Just this evening H and I were talking about this week being a busy one with Valentine's day- busy for me because I decorate cakes and V-day is very busy, also the week of my birthday. Suddenly he blurted out "do you love me?" I said yes, I've loved you for more than 20 years. He said "well I want you to feel loved too". What the heck? I don't 'tell' him ILY because I don't want to put him on the spot. I do say it in emails though. We have slowly been recovering this past year. One year mark for "bomb" is 2/21. Was he telling me something he's not quite ready to put into blunt words yet? Maybe dreams do come true.
LL, to be honest with you I was so taken aback by his comment that i was speechless. Do you think he might have been beating around the bush in telling me that he wants me to feel loved too, just by someone other than him?
What happened to "act as if"? How about assuming he does love you, or is at least working on it. He's been back a year now. Is it getting better?
Realize that this is coming from someone who would die to be in your shoes; who wants all these M's to work out.
You know the drill, keep doing what works, change what's not working. Sometimes hope is all we have, but I think you have a valid reason to have hope. SS
Thanks Sarah, you are so right, I try to "act as if", sometimes I backslide. I know that as far as sits. here go that I am in a better position. Things are better than they were a year ago, I'm just not secure anymore because for so long I thought I was only to find out that it was false. Makes you feel like you were really naive, you know? Thanks for stopping by, how are you? Lisa
Lisa, This is your thread, so let's keep it at that. To answer your question, I will be ok. My H shows signs of pure authentic MLC, tonight he wants to move to a dinky house and quit his job. Lala land. 3 yrs ago he wanted 10 kids. What advice can I give you? What questions can I ask in DB form? First, let's put all those emotions/feelings aside and look to what we've got: a couple "working" on their R. The term "working" means different things to different couples. I think you talked about a book of the 5 kinds of showing love. Maybe there are x kinds of "working on the R". For some, the C works. In your case we are still in the solution journaling mode, which is probably a tool you can carry forth througout your lives together; sounds to me like the ultimate solution. From your posts, you two talk just like a H and W talk. That kind of friendly, no expectations, comforable talk. NO PRESSURE. It has to be nice, because it's only when you lose it, that you realize how important it is. For those of us who took our R's for granted, the simplistic talk ended a long time ago. Sitting in our familiar chairs and just sharing the air between us. Remember, I think it was you, tielbeagle, who had a thread once to the tune of "you don't know what you've got till it's gone". You chose this route, make the best of it, Thinking of you, SS
thanks Sarah, for a lovely response. We do talk so much more respectfully to each other now. Just last night H told me that he loved me, but as far as being in love, he doesn't know what that is anymore. I might have "melted down" at a comment like that 10 months ago but we've come so far that I can only hope that the feeling follows the actions. You take care, Lisa
Lisa, I think that's one of Michele's all time favorite topics about what is love, or infatuation. It's one of the 7 greatest fallicies of M's, if I recall correctly. You can always go back and read that section again. Remember, you can't talk your H into it. The teacher will come when the student is ready. Go about your business, be there when H needs/wants you/asks for you. Do what works. This is still a journey, I don't know if there's ever an end. It would be rather boring if there were I guess. Hey, and Happy Birthday, Happy Valentine's Day. Maybe you can jump your H's bones for your b-day, give it to him any way he likes it, wink,wink... I'm being a little responsive to the column at the right "Boosting Their Marital Libido". That's a time when we are very connected to the H; did you ever hear men give love to have sex, women give sex to get love? In other words, men tend to feel more loving after they have sex, women the opposite. So, you still have work to do I guess, this may be a how-to. SS
