W called tonight, I just got off the phone 2 minutes ago. She doesn't want to work on the marriage anymore. Says she checked out years ago. Too much time thinking about how to get out, for us to have any chance at all.
This is not good. I feel like utter and complete crap.
She says that, despite the incredible times we had a couple of weeks back, she is not in love with me.
She says that if she moved back in without being "in love" with me, it would be unfair to us both.
Just when I thought it was going well.
It will be interesting to see what my DB coach says about this.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
It's no more of an uphill battle now than it was yesterday. You DB, she reacts or not, nothing's changed. Still might work, still might not. But it seems your best chance.
I understand, Mink, just reminding you that there really wasn;t a change, just a change in what she said, which isn't really a big deal.
Look, there's a lot of thing it could mean. One real possibility is that she was afraid things were going to fast, and she isn't sure enough inside herself that that is what she wants. So what better way to slow things down! Jut remember, you have to take it slow too! I wonder if you got too enthusiastic when things felt better, and scared her off a bit? I really don't know, and I haven't read your thread all the time, so I don't want to guess. So, just get back to basic DBing, no expectations, and see what happens!
While I certainly understand your feelings (and would be feeling them too) there's a very good chance that this is two steps forward, one step back. Think about it, you're in a place you've been before. Just keep doing what worked before. You've nothing to lose by keeping your cool.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Very true. This time you know what to do and how to do it. She may be worried that the changes she sees aren't real. She may be scared of what lies ahead. She may be having a hard time saying she was wrong. Or she may simply mean what she says. But, IMO, you've just gotta keep fighting the good fight. Don't give in, don't give up your ideals, your morals and your convictions.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Sorry to hear about this latest twist on things. When you are feeling up to it, maybe you can share more with us as to what happened / what she said. This must be really hard right now, since I know how good things were looking. More than that, the kind of reconnection you've been describing for the last couple of weeks sounds quite genuine and heartfelt on both your parts. This makes me think that something--like fear--has triggered this apparent 180 for her. I'm thinking like some other posters are suggesting that this could be that BECAUSE things were feeling positive, it just freaked her out that it was moving fast. The idea of actually moving back together was probably daunting. Who knows--maybe she had a dream or something or it all just overwhelmed her for a bit and she panicked and told you this.
Remember, you are still in DB mode!! Everything you've done to get to this point is still totally valid. I'm not convinced this is it...there are some other pieces missing here. Keep us posted and hang tight. We're here for ya.
