Quote: We all know how to count calories. What a shame we don't pay equal attention to our mental and emotional intake. We indulge far too many heavy thoughts. We allow in sentimental moods that cause our hearts to swell up dangerously close to bursting point. We don't exercise anywhere near enough discrimination. We become bloated with bad attitudes. The new Moon brings your chance to slim down. You are carrying far too much psychological weight. Lighten up your heart and the rest of your life will swiftly follow suit.
this is gonna be long, i warn you
ok, it's been a long long while since i posted. since before the board went down, and then i couldn't post. then when the board came back up i was out of town on training. best five days i had spent by myself in a long long time. boy did i need that alone time.
first let me explain my title to my thread.
the above is my "horoscope" for today (don't believe in horoscopes so i consider this my MOTIVATIONAL quote for the day). this "horoscope" led me to a final decision that has been on my mind for a week. an answer to the question "do i belong in piecing"? for those of you that know me in my short stint on this board, you will know why i struggled with this question - but now i believe i have found the answer.
shiny's comment
Quote: I think your definition of when you should move to piecing is perhaps too narrow. You may well feel much more like you are piecing before physical intimacy resumes.
has been burning a hole in my psyche for quite a while. and while i suppose i answered her as truthfully as i could at that time, i believe i was lying to myself. i have been hanging on to "sex" as the answer to our problems. that once "sex" resumed, then our marriage would be problem free. thinking on my own for the last week has brought me full circle and i have decided that it is a misconception. there is much more to marriage than "sex" and those are the things that were missing and those are the things we are working on today, so, in essence, we are PIECING.
a discussion with husband last week made it clear that HE wasn't going anywhere. he didn't want ME to go anywhere and he wants us to continue to move forward like we have been doing. he is just not READY for intimacy, but get this, i asked if there could be a bit more AFFECTION and he said by all means yes. he just needed to know that i wouldn't miscontrue his "touching" as anything else but friends AT THE MOMENT. he said he still feels the way he did at the beginning of all this (not IN LOVE), but he wants our friendship to be the best it can be since we are together for the rest of our lives (yes he said that!)
so i am here, now what?
i have become "bloated with bad attitudes" and need to LIGHTEN UP MY HEART. today i started doing that, and the manifestation of my decision is me moving to piecing. i will from now on consider my husband and i as WORKING on our marriage, PIECING it back together, like this LARGE 5000 piece puzzle. starting a puzzle is no easy task. especially one that large. you first try to find all the straight pieces to give you some sort of "boundry" to work within (the db principles are my "boundry") - once you have done that, you generally start putting your puzzle together in stages. ok, there is a red barn in this puzzle so you look for all the red pieces and you spend days putting those pieces together (days, months, whatever) - this is like your one of your goals. the red barn is the goal, but the puzzle pieces are all the steps needed to make that goal happen. you know that you have to SYSTEMATICALLY put those pieces together, not haphazard or it will never work, you fit and fit until you complete that portion, and VIOLA you have the red barn put together
but is that it?
no, you have other aspects of your puzzle to put together, so you concentrate on another goal. another part of the puzzle.
i wont even go into when you complete this puzzle! LOL
so here i am, joining the VETS here in piecing. please remember to be kind to me, cause this is a big step, one i thought i would never get to, but i am here. there is MUCH more to this story then i am offering at the moment - too much to get into, but condensed in small form to let you know WHY i have come to the conclusions that i have
ah sage, so nice to be here sweetie! thank you ever so much for all your support and looking forward to spending time in here putting my marriage back together
Thanks for stopping by and welcome back. Honey, you are the one that sounds great. It must be great to hear you H say that you guys will be together. What a great PMA booster that must be. I really forgot how that little bit of security must feel. I'm so happy for you.
Your analogy about the puzzle is great. To bad our puzzel seems just too big to start on again. On the surface I feel ok with it, but deep down I'm really confused. (more on that later when I post to my thread). But back to you, it's great you guys are working on the affection things, and way to go by asking H for some. At this point set the sex aside for now it will come when the time is right and I'm sure it will be worth the wait
Keep up the good work and welcome back we missed you.
Okay, I'm not generally one to say "I told you so", but KK I TOLD YOU SO!!!
I'm just glad that YOU finally see that you've belonged over here with us all along.
(Pam, you have NOOOO idea how I long for YOU to join us too!!!).
I can tell you for sure that it IS possible to "piece" from where you are at. I don't think CJ would say he is "in love" with me the way he imagines it "should" be...the way it was at the beginning or with the OW .
But we ARE rebuilding our R. We ARE rediscovering the joy in each other's company, we are having signs of renewed "interest".
I think it's a very good idea to move forward with signs of affection. Hugs, kisses, cuddling, sometimes these connect us as much or more than "sex" itself. And it seems rather foolhardy to think that "in love" feelings will suddenly re-emerge out of a "no contact zone"...let it build up, get to know each other again. No pressure, just pleasure and sharing.
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