OK, time for a long post. We'll see if anyone reads it.
Once again it's been awhile, and my last thread is over 100...AGAIN. So I guess it's time to update. (This last one lasted almost a year though, so maybe that's progress)
Let's see. This is my 4th thread in Piecing..OK, who's counting? But in keeping with my somewhat on again-off again tradition, I've once again stolen a line from a post Charles made on my thread...Thanks Buddy!
Last time I started a thread I said I felt like we were at a crossroads, that was 11 months ago and we weren't, or we aren't, or maybe I just blinked and missed the turn. I don't know. I guess I keep expecting to wake up one morning and think, "Hey, we made it!" but it hasn't really been that way. More like watching grass grow...then you lose interest and the next time you check, it needs to be mowed. (Ok, not my best analogy)
-Married 24years (25 next week!) -3 Kids, S23,D22,S19. -Separated Aug99 because of job. We wanted kids to stay put to go thru H.S.
-Nov 01 Six months before I'm due to come back W says she doesn't want me to come back. Doesn't want to stay married. She literally can't talk to me w/o screaming. (I'm such an idiot, I thought things were going pretty darn well right up to this point.)
-Dec 01 Called in some favors and tell her I can move back in Spring 02 instead of Summer. She says she definitely wants a divorce.
-Apr 02 Get back home, she goes to stay w/friends. I ask her to not get D until we've had a chance to work it out now that I'm back.
-May 02 read DR then DB, start applying principles. W still not talking to me. I find out about her affair. Evidently started sometime summer or fall of 01.
-Jun 02 I ask if she wants it to work. I'll try if she stops affair. I think this is when we had our first civil conversation since Nov 01.
-Aug 02 Finally give up and tell her I'll give her D. Now she says she doesn't want one. Says A is over and she just needs more time. Still staying w/ a friend.
-Oct 02 W comes home says she wants to try. The next day says she can't do it and she's found an apt. Leaves again mid-Oct. Total stay approx 10 days.
Jan 03: Says she needs more time. Leave her alone.
Mar-Apr O3: Starts poking her head out of the fog. Showing some interest. She makes plans to return to Ohio with me and the kids for my sister's wedding in June.
May 03: I see her with her old "friend" she swears it was nothing. I say I'm done and will start the D. She says she plans to move back home after the trip to Ohio if everything goes well between us.
Jun 03: Trip goes well. W says "Well I didn't mean I'd move home right away!" Suggests MC.
Jul 03: Frequent contact. Actually have a date. Seem to have a good time together although most contact centers around the kids and their activities. Third MC appointment, I'm upset with W distancing herself a little so she says "I don't care if we are married or not." I walk out. She claims not to have remembered saying that. Begs me to "hang in there."
Aug 03: I'm still a sucker. Waiting around. She keeps saying she's "almost ready" to reconcile. Says we'll try MC again...but she hasn't lifted a finger to progress toward those goals...
Oct 03: I get tabbed for a 2-3 month long trip for my job, W says "OK, I'll come home while you are gone and we'll talk about things when you get back." Didn't ask me just decided on her own. (Not that it would have made any difference...LOL)
Nov 03: W moves in the day before I leave. Actually doesn't get everything out of her apartment until the day after I'm gone.
Nov 03 thru Jan 04: W is at home, some minor incidents w/the kids. She gets frustrated and frequently takes it out on me over the phone when I call. They did all get together for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year.
Jan 04: I return. She's still here, but doesn't want to talk about anything yet. She spends some time with me, but usually when it involves the kids.
Feb 04: W announces that she made a new appt w/therapist. She wants to get past all this resentment she's been carrying around. Things seem to be stabilizing a little bit. She really starts working on her depression. ADs, but still not a lot of progress. We'll see.
Jun 04: Work moves us again. This time to Missouri. W does come along, although I'm skeptical up until the last minute. Things are still rocky and frankly, I'm getting tired.
Sep 04: Things have been real tense. But W started seeing another C in the new town. Mostly, it seems like I'm the one that is dissatisfied with how everything is going.
Oct 04: We do marriage counseling with mixed results. This lasts until Dec. The holidays are fun.
Jan 05: JAN 05?!?!?! What the heck?
So now, here we are. Things are OK, but still feels a lot like limbo sometimes. W is generally doing much better but still on ADs. She is finally going to go back to work next week at a new job. I think it will help to get out of the house. And Spring is right around the corner.
