Ah, a new thread...a place where I, and anyone else who'd like to, can post all the GOOD stuff about finally getting their life back.
It sure as heck's been a long and often devastatingly, painful road to get to where I am today...but ya know what, in retrospect I'm almost thankful for the ride.
I have learned a great deal about myself, some of which I don't like very much.
Prior to the BOMB, I:
Allowed myself to live my life putting everyone and everything else FIRST before my own happiness and needs.
I had become complacent in my marriage and indifferent towards my H. Yep, I took my life for granted.
I denied myself some things that really meant something to me like developing and fostering friendships with gal pals.
Going to the opera, ballet or playing golf etc.
I allowed myself to be inched out of my H's life slowly but surely as he became more and more involved in outside activities and friends that didn't include me.
I allowed myself to become 'isolated' from a social network of my own.
THIS HORRIFIC eye opener of a crisis has given me a new and better perspective of what I NEED and WANT for MY LIFE.
I no longer put ANYONE'S self serving needs/wants before my own.
I speak up and out when I feel that my feelings or position on something is being dismissed by ANYONE.
I relate at least 75% better with my H and refuse to 'egg shell' my way thru my relationship with him.
I have come to realize that M is also a CHOICE for me to make, and whether this one is good for me or not, I WILL DECIDE NOT MY H.
I have come to realize that what my H was ready to throw away with HIS foolish behavior, WOULD have been the greatest loss in HIS life....ME
I like me again...no, I LOVE ME again.
I am worth every ounce of joy that life can offer me and I will let nothing and no one ever stand in the way of my happiness again.
I OWN my life and my choices now, no one else does.
And for all of this, my M is better because I have taken back my 50% of the ownership of it, and have given my H full responsibility for his 50%.
Life after Betrayal..can be better than it was before if you take the lessons learned and GROW from them, whether your M survives the journey or not.
T2
Oh {{{{T2}}}}thank you so much, you don't know how badly I needed to see your post today. You've helped me through so much and to know that you made it through and into/upward to a much improved M/R gives me hope once again.
That I'm not doing this for nothing. Because ya know there are days when I wonder if H and I are even moving or just running in place. This MLC train has got to move forward at some point.
I don't know that it relates to me as much - but I honestly think it might related to my WAS. I hope she comes to the same conclusions. I think she feels that she hasn't been able to develop those friendships because of her focus on US. When she needs to take ownership over her own life and live it to the fullest.
That is what she's trying to do - and I need to respect and understand that. And give her the support she needs. I hope she comes back to me and that we can find that kind of love for each other and for ourselves within our R.
Thank you for these fabulous insights into a person who has truly crossed through the fires and come out the other side a more complete and whole individual.
You are an amazing person and you deserve to be loved by others, but first and foremost by yourself. I was really moved by your post, as were many others. We have all done many of the negative things that you wrote about doing.
Now, many of us need to follow your lead and start doing the positive things that you wrote about.
Thanks, T2...you rock n roll, girl!
PS over 40 days sober today...working on two months now, but taking it one day at a time.
Hugs, Akgal....and you know you are in my prayers.
