Wow, how is it that at times, I feel that I was much more self confident and secure during our 8 month separation?
Why is it that all of my previous insecurities have crept back into my mind during the course of us piecing our marriage back together?
These are insecurities that I have always had. These insecurities were present long before the bomb. LONG before my H and I separated and he was with MOW. These insecurities were a huge contributor to the downfall in our marriage in the first place. I do NOT want these insecurities to wreak havoc on my marriage again.
Everyone wonders...why are you so insecure? You're a beautiful girl - you used to model in your 20's - you're a great friend - a great mom - a great wife - you have such a great sense of humor - you are so generous and thoughtful...
I ask myself these questions:
Why do I not love myself? Why do I not see all of those things that have always been said to me? Why do I not believe those things about myself? Instead, I look in the mirror and see an aging 37 year old. Alot of the time I wonder why I am even here.
I ruined our date night Saturday night because of my insecurities. We were out at a fun nightspot, having dinner and then went to the bar for a drink. I felt like my H was looking at every other pretty girl in the bar. So then I opened my big mouth and ruined a good evening by saying "Sometimes I feel like I am not pretty enough for you anymore" and then proceeded to make it worse by saying "since when did you get such a wandering eye?"
Needless to say, we got into a huge argument. Left the bar immediately, drove home, I walked around the neighborhood crying. Came back in the house and then H stormed out, called me 5 mins later and we argued on the phone and then he came back. It was NOT pretty.
H seemed pretty depressed about it all Sunday morning. But things are ok now and back to normal. We haven't talked about what happened again.
How do I stop this insecure BS. I am so sick of it. I need to fix this.
Me: 38 H: 39 DS: 6 DD: 3 Married 7 1/2 years - together for 10 Bomb - 12/17/05 MOW Bomb - 12/25/05 Separated and H adamantly wanted a D: 1/16/06 H moved back: 8/06
are you guys going to MC? sounds like you both need to get lost of things out in the open.
My self stem took a nose dive after my H left, and even as he came back it never really was the same (when he came home he wasn't good in compliments anymore and our SL was just getting back to normal). I found myself comparing my body to any woman around, trying in that way to feel good in some way, to wonder why my H wasn't into me anymore. I look much better than when my H left, yet the insecurities where huge. One wants the men to make you feel like you are enough. And that isnt' the way it should be, it should come from inside. YOU are responsible for your own happiness. If you let your fear rule your mind you will push your H out the door with your own hands. It's ok to feel a bit afraid, but if you act upon any emotion that jumps into your brain you will push your H farther. Men love a confident woman, you were like that before, be that person again. An awesome book is " Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User's Guide for Women", you will learn TONS of what to do as well as to what NOT to do.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Wow! You sound just like me. I am so insecure and it is one of the forces behind H leaving and wanting out.
I can't tell you how to stop feeling how you feel but I know that its better to smile and say nothing than to open your mouth and ruin it. Someone wrote here on the BB that they try and count to 10 before speaking or responding. Of course that helps with speaking when you shouldn't. Have you seen a C about these issues?
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Wow! You sound just like me. I am so insecure and it is one of the forces behind H leaving and wanting out.
I can't tell you how to stop feeling how you feel but I know that its better to smile and say nothing than to open your mouth and ruin it. Someone wrote here on the BB that they try and count to 10 before speaking or responding. Of course that helps with speaking when you shouldn't. Have you seen a C about these issues?
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Fandgmom, I'm a fan of mindfullness exercises to quiet the "spinning" mind. I practice yoga and integrate the mindfullness exercises into my daily life.
The idea is that depression and suffering result from our emotional reactions to unpleasant emotions. We then spin off into self-defeating thoughts and behaviors rather than staying with our emotions and our lives.
The book I draw this from is "The Mindful Way through Depression" by Mark Williams and others.
Coping with the Piecing process involves balancing our lives with responsiblities and recreation, and learning to manage our emotions. I have found these mindfulness exercises to be very helpful. You can integrate them into your daily life without having to add a new activity.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
