Lately, I've been feeling like I've been backsliding.
Being negative, bringing up the past.
Blech. Pbbbttthhhh.
So, it's time for me to refocus on the positives. Get back into the habit of not saying anything if I can't say something positive.
I think the problem is, it's a slippery slope. I began to feel safe enough to address some issues with my Husband. But then I started sliding down the slope and criticizing him again.
Not what I want to do!
So...New thread, new goals!
Get back into the habit of being positive, upbeat, and perky with husband.
1> I will know that I'm closer to my goal when I catch myself biting my toungue instead of bringing up the past.
2> I will know that I'm closer to my goal when I stop and consider whether what I'm about to say will bring me closer to my goal or push me further away.
The answer is...to begin with yes...it was stuff that needed to be addressed.
But more and more lately, it's just been me whining about the past. Most unfair.
I can tell that it's affecting our relationship too.
I've been feeling more depressed because I've been focusing on the negatives of the past.
And he's been feeling attacked and criticized by me.
And he's been working double shifts at work.
Now it could be just a coincidence that he's having to work so much lately.
But I wonder if I'm making work more attractive than home.
Not my goal at all!
And I tend to run on auto-pilot..so it's important for me to cultivate good habits rather than bad ones!
The good news is that I've already taken steps to get back on track!
This weekend, his brother is flying in for spring break. So his Mom invited us down to their town to spend the weekend.
I told Husband that I didn't feel up to it.
(Sheesh...go ahead and smack me!)
Well, this morning...after my initial post..I realized what I was doing wrong. And I called him up and asked him if it was too late for me to change my mind about coming with him to go visit.
He sounded happy!
So, I'll have 4 hours driving time in which to be happy, perky, loving, and attentive.
You are completely right...these issues needed to be addressed and I wasn't doing it right!
That's what the EMDR was helping me with. To take the power of these old memories away so that they are just memories...not alive and present in the present!
And in fact, I think the book, "Not 'Just Friends'" will help with this too.
I told Husband that I had put it on hold at the library. I brought up my Emotional Affair. My friend's Husband and I were working together. I realized one day that our friendship was becoming something more (at least in my mind it was) and I quit my job so that I wouldn't be around him daily anymore.
That was my best solution at the time!
So...I was telling husband that I was very excited about this book as it would help me learn what the signs are. So that I never have to quit my job again! Lol. I told him that I know quitting my job wasn't an appropriate response...but I did it out of fear that I would do something I regreted. I told him this book sounds like it will help me handle this sort of situation in a much more mature fashion in the future!
He said that this sounded like a great book for women. That a man will realize he's on the slippery slope and either get off the slope...or start sliding in earnest.
By the end of our conversation, he said he was interested in reading it after I was finished with it.
So...I hope he does! There's still that one friend of his that I don't trust!
Anyway, I thought it was very cool that he made a broad statement of how no man would read this book..and then 10 minutes later told me that he wanted to read it.
Oh, and speaking of the past, he had told me after I quit my job, that he wasn't sure he'd be willing to do the same thing for us. I brought it up today and he said, "What? I would so totally do that for us!"
He said that he thought I misunderstood him in the past. I told him that I was positive I hadn't misunderstood. He responded, "Well whatever...I would quit my job TODAY if that happened."
I told him that he was such a wonderful husband and was so good at reassuring me.
I hope you don't spend too much time dwelling on why you're holding on to some negative memories. There seems to be a lot of this going on here lately. Maybe we can chalk it up to the pending spring equinox?
After all, spring is a time for rebirth. In order to completely step forward, we have to acknowledge the past and all it had to offer so we can shut the door completely.
You and Monkey are in a really good place right now. Let that door close so you can concentrate only on what is in front of you. You can't change the past, but you CAN change your feelings about it--starting with not giving it any wiggle room and power over NOW.
Just keep smiling! You and Monkey have really come so far! Give that man a hug and consider yourself hugged too.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
