kids while she worked this week.
Like I said, I'll try to check in with others, but I have a crazy week ahead. I'm with the kids tomorrow as W works and I now have an immediate work project that requires my fullest attention--and the GOP Convention is in town with a few events for me to attend. Right now, I don't give a rat's a$$ about W or this M.
((((((((((())))))))))))))) Glad to see you had a blast on vacation. Yeah, I'm still hanging in there and thinking of you as well.
In regards to your backsliding...you've held that higher status for so long that it's bound to drop eventually. Not to fret over, you're still a top dog! Hang tough dude and do what ya gotta do!!! Tootles............
Sorry about your feeling toward your W. We all have limits. If we are pushed and pushed, one day it is bound to explote. It is important that the affect to the kids are minimized.
Hope you will be OK with your coming unpleasant situation.
I know. I know. Must have been the anticipated travel route of going through Buffalo that got your feathers in a ruffle. The smell of chicken wings and taste of Genesee screamers is enough to send anyone to the luny bin!
Believe me, I don't think I would have held it together knowing that I had to spend a good half hour fighting those NY thruway toll booths.
Glad to see you made it out though and had a great trip.
You know Merrick, i can relate to where you were at. So much tongue biting, so much validating, so much effort, with only hostility and negativity in return. Ugh. It builds up and then explodes all at once. Happened to me. Happened to you. And it will happen to someone else.
Its hard to avoid these things, especially when it is us who sees that "you know, the problem is not me here". But they are done none the less.
I am happy to see that you have not carried this around with you. Space is what she wants, space is what she gets. Little does she know that you giving her space benefits you, cause it gives you time to work on the things you need to do, concentrate on the things that are really important (the kids and you).
So, you blew a gasket. Step back, assess, replace the gasket and continue on in your DB journey pal. You know the way!
Triple J
Things were different then. All is different now. I tried to explain, somehow..........
Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam)
Merrick, it's good to see you back. I'm sorry you came home to such poison.
Maybe standing up to her is a 180 for now, since you've been doing all that validating (right? )... can't say your responses were quite of the generation you belong to, but I don't think they were so horribly out of line.
Anyway, I'm glad you had such a great time with the kids, and that you were spared the complaints of alien mom.
Have fun at the GOP events... don't get trampled by a protester
Got your voicemail yesterday, and I've been wanting to write you and KAW but that pesky connection... I'll write you an e/m sometime today.
Know what? I have absolutely NO whacks for you on how you handled your W. Actually, I think it's a 180 for you and it must have felt pretty good to be able to do a little work on the offensive. There comes a time when it's all you can do to keep those arms from swinging and lose the battle.
And I doubt it's going to hurt your cause either.
Glad to hear you and the kids had a great time! You guys really deserve that, and hopefully there will be more chances to do those sort of things in the future.
Big hugs to you, special one.
Bets
p.s. I got my 1st Liguorian issue in the mail yesterday. It's well worth every penny of it...
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Hey y'all. All of a sudden I need 36 hour days. I have some intense projects at work, I am beginning to put together a more succint written summary on my M history, separation goals, and net worth statements for my lawyer (FYI--these materials can help save legal expenses by minimizing Q&A sessions with your L). And I seem to have 9 million projects around the house. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
On the M front, it has been relatively quiet since my return. I have tried very hard to stay clear of W and she has not pursued me. On Monday, we got into a biot of a tiff as I inquired about going to D6's next Dr. appt. W asked why I wanted to do this now and whether I thought she was doing a bad job or whether my L told me to do this? I said no, but the circumstances were such that I planned on taking a more active role. She kept asking why? why? why? and I said the division of labor is different now and that she should anticipate my desire for more input in many prior day-to-day decisions that she previosuly assumed to herself on her own.
Yesterday, I had many GOP convention related events to attend (Jennifer in Brooklyn--thanks for not spitting on me in protest! ). At one evening party organized by a good friend, I had the pleasure of bumping into OM. But rather than having him thrown out, I gave him a courteous, but curt and distant hello. Chalk one up for patience!!!
Today was D (now 9) birthday and I met up with W, the kids, and various in-laws at an amusement park. Other than mandatory items, I don't think I said more than three words to W and continued to stay clear. So I survived another day at home with minimal new damage. As DB Coach Laurie once observed, total backoff may be my best approach short of leaving.
Amazing how you handle the meeting with the om. I haven't met the om since I found out the truth 2 years ago. I am not sure whether I will be so civilized like you did. Maybe I lose control. Who knows.
Avoiding confrontation before S is probably the best option. Try to continue DBing, even by giving space to your W. I wish you well.
)... can't say your responses were quite of the generation you belong to, but I don't think they were so horribly out of line.
Bets
). At one evening party organized by a good friend, I had the pleasure of bumping into OM. But rather than having him thrown out, I gave him a courteous, but curt and distant hello. Chalk one up for patience!!!