It is Feburary 2004. I am at my ideal weight. My finances are organized and up to date. I am staying focused on my health, finances, and happiness. My clothes slide on my body as I walk and I feel slim, strong, energetic, and competent. I have taken baby steps daily to get to this point. The more I do for myself, the more my cup overflows and everyone in my life is touched by the overflow.
I value myself and therefore others value me. I have conquered the bad habit of making all the effort in my intimate relationships. Now, those people with whom I have an intimate relationship, put in at least half of the effort needed to have a good relationship. And they do so gladly, knowing it is their choice.
Good post, PNT. I like the year-away goals. Visualizing helps.
I just got caught up on your sitch. I think it was clever you initiating the duel B-day get-together with your H. And him saying, ILY is wonderful. Congrats on that point.
I know you're frustrated with his apparant apathy, but do you notice him coming around at all? It might be a curious experiment to go dark and see what he does...whether he puts out some of the effort you want to see. Or, maybe instead of calling him once/week (are you still doing this), then call him once every two weeks. I was only thinking about this because of two comments you've made: 1) About wanting him to make "some" effort; 2) That things that are "more expensive" are valued more. Would more expensive to him mean you take less initiative, thus making yourself more enticing?
Just a few random thoughts. Hope you're having a great day.
A few years back, I read a self-help book. I don't remember what it was, but this technique has stuck in my mind.
Write down your goals as if they have already happened. Be detailed. Include how you'll feel. Read this affirmation every day at least once. This will help you stay on track and help to keep how you'll feel in the front of your mind.
Yes, that's what I've been trying to say. I have to back off so that he will put in some effort. I did really well for a while there. I didn't contact him for a week and he called me. Then another week went by and I called him. Once I called it was easier to call the next day, and the day after that.
I do much better when I don't initiate contact.
So, I need to not call him unless he calls me.
In the meantime, for our Diner Reunion on Sunday, I'll be fun, happy and perky. That way, when he doesn't hear from me...hopefully that will be the image he'll keep with him.
I like the visual goal idea for next year!! and with this attitude the "reunion dinner" will go great! think of it as getting together for dinner with an old friend and act like you would with an old friend (cept for the part where you bring up old times and reminice, unless that works for you)
I'm starting to see some buds opening!! (phoenixinbloom) LL
My husband called me Saturday and we had a 3 hour date on Saturday!
He took me to our favorite restaurant and then he took me bowling!
I broke 100 the second game! Laugh. Blush. He rolled strikes pretty regularly. It was a lot of fun.
At one point, he reached over and scratched my back gently, then ran his fingers up to my neck and scritched me gently there. That's my hot spot. No one is allowed to touch me there except my husband!
I turned to him, smiled and said "You're mean!" He just smiled back.
The date over-all was great. I was perky and happy throughout. I didn't talk about our relationship. I did show him my budget and financial records for the past 7 months while we've been separated. He was impressed and told me that he was proud of me.
That had been a sore spot in our marriage. My careless spending of money. So, it was really nice to hear him say he was proud of me.
Only 2 things happened that were less than perfect. One. He told me that his cat, (she always loved him best even though I bought her at the Pet Store! GRRR! Laugh.) has been going across the street recently. He said he goes outside to call her and she'll come running across the street.
This is one thing we've not been able to agree on. I want my cats to be inside cats. He believes that even though the risk is greater, they are happier if they are outside. I think they can be just as happy as inside cats, and they live much longer healthier lives.
So, it was upsetting to hear that his cat is crossing the street on a regular basis now. But I didn't say anything...he could tell I wasn't happy, but I didn't say anything.
The 2nd incident. I'm driving us on our date. It's my car, he doesn't have one. He tells me where to go. Driving makes me nervous and I want as much advance notice as possible if I need to get into another lane. He had me take an exit and the lane ended shortly after I took the exit. We had been talking and we weren't paying very much attention to the road. I realized that my lane was ending and asked him if I needed to get over or exit. He wasn't able to respond quickly enough and the lane ended. I ended up having to stop and wait for some cars to pass and then move over to the other lane. He got mad at me. Normally I would have been apologizing all over the place because I don't like him mad at me. But I just kept quiet. And he got over it pretty quick. He asked me a question that seemed to resolve in his mind that I wasn't actually at fault.
So, that was uncomfortable, but good. Now I know, when he's mad, I need to stay quiet and leave him alone. He'll get over his anger much quicker if I don't overwhelm him with apologies. He has time to think and process what happened and why he got mad, and then once he's done that, he seemed to be able to look at the situation objectively.
Oh, and another good thing. He asked at the begining of the date if I was nervous. I told him I was. He said that I shouldn't be because there was no point in both of us being nervous!
I asked if he was nervous. He said of course he was. I said that I couldn't tell, that he seemed so 'suave'. He was pleased and amused that I saw him as suave. So that was good.
