Well dang. Starting thread Number 6...I predict this will go beyond 10. Sheesh!
Today's lesson (from my DB coach Joann): Make her do some of the work.
My wife's emails have always been really businesslike and almost 'cold'. Today, we swapped about a dozen emails, I purposely kept my replies polite and short, like she often does, just to see if she would respond differently. Interestingly, hers became more wordy and friendly in tone. This is no BS, it amazed me as it was happening. Now, I know that this could just be a blip, but it seemed as if my backing off made her 'come to me', just a little.
I just got off the phone with W. She was very sweet, and at the end, she thanked me for the call. It was 100% small talk, and was really nice. I think that, for us, it's important to stay in touch - with small talk, no mention of R.
We are going out for dinner tomorrow after work, then to a wine event. More chance to just relax and hang out with her. Show her what a great guy I have become, and let her get the feeling that she can once again be safe and happy with me.
Wish me luck, team.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
Good luck Mink I tried letting my wife due some of the work and all she told me was i wasent acting interested so why would she want to come home. im glad its working for you. she realy seems to be coming around but this time your tsking it a lot slower and thats good for both of ya.
good luck Mink. Don't it feel great after a convo with a coach. I spent and hr with my Psyc yesterday. It was great. He said I will know when it is time to go.
It definitely does. Continue to take it slow and let her lead. This is the only path back.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
The wine event was really nice last night. We went for dinner first, and she brought up R talk...I went along for the ride. It was good; once again I told her that if we reconciled, I don't want to do it cold turkey, I would prefer that we ease into it. She said she was still on the fence, but leaning toward an eventual reconciliation...she just doesn't know when. She asked if we should have a timeline. My opinion is "no", because it's a form of pressure, so we left it hanging for now. She asked if getting back together was definitely my goal...I tensed, but said "yes, even though I have detached myself from the sitch, I do still see us trying again". She said "so you would be upset if I decided not to come back". I said I wasn't going to lie...of course. But either way I will be fine. She told me everyone she knows thinks I am a great guy and that it is so weird that we are apart, since we are a 'model couple' in so many peoples' eyes.
Oh well. So I wait.
After the wine tasting event, I was not able to drive, so I stayed at her place. We agreed, no sex, it complicates everything. So of course, we ML like mad demons, wow, it was incredible. We woke briefly at 2:00am, talked and cuddled. Fell back asleep, woke at 6:00, she cuddled into me with my arm around her. She said "I feel so protected". I said "That's not a bad thing".
I left and came to work, and here I am....
I was uneasy with how we talked R a LOT. But I think overall it was a good night. Have we moved closer to reconciling? No clue...one day at a time.
A R talk initiated by YOU is usually a no-no but a R talk by her is out of your control. To not go along with the talk would have been slightly obnoxious I think. Even though you did have an R talk it seems there was no pressure by you and it appears she really respects your honesty.
What's your next step?
Also when do you expect to hear back from the band audition?
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
MM i dont know how you are cdoing it my friend. if my W would let me be in your sitch but STILL said she wasent ready i would be insane. with the ML and the cuddeling and the dates its like you M in everything but word right now. i truly envy you mink i realy do.
Hi Jen. I heard back from my audition, even though I rocked the house, they passed on me No worries, I have another audition tonight. You can't lose 'em all!
Next step with my sweetie? Let her lead the way for now. We are spending tomorrow evening together, we have some bank stuff to do. Also, this weekend we are emptying out our boat, which is for sale. So maybe there will be more talks. We'll see....
