I've been waiting for the right quote to end up in my e-mail inbox (yes, 'tis true, I start new threads when the quotes appear!).
Here it is: The miracle is this--the more we share, the more we have.
- Leonard Nimoy
It feels timely to me...I mentioned feeling a bit sad over the weekend -- totally self-imposed -- and one of the reasons was because I've been somewhat fearful of late -- I could even feel myself closing down/building some barriers with h because I was mildly stuck in the mode of "what if I give it everything I got and I get hurt?". I just wasn't feeling strong at all...mired instead in the notion that I might be truly setting myself up for eventual sadness.
One of the "tools" I've used to reset myself, get back to a more open, loving viewpoint has been "The Mastery of Love" by Ruiz. The book reminds me that the love that I need comes from what I give, not from what I get. I highly recommend the book (and "The Four Agreements" by the same author).
************* Had a great lunch with my brother yesterday. He's such a smart and interesting kid (he's 14). After I got home h and I hung out for a while then went for chinese food and scorpion bowls . We played miniature golf for a bit and then had some ice cream. Quite the decadent and fun evening! h is in total crunch time with school right now so I'm hoping that the evening helped lighten his load a bit (well, brainwise). I'm not sure what else to do besides try to be a fun and non-pressuring companion
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: "Live out of your imagination, not your history."
- Stephen Covey
I, too, love this! I have a couple of possibilities in mind!
Quote: One of the "tools" I've used to reset myself, get back to a more open, loving viewpoint has been "The Mastery of Love" by Ruiz. The book reminds me that the love that I need comes from what I give, not from what I get. I highly recommend the book (and "The Four Agreements" by the same author).
Right! You once told me that if things end up not working out between H and I, at least I would know that I put myself out there. Do it Sage!
BTW: I am so happy that I purchased these books; they are wonderful! Gotta go back and revisit "Mastery of Love". I especially like the chapter on the track of fear and track of love....very fitting to my sitch.
Quote: I'm not sure what else to do besides try to be a fun and non-pressuring companion
I can't even express how much I'm loving not being in school...weekends actually contain free time! Who knew?
Spent yesterday (Saturday) doing errands, hiking (early!) and then visiting my sister and her baby for a few hours in the afternoon. h was still heavily involved in his paper. When I got home he had called it a day so we hung around, watched a bit of tv (Nomar trade ) and then got cozy . I wasn't sure what he was up-for in terms of plans for the evening (stay in? movie?) so I was trying to be accommodating but so was he so we both ended up being sort of indecisive. I did have an eye opening experience...he kept saying "do you mind if we do X instead of Y" -- I was completely personalizing the "do you mind" part -- hearing instead "I think you WILL mind because you are so inflexible but I'm going to ask anyway" so I finally said to h "I'm going to have to stop depersonalizing that sentence because it's driving me crazy" and he said "when I say 'do you mind' I'm already assuming that you won't but I want to ask out of courtesy anyway".
SO...not sure if that made sense to anyone but me but once again I'm reminded that depersonalizing and taking a positive view enhances our communication.
Another thing (probably cryptic to all but me) -- a really big positive in the area of communication -- we're going on vacation next week and we had decided not to take our bikes (h is a bigger and better biker than I am). I told him that I was relieved that we weren't taking them because I find it a big hassle. Well, the next day h said to me "I think I've changed my mind. Do you mind (LOL) if we do take the bikes afterall?" This is a biggie. H knew my feelings but still expressed his even though they were in opposition. I can't tell you how pleased that made me!
Last night h asked me if I loved him. I responded with a yes (of course) and then a list of things I love doing with him. Perhaps he was feeling not so sure? Gotta work on that!
I've been meaning to post for weeks about some thoughts I had on our communication. I had been ASSuming that the most important part of improving it was facilitating h's telling me things (either good or bad). I've realized, though, that yah, it's about that (hearing the good stuff, hearing the bad stuff) but it's also about being able to tell him how I feel (good and bad). I think I've been ignoring how important it is to h that he knows what I'm thinking and feeling. I also think that a major component for him is knowing when I am happy, when I am satisfied and if I'm not, what can be done to change it. Perhaps this sounds like "communication for dummies" but this really is an area that I think we're growing in every day.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I did understand the depersonalize sentence. Maybe because it is a hobby of mine as well.
I have to tell you I depersonalized something that I used to would have got all bent out of shape over Friday and I was even sick. So pleased about that, maybe eventually I'll post it or not.
Have a great Sunday. And keep on making that wonderful progress!
So we'll be missing you next week.
Enjoy the vacation.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
. We played miniature golf for a bit and then had some ice cream. Quite the decadent and fun evening! h is in total crunch time with school right now so I'm hoping that the evening helped lighten his load a bit (well, brainwise). I'm not sure what else to do besides try to be a fun and non-pressuring companion 
) and then got cozy 
so I finally said to h "I'm going to have to stop depersonalizing that sentence because it's driving me crazy" and he said "when I say 'do you mind' I'm already assuming that you won't but I want to ask out of courtesy anyway". 
I can't tell you how pleased that made me!
Maybe because it is a hobby of mine as well.