The kids, at least the two youngest, seem to be OK with everything. YS decided that he didn't like the college he went to and is living with us at home. (Goodbye scholarship). D calls almost every night.
OS is coming back from Iraq soon but plans to stay in Texas. He still doesn't talk to W much after everything that happened and I know that hurts her.
As for us, well we are still here. Still plodding along as I said last year. A lot of things are better...some things are almost normal, but there is a lot of water under this bridge.
Anyway, we'll see what happens. In the meantime, I've started a new thread. And still in Piecing.
Gosh, JS - even though I've been here with you through all of this - it's something to see it all down on one page! I'm thinking of nominating you for sainthood! Certainly you've had the patience of one!
Trust me, I'm no saint. Although you are a sweetheart
If I had more patience maybe this would all be sunshine and roses by now...or more sense and it wouldn't have started in the first place. Who knows. You play the hand you are dealt.
Been a while so I thought I'd drop in. I've lurked from time to time and try to check up on old friends. Hope everyone is doing well.
Things are OK here on the home front. The thaw continues, but as usual everything seems harder than it should be. Michelle really ought to highlight that a little better. Sometimes this is a pain.
W has a full time job, finally, that she really seems to like. She was getting kind of hard to put up with there for a while. Now she has something to look forward to everyday.
Kids are pretty much the same. D only has one more year of college and is on a pretty even keel. Says she'll be up to visit in the summer. OS is back from Iraq, still in Texas, having a good time. He talked YS into coming back down there and "hanging out" with him a couple of months ago. Of course, neither of them have a steady job but they still manage to pay the rent and find women so from their point of view life is all roses. As it should be, I guess. I must of did something wrong as a kid. I just remember working a lot.
Anyway, W and I continue to try to figure this out. Good days, great days and still a few bad ones, but we manage. I'll let y'all know if there are any new updates.
Hi there, Hon!!!! How great to hear from you Now - here comes the velvet 2 x 4 - what are you doing these days to work on being a better you? What exciting new projects, classes, hobbies, workouts - what? One thing about Piecing - you can't drop all that GAL stuff.
Glad your kids are all doing well. We're sending my oldest off to Berkeley this fall - lucky boy. The other two - well, right now I'd be happy just to get them through high school without pregnancies, major auto accidents, or heroin addiction. I had life so easy with my first born!!
Always the taskmaster! Well, we accomplished all of those goals with the kids. I was especially worried about the pregnacy and heroin addiction too. But they all survived high school and got into college. The two boys didn't stick it out though.
They still say they want to go back, but are too pre-occupied with having fun right now. We'll see. They aren't leeching off me and still seem to be fairly well adjusted so I'm OK with that for now.
I'm doing OK. Actually, I've been pretty busy. W and I go out to dinner a few times a week. She jokes that all she makes for dinner anymore is reservations. We visit family or have someone visit here at least once a month. Been a long time since we lived this close to anyone. Work is going great and I'm working on a couple of home improvement projects.
Overall, not too bad. I manage.
I've been following your thread. The kids will always be a challenge but you are doing pretty well too it seems. Just deal with crises as they arise.
Just dropping in to check up and catch up. Hope everyone is doing OK...or at least as well as can be expected.
I do have a couple of updates. YS got tired of hanging out with his older brother, or at least his money ran out. He couldn't find a job and decided to trek back up here to live with Mom and Dad for a while...again. Says he wants to go back to school but needs to work this summer.
I think he made a fairly adult decision. Now just have to see how well he follows through. In the meantime, we have another dog in the house (Oh Boy!).
W is determined to keep him in the nest this time. She's already hooked him up with a little girl from her work. She's the same age (19) and YS met her over the weekend. She's pretty cute and has already called him several times, so his fragile ego has been stroked...like that's been a problem!
OS is showing signs of getting his stuff together too. That's good. He's been back from Iraq for about 4 months and is finally getting down to business. Of course, I figure he's starting to run short of funds too, so maybe I'm just overly optimistic.
D is still plugging away. Working and taking summer classes. Wants to graduate by the end of next year, but might have to put in another semester to get all of her credits. Broke up with another boyfriend. She ended it, but was still devastated??? He wants to get back together but she keeps calling Mom and crying about what jerks guys are. What's up with that?
Besides, it's not like I need a lot of help convincing W what jerks guys are. I manage that just fine on my own.
Oh well, it's summertime and it's actually warm enough here to declare "Margarita Season!" So, it's time to get the blender out. Next thing you know, college football will start and the Nittany Lions will be playing.
Certainly you've had the patience of one!