Green leaf on white waters Tossing, turning, dancing lightly On crystal bubbles Though hard currents Past jagged rocks and hungry eddies Carrying in its tiny veins Hope of life Deep into future rivers.
Flickering flame In a paper box Tiny water star Floating past night creatures Lighting passage Beside green leaf Drifting innocently Around blind bends.
Green leaf and paper lantern Flowing softly through time Over white water rapids Different yet equal Leaving thumbprints In the ledger of life Traveling with their allotted time To yet another Soft, lingering Sunrise.
I'm embarking on a new journey and working on reframing my thinking. Although I'm still struggling through a "time of echoes", I feel the need to find some light to guide me through yet another chapter of personal recovery. Even if it's only a dim and flickering paper lantern.
My H and I are eagerly awaiting our trip to Costa Rica this February where we will celebrate our seventh wedding anniversary.
I'm looking for suggestions here as to what I might do on that day in order to acknowledge my H's positive changes and to help raise myself above the voices of the past.
I'm mulling over whether I should write something in regard as to my hopes and feelings of the present and for our future, and perhaps present it to him on our annivesary - which is Valentines Day.
Yes, Jan. is over, but for me, each month is a new chapter of painful memories and new challenges to work through. I cannot ignore the reality of this time period that I find myself going through.
However, it's also a time for new green things to sprout up from the ashes of last year, so I must carefully clear away the debris and nurture this new life. And because I'm still partially living in the past (not willingly) I must tread carefully.
I believe that I am suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome and that makes recovery a little bit more difficult than I had previously anticipated.
I know that this post must sound selfish and petty to those who are still working so hard to pull their R back together again. But I've found that there are others here who have reached the same level of DB success as I, yet they too suffer with simular after-effects. So I take comfort in knowing that I'm not alone and/or just plain looney.
There is "piecing the marriage back together" and then there is "piecing oneself back together".
I'm so glad for those who are able to quickly let go of the past and well enough to move forward more directly and completely. I've got to clear a new path for myself with little more than a pocket knife, so ... it's going to take some time and patience.
And it is healing for me to hear that my story is helping others.
Hang in there and stay positive. Because, as you can see, many wonderful changes can and do happen.
It's funny, but I was just thinking about the last cyber hug you gave me and wondering if I'd be getting another one anytime soon, just before I opened this forum.
Take this as the utmost compliment it is, Jeannine: Yours are the only poems/lyrics that I actually read...that was BEAUTIFUL.....
PTSD is VERY understandable in your sitch, J. Given your propensity for anxiety in general (EGAD another GADer! ), the incredible general stress of the last year (and more), and the traumatic events that took place during the heyday last year...you DO have to be patient.
AND proactive. EMDR has shown great success with some people. The alternate hand tapping is supposed to work on the same principle.
To reprocess the traumatic memories which currently are in a "locked rerun mode" complete with the emotional response of the original incidents.
To actually alter the neural pathways that triggers take in your brain..away from the primitive emotion centres and toward a more normal memory retrieval pattern.
The eye movements and hand tapping are thought to engage both halves of the brain which are not functioning in tandem the way they should when you experience PTSD memories/feelings.
Jeannine, Have you ever read "the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" by Edmund Bourne? I swear it saved my life.
